If You Can't Beat Them, Join Them
First
Allow me to introduce myself. My new name is Hi Jim.
At first my name was only Jim but I noticed every time I'd go to the mall to take a shit in the plants, the people there would look at me and say, "Hi Jim." I got so annoyed with it that I just thought it would best to change my name to what everyone else was calling me.
Life was hard back then. Here's a short clip of me as a young lad.
My Life is Getting Better
I've decided to take my shit and use it for something good. My counselors and even the woman at the store who always asks me if I'd like a good time all agree that it would be best if I embrace my shit and apply myself.
That's why I'm here today.
I had a good look around and couldn't help but notice a few shit posts were earning top dollar. I thought to myself, I can do that! I'm a natural!
To be honest, I don't really know what the fuck I was looking at while browsing a few of those posts. All I saw was money, more money, an entire shit-ton of money, some bling, cha-ching and an incredibly popular as well as handsome man.
I can be all those things and more if I just set my mind to it!
Today, with the help of a few fancy screenshots, I've decided it's now my turn to become the best of the best and fuck all the rest.
Clears Throat
I've polished my crystal ball. Here is today's prediction.
That's right. Clearly, it's time to pass around the drinks and start partying. That is my financial advice. I did it all by myself.
In Other News
Some professional looking historical data.
And this:
Those candles are hard to read but they are definitely candles and that's all that matters.
I'm pretty sure you know what to do now. In case you don't, there will be many people under this post offering their daughters to me and not speaking in a way that sounds like a cheesy online advertisement testimonial. They are legit, they know what they're talking about. If you don't believe in me, believe in them.
That is all I have for this hour. I'll be back in a few minutes with more of the same.
Thank you for your money!
Obligatory Disclaimer: I am just a man who shits in the plants. This is not meant to be financial advice. It is entertainment and you're an asshole if you actually think I'm God.
I have to say, Hi Jim, I know that you've said it's not investment advice, but I really think your TA is on point here. We can clearly see that the Y2F ratio is at an all-time low today, which is an indicator of weak hands exiting the market. This makes more room for strong hands as well as other underrepresented extremities of various dispositions (e.g. cold feet, hard heads, and limp dicks).
This is good for crypto. I predict a 73% retracement of DP indicators and a reverse cowgirl fibonacci pennant. This will conclude with an erect DIQ micropattern which will definitely burst at some point leaving everyone needing a cigarette. I suggest premature market evacuation followed by a "round two" re-entry strategy.
Don't mess it up now! Remember to organically build a legion of definitely human followers who will all go around claiming you're the Messiah! We're all counting on you!
Thank you for not being paid to come here today and say all this.
Listen, about that money I owe you. I'm not making enough yet. I'll, uh, ... just don't worry, it's coming! I got people on it. It's all good. Just trust me here. I'm a professional. Been doing this for years!
i will support @nonameslefttouse forrever because he has made me money he is the reason we are all going to be rich haha XD XD something something lambo...
...three sunrises, three sunsets... three days, Hi Jim.
See, everyone! I work hard... for YOU!
This has nothing to do with me. If I could do this for free, I would! Everyone knows that! Everyone! All of them! They're real! I can see them! They're glowing! Like my lambo!
you guys must be on heavy drugs
Light drugs.
Hence the glow, right?
Except this post is entirely too long to be real advice. The real advice is no more than a short paragraph or two. That's how we can know that it's really advice. Otherwise, it's just someone trying to rationalize an argument - blah, blah, candle, head and shoulder, blah, blah. The bottom line is all I have time for -- just tell me to buy more! more! And you will probably be able to use that graph again, if you just change the dates and axes. Here's to the wonders of chart-analysis! With the emotional cries of doom or missed opportunity built right in!
You'd think they'd be too embarrassed to press the post button. All that time spent on shit posts... Imagine how successful of blog it could be if effort was put in while using that much time. Such a waste of potential. There must be some other driving force... but I, as well as most others, were born yesterday.
Hi, hi Jim.
Those bastards don’t have a time traveling cat in their comment sections now do they? I thought not. Best they got is some city slicker that was bread in a mill that is going have all short of expenses later down the road.
SHIT I think he is a mind reader. He knows about my weakness—the vodka.
Those are some sexy data sets and very historical. I use to be able to do such dirty things in such numbers.
