The End | FreeWrite | My NaNoWriMo Beginning!!

I had started good. Really, really good. I was convinced that I'd come out on the other end with a novel in hand. So convinced was I, that even half-way through when my word count was lookng miserable, the left overs of conviction would not let me give up. Not til the last week, when I just couldn't bear to see my name on the list of Free Writers who had said "Yes" to the madness of NaNoWriMo!! I didn't deserve the mention and I had to come clean.

I won't get into the boring details of Life Events. But I will tell you that my story took its own turn. And by the first week I realised, that I needed some historical facts for my story. I also realised, my story was fighting between an American and Asian protagonist and it was getting haywire. I wanted to start all over again.

So here I am, dying to share some of what I had written and you can tell me whether you see a novel in it :). I did use @mariannewest's Daily Prompts to inspire. And even though most of it is fiction, there were some real life events thrown in the mix. I hope you enjoy the read...

My sad chart

This is a story about Inara, who gets her hands on an ipod that transports her into another world, another person with each song.

Day 1 - Tiny

It started out tiny. It really was just a nuisance. Nothing much to worry about she said. She didn’t have the time to get it checked. She had to make money, money, money. How she hated that word now. Money!!! What good did it do? Where was it now?

Inara sat holding her mother’s hand. She had been unconscious for two days already. All family members were asked to come bid farewell. They were milling around, some praying, some talking in whispers. Sitting in chairs facing the hospital bed where her mother lay. Breathing shallow.

Inara wanted them all to get out. Where were they during Mum’s last few months. It was just Inara and her Dad, going through day in day out. While her friends were partying like most 19 year olds do, she was rushing back from college.

She had to change diapers. She had to feed. She had to shower. And she had to listen to her stories, over and over again. It sometimes felt she was in an army concentration camp, being punished for loving too much.

“Send her to a home” they said.

“You can’t manage on your own” they said.

“You have to take care of you first” they said.

She couldn’t do any of that. Not to the woman who made her what she was today. Not to the woman who gave so much of her, there was nothing left. The shell of the woman now lay still, her breathing almost inaudible.

Inara, held her hand, and caressed her cheeks with the other. She had no tears to cry. She had asked the powers that be, the God, the Universe to stop this torture. Make her better or take her. Don’t keep her hanging on like this, in pain, unable to express her thoughts because her brains weren’t connecting the dots.

Her mother’s family, some who had stopped talking because of stupid arguments, all that meant nothing now, came to make peace. She held her head up high, didn’t say the things that were ready to explode. Her mother was so big on family, she would have forgiven them all and thrown a welcome party.

Inara whispered into her mother’s ears

“You don’t have to hold on. Or you can hold on. Do what you want to do. Just know, I … we will always love you. I won’t go one day without thinking about you.”

Her mother’s cheeks were cold. Her heartbeat dropping. They had decided not to resuscitate. Let her go and be with the angels where she belongs. Time to fly. Her mother struggled for that one last breath and then the beep stopped hitting the highs and lows and just flattened.

Inara, stood there for a long moment just holding her mother’s hand. After several minutes, she laid the hand down and took a step back. She had things to do, calls to make. The nurses stepped in and pulled the curtain close.

…………………………….

It had been 3 months. Inara remembered it like yesterday. She did cry after the body was cremated and placed in the collambrium and everybody had left. That was the only time she let tears flow. Not before, not since.

She felt alone and almost too much time on her hands now. Dad had become aloof. And the only other person who felt her pain her brother didn’t live in the same country. They messaged once in awhile talking of could haves and should haves. But that was just to hide behind them facing the world without her. As if, all this talk could bring her back.

Inara had started spending a lot of time on her own. Her friends weren’t sure how to be around her. Do they call her out? Would that be insensitive? Why did she not cry? Bit by bit they stopped calling her out. They made secret party plans and she’d find out about it on fb or insta.

She didn’t mind. It saved her the trouble of saying No. It saved her the trouble of saying Yes and then being somewhere she didn’t want to be. Kyle had also distanced himself. The time spent together had become awkward. He struggled to have a normal conversation with her. She made it easy for him by offering friendship and he didn’t hesitate. He took it as a sign to vacate her life. She had hoped that he would try just a little.

Inara had become accustomed to walking the lake. She took morning walks and evening walks. She listened to her audio books, mostly the subjects she was taking and the music she loved. She was starting to like her own company. Maybe a bit too much.

……………………..

1st November. It was like any other day. Wake up, get ready for college, walk the lake first. She ran down and Dad was already sitting at the table.

“Hey Dad! I heard you up in the middle of the night. Is everything ok?”

