It's Done: Hit #9

You know that thing you asked me to take care of?

It's done.

There's your proof.

 
Now, let's talk about money.

I'm looking forward to seeing the rest of the payment. You have three days, you know this. Do not attempt any funny business with me. I do not play games unless I'm, playing games. This is not a game. You know this, I know this, and your husband found out the hard way.

Now, about that damage deposit.

I realize I offered a no mess guarantee. It was Christmas, I was drunk. I was attempting to broaden my horizons by offering special deals and discounts. Unfortunately, business did not pick up as expected and I'm kicking myself in the ass for spending so much money on those ads.

I apologize for the mess. Don't worry about the stains in the rug, you can always buy a new one. It looked cheap anyway. You can paint right over the splatter, nobody will notice. I'm sorry it had to move into the kitchen. I'm certain he was going for a knife and I had to finish the job before I put myself at risk. These sort of workplace injuries are hard to explain to the people who offer compensation for lost wages due to injury. My benefits actually stopped being beneficial to me last month. I have the worst toothache in the history of pain and can't even go see a dentist until I get my ass in gear and fill out these damn forms. I hate paperwork.

I'll be keeping the damage deposit. I know, I know. That's not fair...

Whatever. What are you going to do about it? Call the cops?

Highly un-fucking-likely.

Three days from now, don't forget. Don't pretend like you forgot my bitcoin address either because I did not forget your house address. Are we clear? Of course we are.

Have a nice day.

Warning: If you are not the intended recipient of this message, you may be in danger.

^{This is why you should stop being so damn snoopy. I'm watching you and your every move. Put everything back inside the box as it was before you got your greasy hands on it. Open the other box. Inside, you'll find some clothes. Put them on. I know they don't fit, stop bitching. Make sure the pants hang down to your knees. Don't worry, the long shirt provided will cover your buttocks. Stop thinking it makes you look like a teenage girl at a sleepover party. That's the style now, for men, apparently. Once you have your costume on, take a few steps back, turn, then proceed walking down the sidewalk to the south. Keep your right hand still and sway your left arm as you walk. Be sure to keep your left side lower than your right side as you walk and always put more force on the left foot so your body sways with your arm. Now, you're gangsta. Own that walk all the way down the block. There's a man selling hot dogs on the corner. He works for me. Buy an all dressed footlong. Every time you take a bite, chew it fast, then say, DAYUM! Keep doing that for three hours. I know they don't taste good. Nobody else knows that and we think if someone just stood there acting like they're the bee's knees and the cat's meow for few hours, we'd get more customers. Just know, you're being recorded and will end up on my Youtube channel. We only have one shot at this. DO NOT screw it up.}

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