Oh god, he really is a mind reader he knows about the Japanese candlesticks. I just hope he does not find out about the morning star or hammer. The therapist I meet in a dark allay said that was just between the two of us.
Dang it hi, hi Jim I lost 4.5 Time Machines on your bad financial advance! Those where not green tea leaves you handed me to read my fortunate from; why, it was leaves covered in shit!!!!!!!
Thanks as always for the good laugh! :)
See! I was right! Again! Like always!
I predicted laughter! I am the master!
hehe, I found this funny as well. Ah laugher shall keep everyone warm tonight!
HiJim! Eh, eh!
Those are some pretty good candles. All I right in thinking that the Fibonacci retracement implies a strong dink up?
The dink's going to be hard call. I'll have to use one of my lifelines and call a friend.
Consider that dinked then!
lol, sometimes you can go too far for me, but this is hysterical.
If I knew what you folks would laugh at, I'd actually be trending right now. Thanks for laughing at this one! I thought a parody of our pop-culture here would actually be, well... popular. Stupid me! LOL....
Well, Hi Jim..you may be onto something here..I've also heard a lot of nonstop babble about some famous dude that liked to jizz in plants. Clearly, this means there is a whole untapped community of people who are into these things called plants. Some just think they're the shit, others are just in love with them..maybe it's time to bring these together and start a dating site for plant lovers. Haven't yet come up with a good enough name yet, but I feel like we're onto something here..good work in showing everyone at the mall that you're sick of hiding and it's time for people to accept you for who you are
That's right! I'm Hi Jim and I'm back and bigger than before! Yeah! I love plants!
Wait a minute. How did you manage to figure out that I was also taking a lighthearted jab at that other famous idiot... huh. You really are Dr. Phil, aren't you.
I think i may have just stumbled upon the root of this pistil whip of a subject
I think it's about time more people start coming out of the greenhouse like this.
I would have to agree. They seem to think there is a sort of stigma associated with it, but if i could offer one filament of hope to these sort of men..I'd let them know that there is no need to fear, and that other than the sweet nectar of release that would pollenate their soul finally being free.. in the end they will still stamen.
I had a raw green chilli 2 days ago and since then I have problem shitting.
I am glad that you can feel comfortable sharing your shit so openly <3
I keep having a game of one-upmanshit with myself. Each shit post of mine is better than the last. I really enjoyed this shit. Some day I might put all my shit posts together in one massive shit post and push that out for all to enjoy.
Hi hi Jim, thanks for sharing this shit with us, thanks for the entertainment, good shit, please do continue to shit on our feeds, and hopefully make a shit ton of smelly shitty money while you're sitting on the John, or the Jim, or in front of the gym, or at the mall, where everybody knows your name.
If it's all the same shit to you, share or support my super shit too, Cause sometimes an artist gotta eat too, otherwise he stops shitting and dies. Maybe then his work
Will really be worth some shit, and people will give a shit, about something and someone they used to think was shit. Prrrrrrrttttt
Us? Who's us? Your feeds?
Hmmmm. :)
Those who have this in their feed 🤓 I've got just this 1 shitty account 😎
Okay. I get you now. Your shit comment on my shit post confused the shit out of me for a second there but now the shit is clear. I enjoyed your art by the way. Powerful piece!
Thanks man, I'm glad we're diarrhea (that's when the shit is clear) I appreciate the solid support.
On a serious note, I see and like what you're doing. Very clever, keep it up 🤙🏽
Seriously, thanks for looking. Thanks for enjoying, whatever it is, I do here. I appreciate it.
I can bet that not many people actually noticed that he was taking a dump, xd.
But, when it's urgent, you don't have anything, but to do something like that.
I remember when my brother and I were on playground, and he had a terrible stomach-ache.
And on the way home, he ..... Let's just say that he couldn't hold it anymore and he did it in his pants, lol.
He was like 8 years, but we still make fun of my because of that.
I used to piss down the tube slides.
Tbh, I've never seen better graphs that this ones... I'm gonna trust you on this one and follow your predictions.
Also, have you tried shitting on the floor? I mean, I knoe you're feeding the plants this way but this way is more productive.
My graphs are magic and come from above! Only the foolish ignore this masterful/wonderful information!
The floor works too, I guess. I worry about children slipping though. I think of the children because I am a wonderful human being who only does what I do to help others be the best at good things!