He nodded. That sad, lost look seemed to have become his resting face. Even though her parents argued as far back as she could remember, they never went anywhere without the other. They enjoyed their company together, argument, sometimes heated, and all. Apart from each other, work took up most of their time. They didn’t really have friends. And now, Dad was just waiting his turn as he sometimes would say flippantly, as if he was talking about the weather.

“Yeah. Just couldn’t sleep. I came down to get something to drink. Everything’s ok.”

She smiled and gave him a hug. Quickly had her breakfast and scooted out of there. She wanted to go to the lake for a bit. She needed to just walk there, under the trees, watching the sun glisten on the water.

She put on her earphones and pressed play. Nothing. She shook her phone just like Dad did to anything that stopped working.

“Shock it into good behaviour” he’d say. Now, he just walked away as if, giving the broken it’s space. Nothing happened. She called her Dad and that worked fine. Her phone didn’t have a problem. Just the player.

Sigh. She had to get it fixed. She needed her music just as much as she did the trees and the water. She considered skipping class to go get her phone sorted but changed her mind.

As she sat behind Kyle, she sensed a tension. He would normally at least give her a nod, but today, she almost didn’t exist. This was very unusual. She knew he felt obligated to acknowledge her presence from afar. Not today.

As Mr. Lee wrote formulas, scribbling away on the board with arms flailing, it looked like he was conducting a choir. She always watched him fascinated with this man who came alive around numbers but otherwise, kept to himself hardly wanting to make any sort of social connection.

But today, she was watching Kyle. He sat upright, as if ready to spring, and she swore she could see him trying to look at her from the corner of his eye. She’d go up to him today, just to make sure everything’s okay. But as soon as the bell rang, Kyle didn’t give her a chance to catch up. He was up and out, like someone had opened the lid to Jack in the box.

She looked at her phone ready to call him and remembered she needed to get it sorted out. Kyle can wait. She’d just get this sorted first. She had heard of this place downtown that did a fantastic job of fixing old phones at fantastic prices. It was a 2 bus and 1 train ride away, and she welcomed the ride. She liked taking rides. It was thinking time.

As she sat on the bus, she saw a couple sitting holding hands. The woman’s ring caught her attention. It looked a lot like the one Mum wore all the time. It looked like a Diamond the size of walnut. That was pretty big for a diamond. Her parents had asked several goldsmiths over time to check on the stone to see if it was real. They had got it from a relative, who had bought a bunch of stones from some street pedlar and they suspected it could be real. They never got an answer. But Mum, loved that ring and wore it even through her dementia, sometimes forgetting where she had left it, leading up to hallucinations of people walking into her home to steal her ring.

“This is the last stop Miss.” she was startled out of her thoughts. She nodded and quickly got off. She checked her phone for the address again and immediately saw it in the corner on the left. She walked towards it, looking around at the passersby staring at her. They knew she didn't’ belong in this part of town.

She walked straight towards the shop, not wanting to show them her fear. And yet, she could feel an excitement knowing that anything could happen to her. Maybe there would be robbery, and there’ll be gunshots and suddenly, a bullet flying towards her. And “pap”, a weird muffled sound that explodes like the 4th July in her head as she falls slowly to the ground. She’s dead.

She entered the shop. It looked like a junk shop. Cluttered and clusters of knick knacks. Things she had heard about but never seen. She touched the Cabbage Patch Kid. She had heard of this, Mum had shown her pictures. Mum worked as a maid for some time at the Johnsons. The kids had all sorts of toys. And Mum had brought her there when she was too young to remember. They were nice enough to take a picture of her and with the Doll before unceremoniously showing them out as Inara started crying for it.

“Hello” she called out as she walked around a little bit more. She picked up a clipper of sorts that had a rubber strip on it. DYMO, the brand was faded. It was a label printer with some words that made no sense. Gibberish. Obviously someone who had walked in, and had a little fun with it.

She heard the bell tinkle and the door opened sligtly and a familiar voice drifted through.

“Come on, it will be fun. This is like a treasure throve. The things you can find here.”

It was Jojo. And before she could step around to say hello, she heard another familiar voice.

“This is why I love you. You are crazy and I promise we will take a look around. But let’s go get some coffee and cake and a room.”

“At least you know your priorities”, Jojo responded and just like that, the laughter disappeared as the door closed behind them.

“Hey Miss, can I help you?” said a burly man, who wiped his hands on his pants. He must have just washed them because his hairy arms still had droplets of water.

Inara’s head was racing. She felt like someone had slapped her brains out. She stared at the burly man, not sure what he was asking.

“Are you interested in that ipod you are holding?”

