I sense something, a presence I've not felt since...

in #funny8 years ago

Greetings loyal followers.

I have sensed a disturbance in the force.



This is what I look like when I sense something. It may seem silly to look around when you are sensing something magical that cannot be seen... but you are not a Sith Lord so you don't understand. So shut up!

I sense something, a presence I've not felt since...

Ever! Because thanks to my old "friend" and teacher, I never met my son... in some timelines.

The presence I have felt is none other than @luke-skywalker himself. You can find his first transmission here.



That is him in the middle saying "But I was going into blah blah to pick up blah blah."
SHUT UP!


Because I believe he will continue to contact me (who wouldn't) I have an essential explanation for him.

Thanks to this planet's primitive technology, it is impossible to communicate in a linear timeline. Although Dennis, the Empire's IT guy, has been able to establish direct contact within each transmission, he has been unable to overcome all of the challenges of communicating from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Most of the blame for this problem rests with this primitive planet... but to be perfectly honest, I am surprised Dennis doesn't electrocute himself every time he tries to "fix" something.

So @luke-skywalker please keep this in mind. Some of our communications will be before this watershed moment in our relationship...



Whaaaa. That's kim possible! Whaaaa.

Others will be after it.

As such, sometimes I will know about our relationship... other times I will not. I know it may be too confusing for your puny little mind to comprehend... but too bad! Suck it up! Stop being such a baby about things.

You are whining about this already aren't you?

I think I can actually hear your obnoxious, petulant, insanely unpleasant tone right now through my terminal.



"Whaaa! My daddy cut off my hand!"
Stop being such a wuss! Tape an aspirin to it and get back in the game!

Would you please shut up! You are 23 freaking years old (in this timeline). Do you know what I was doing when I was 23? Well it certainly wasn't whining like a little b...

rat.

Dennis! It's doing it again! It cut out right in the middle of one of my tirades! You know how much I love my tirades. Get your ass...

istant in here to fix it immediately!

Where was I? Oh yes. When I was 23... let's see. When I was 23 it was a very good year...

  • I had completed my Jedi training and had become the most powerful being ever in existence
  • I secretly married a super hot queen
  • We did what was needed to be done to create twins
  • I slaughtered an entire village of disgusting Sand People
  • I slaughtered a room full of innocent younglings
  • I cut off both hands of the guy whose job I wanted
  • Yada, yada, yada, I got betrayed by my best friend, killed my wife, burned in a volcano, became Frankenstein, and started my miserable job working for that idiotic and puke-inducing Emperor
  • Whined about crap all the freaking time

Do you see what is not on the list? "Whined about crap all the freaking time". Do you know why? Because I'm not a whiny little bit...

ter mama's boy. I know you never had a mother. Boo freaking hoo! Grow a pair! I never had a father and I turned out perfectly fine. I have no issues whatsoever. I am the model of social and emotional health. So please, do the universe a favor, and just shut the hell up!



After choking the first two quacks who claimed I had "borderline personality disorder" this guy said I am the picture of psychological health.

That being said, in the future (or past) if you plan on communicating with me, please keep this information about non-linear timelines in mind.

By the way, if any of you were wondering about the whereabouts of my executive assistant Vera, who is simply the Kipper's Knickers, that is none of your freaking business!

What was that?
Whining
Kim possible
Need a hand?
Picture of mental health

Sort:  

You know, I was both wondering if you were gonna do anything fun for Father's Day, and also when there was going to be more RP accounts/Ask!Blogs.

I guess this answers that :P

(Tbh, I've thought about trying to make a Vaati Steemit Ask!Blog, but I have no idea what I would do with it, aside from use it to incite weird goofy Alternate Reality turf war shenanigans.)
(Also idk if anybody on Steemit actually knows who Vaati is. So that's a thing.)

Haha I wanna see lardvader eating ramen on live!!

I remember you.

You both just earned yourself a follow!

The Emperor has been expecting Luke.....Lo and behold, he turns up! Spot on Palpatine.

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while. And my boss is far dumber than any of your squirrels!

Can you be anymore awesome?

Yes. I become more awesome everyday. Sometimes I become even more awesome on some days as compared to others.

MAN I FUCJING LOVE YOUR STORIES, SHOW ME THE LOVE TRAIN?

It's right there.

yeah i just found this account, just followed. this was actually funny, i can tell @lordvader took a lot of time to write this transmission to all of us, and to his son @luke-skywalker ... very well done im following both of you

Thank you for noticing my greatness.


Thanks dad

I like the one in blue. The little one should have simply pointed to the shield generator as asked.

When he said b... Rat HAHHAHHAHAH

Yes. He is a brat. He should be laughed at.

my lord, im built to follow you i guess

Yes. Too bad you weren't built to avoid spinouts!

Haha, was wondering about that!

And now you know. And knowing is half the battle. So is losing. But I wouldn't know.

I love you dark lord. How can i earn your trust ?

I may have a mission for you in the future.

I shall obey you my lord. What calamity shall i cause?

were you really 23 or were you 19? get your shit together!

When I got this armor? Yes I was 23. I know how old I am!

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