You've Got To Fight For Your Right... To Have a Reasonable Amount of Fun and Still Take Care of Your Kids the Next Day.

LOL!

There's nothing better than being functional in the morning when you have a toddler. Any "party" that results in a hangover the following day is unacceptable unless you have previously cleared such an occurrence with your wife weeks in advance. Otherwise, you're going to be in the doghouse. Well, you're going to be in the doghouse either way, at least until your wife does the same thing during a "girls night" and you take full responsibility for the little one(s).

The success of a party is directly correlated to the number of times I check my phone.

I guess I'm old too .. this is absolutely the measure of a successful party. Less is more. The only time someone is allowed to use their phone is to turn on / change the music. Beyond that, checking your phone is restricted to an "emergency" call from a significant other (typically related to children), or if you have an alarm to remind you about taking some life-saving medication!

Ok, I jest, but seriously.. stay off your damn phone. I don't care if you don't know the answer to one of life's many unknown questions that the internet has the answer to and you really want to know the answer.. Hold your s&*7 together like it's the 90's or 00's and wait until you have access to a physical computer! (I could have pushed it back to earlier decades, but I wanted the audience to feel included).

Always an entertaining read from you, sir!