She looked down at her hand. She didn’t realize she was holding something. She couldn’t think. She wanted to leave the place before they came back. Not that that would happen anytime soon. Surely a room meant something they had promised each other they’d wait for when they were ready. And who could be ready when you had a dying mother to think of.

Watching the door, she walked up to the counter and placed the ipod down.

“Ok” she said. She had never owned an ipod. It’s some old thing that kids back in the day used. Nowadays, all you need is a phone. You can even work on your presentations with a phone. But she couldn’t think at the moment.

The burly man, keyed in something on the cash register. It was one of those that you needed to do everything manually. It looked like you needed to wind it to make it work.

“That is a classic you are about to own. Signed by the greatest band in the world U2. Have you heard of them Miss?”

“Yes, yes. How much?”, she vaguely remembered U2. There was this song…. She couldn't remember right now. But that was not important. She just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible and get home. No, she needed to go to her lake.

“You seem to be in a hurry. I can understand, you blink and someone will take that piece of treasure right out of your hands.” he laughed then stopped seeing how she was ready to leave. Well, he was ready to make a sale.

“That fine piece of a music machine is only three hundred buckaroos. It’s a steal.”

No, she was thinking. It’s rubbish and you - her thoughts were cut off by a glimpse of Kyle through the window across the street as they walked out of the coffee shop. She whipped out her card and handed it to him while watching them. Please don’t come back here.

“Is that someone you know Miss?”

She shook her head. And immediately knew she had made it worse because if they walked in now, it would be a disaster. She quickly signed off for the card, grabbed the ipod even as the burly man continued to say something. She wasn’t so sure what anymore. She watched them walk towards a motel and disappear.

The burly man was still talking, but she wasn’t listening anymore. Mum would disapprove at the rudeness as she rigidly walked out very quickly, bending down so her hair would cover her face and almost skipped, half ran to the bus stop. Luck was on her side, as the bus came and she hopped on it. She realised she had forgotten to breath and took in a deep breath. The bus pulled away as her heart broke into a thousand pieces.

Day 2 - Cross-Eyed

Everything was blurry right through the journey home. She was on autopilot as she got off the bus, got on the train, got off the train, got on the bus, got off the bus and walked home. As soon as she got home she went straight up to her room. She turned around and fell back into her bed.

Was that a tear!! Damn it. She will not cry for him. She held it in through everything with Mum. Who the hell was Kyle? Bastard. She didn’t expect it to be so easy for him to move on. Just like that. And what they had promised each other, to be the first for each other, to wait for the right time… all lies.

Ok, maybe they were not together. She did call the end of the relationship, but still, it shouldn’t be this easy for him.
The tears came, all her pent up emotions of the last couple of years. Mum diagnosed with that “C” word. Watching her lose her appetite, her strength, her memory, her will to live. Her friends, who ditched her, who continued life, while she played with death. Kyle, making excuses to visit, to call, to be with her, not wanting to hear about her frustrations, her despair, her.

She sobbed. Noah would have thought these were the beginnings of a flood and built an ark. She cried for hours, maybe days. What did it matter? Nobody cared really. Even Dad didn’t come around to find out if she was okay.

……………………………………….

She didn’t eat for two days. She skipped class. Maybe it was more than two days. Maybe it was just two hours. She wasn’t even sure. All she knew was that the pain was unbearable. As she lay there staring at the ceiling, she heard Dad dragging his feet outside. Probably unable to sleep again. Maybe this was his pain.

There was a knock on the door. Damn it. She really didn’t feel like talking to him. She sat up and looked around for something to do. She saw the ipod and grabbed it. Dad opened the door.

“Hey, I haven’t seen you around for a couple of days now. Everything okay?”

“Yes” she croacked. Cleared her throat and smiled.

“Just a little under the weather.”

Her father smiled and crossed his eyes. That always made her laugh when she was younger. If only she could go back to then. When Mum would work the afternoon shift and come home late at night. Dad would let her and her brother stay up for her. She’d come back and while she had her supper, they would their milk, telling her stories of all the things that happened in school.

She must have been tired, but she never let on. She sat there listening, laughing on cue. Until Dad would call time, and they’d reluctantly go to bed.

When life was simple, friends and love didn’t matter. Her parents filled every gap. Now they have both left if wide open.

“You are not laughing. This always made you laugh. Shall we go see the Doctor?”, Dad took one step in, unsure. When did he start second guessing his daughter. When did he look at her last, really look at her and know what was going on? She didn’t need a doctor. She… what did she need?

“I’m really okay Dad. Much better now. I just want to rest a bit. ..Nothing some good old music wouldn’t cure.”

He looked at her one last time, and maybe he did see her. He half smiled in resignation, and stepped back outside. Gave her another cross eye and closed the door behind him.

