He Who Steals My Money Steals Trash. He Who Steals My Identity Is F*****d.

I urge everyone who lives in a democracy to exercise their right to vote. In fact you should vote as many times as you can get away with. But only for the side I support. If you don't there could be unfortunate consequences for you and your loved ones. I'm not threatening you. I'm not suggesting I'll inflict any harm upon those who don't vote as they're told. I've got people who do that for me, and a bit of a temper if I don't get my own way.

Obviously I'm joking. I only pretend to be a sociopathic inadequate, loser for comedic purposes. In real life I'm an ultra successful pussycat loved by all. If you don't believe me you can ask my wife. Assuming she comes out of the coma. It's been over three months since the accident. Her family are losing hope I'm afraid. It was her own fault for doing something incredibly stupid and risky. Even though I warned her repeatedly, she wouldn't shut up. There are consequences to these things. Most of which affect me. She's alright. She can't feel a thing as her organs shut down and her brain dies. I'm the one who's suffering here. For instance, thanks to the Covid lockdown, I've had to spend three months at home with the kids. So I really didn't think that accident through fully. I've decided to be philosophical about it though. We all make mistakes. Not using condoms was mine. They're back at school now. Although that brings other problems. Like the fucking teachers asking all those difficult questions. Why is your son always covered in bruises Mr Spunkpuppet? I felt so embarrassed, I didn't know what to say. Spent the entire weekend coming up with something, then schooled the kids in what they had to say. Which takes the piss really, those lazy assed teachers should be teaching them, instead of asking me offensive personal questions.

I've got ethnic orphans to exploit. They don't get weekends off or three months of vacation every year. It's hard grind 16 hours a day, 7 days a week, and that's just me watching them. Sometimes there aren't enough hours in the day for me to take a shit. Because I don't whine about it, nobody gives me any sympathy. I digress. Monday morning when the inquisition resumed, I informed my son's teacher, he kept throwing himself onto my boots and fists whenever he was triggered. I thought he might be autistic so they should have him tested. Of course that wasn't the end of it. The nosy bastards moved onto questioning me about my daughter. What had caused her bruising and broken arm? I was one step ahead of them this time. I told them autism runs in families so they should test her as well. You know what they say. Spare the rod, spoil the child. I don't want my kids turning into spoiled, white privileged, brats. So I rule them with a rod of iron. Which explains my daughter's broken arm a whole lot better than the autism false narrative.

(The copyright to this image is the property of Campus Election Engagement Project.)

I cannot believe I am writing this semi-serious bit. I want people who have the privilege of living in a democracy to use their vote. I never vote, it only encourages them. But please go out and select the least worst candidate in any election. Then, when the results come out, accept them. This next bit applies to politicians. When you lose, don't claim it's because the other side lied and cheated. When it's because the electorate preferred the other sides lies and they cheated better than your side did. That's the nature of politics. If you're not a liar and a cheat when you enter, you become one very quickly, in order to survive. Lies make the world go round. Everyone is a liar. Tell the real unvarnished truth and before long everyone will hate you. I know this, because it took me a very long time to learn to lie. I use them as sparingly as possible. Hopefully so do you.

When whoever is elected inevitably fucks up and fails to deliver on their promises, the electorate should take the responsibility as much as the people they elected. The main reason politicians are like they are, is because every individual voter has contradictory and mutually exclusive needs. In order to gain your vote politicians have to lie about meeting your impossible demands in order to get you to vote for them. It's your fault. Accept the blame.

Finally a universal truth for you. All votes are equal. It's the only situation where there is genuine equality. This really pisses off the rich elites. Especially those media and movie celebrities. They hate the fact their votes aren't worth more than poor people's. It seems so unfair to them, they do everything they can to influence you in their favor. If they can make enough of the mindless sheep who worship them vote for their own selfish benefit it restores their sense of superiority over the masses. They hate you, but they need you. Which makes them hate you even more.