She looked at the ipod in her hand. She grabbed the earphones that were hanging on her night lamp and plugged it in. She looked at the buttons, looking for a way to find the playlist button. But she couldn’t figure it out. The buttons were faded.

She was feeling the hunger pangs. She got out of bed and wobbled a bit. She felt faint. There was a half eaten wafer on her table. She bit into it and chewed on it like a goat. She laughed.

Her mum had shared the story of her first birthday. Excited with their first born turning one, instead of having a party, they went out to a restaurant to eat. It wasn’t the thing to do back then. They were too poor to even eat out, and a restaurant was way above their budget. But excited they did go to a hotel.

Dad, being adventurous ordered a Caesar Salad because it had the recommended by chef stamp. When they saw the fresh greens, they were surprised. They couldn’t believe they were paying so much for a dish that wasn't even cooked. As her father popped the greens into his mouth, he started grinding his jaws side to side.

“Why are they serving Goat food here?” he had asked in jest.

Mum would tell her this story and laugh. At first, she found it funny too and laughed. By the tenth time she heard the story, she’d ask different questions to get a little bit more of the story. LIke how much did it cost? What did she eat? Was she a good baby? But by the 100th time, her responses had just become a grunt.

How she wished she could hear that story again. Over and over again.
……………………….

She decided to take a shower first. She stood under the hot shower for a good 30 minutes, just letting all the pain wash away. Finally she got out, tied her hair in a towel, threw on her shorts and T-shirt and went down to grab something to eat.

She rummaged the fridge and found some left over pizza. She considered bunking it in the microwave and changed her mind. She was too hungry. She sat at the kitchen table and started gobbling down everything from the disposable container. She didn’t even care to put it on a plate first. She gulped a bottle of water down and immediately felt better.

The clock showed 8pm. She was ready to just go to bed early and sleep off everything. She would tackle tomorrow, with a new resolution. She didn’t need the start of year or a birthday. She wouldn’t mind a mum… her mum, but yes she can do this. Her Mum had always been a never say die sort of person. Her blood coursed in her veins, pumped her heart. She coud do this.

She sat on her bed, and the ipod caught her attention. She laughed at her stupidity of paying for this stupid old thing. Something she’d never use. She could have bought a new phone. Idiot she was.

She plugged the earphones in. And shook it. “Come on, show me some good behaviour!” she said and randomly pressed the buttons. The ipod slipped from her hand and dropped on the floor. Damn it!

She picked it up and she sat up, maybe a bit too fast. She started feeling strange and jumped when the music came on. She started feeling light headed as Mike & The Mechanics sang

“I said "Go if you want to go
Stay if you want to stay"
I didn't care if you hung around me
I didn't care if you went away
And I know you were never right
I'll admit I was never wrong
I could never make up my mind
I made it up as I went along….

She felt herself falling, falling into an abyss. They were singing her thoughts. They were singing her life. She was being sucked into a black hole. She was starting to spiral, her thoughts were entwined, she was, she was… she willed her eyes to open…. She was..she wasn’t her.

She wasn’t it her room. She was walking down a street. No, she was strutting down the street. She passed a glass window and turned to look at herself. She wasn’t herself. Who was this stranger looking back at her.

He had hair that was long enough to tie into a ponytail. She touched it and jumped back. It was starting to dawn on her the man in the mirror was her. She was a man. She could hear Mike and The Mechanics singing very faintly in the background and it was slowly fading away.

She could hear his thoughts. It was her thoughts? Who’s thoughts? She couldn’t tell. It was all intertwined. But these thoughts were so real. His thoughts were so real. His thoughts that were her thoughts.

…………………………………

Mary Jane is driving me nuts. I wish she’d just tell me what she wanted. One minute is I Love You. The next minute she’s pushing me away. Women!!

He walked, more like strutted down the street. He was good looking, he knew it. Ever since he started growing his hair out, the girls have been going wild for him. It made him feel good. But he belonged to Mary Jane. And they were waiting for the right time to do it.

The poor girl though kept missing all the right times. How many right times can there be? Every time they were in the car, she’d let him get to first base, sometimes even second, then she’d push him away.

If that wasn’t the right time, he wasn’t sure what was. But he’d be patient. He was her man and she was his woman.
He felt someone slip her hand into his. He knew it was Mary Jane. This happened every single time. They’d be the love birds that everybody envied. They’d have an argument. He’d walk away because he hated the bickering. And given some time she’d come running right back into his arms.

“Hey, you not upset with me are you?”

“Maybe a little, but you know I love you. You are allowed to make me upset” he said, trying to kiss her. She quickly jumped back and looked around to see if anyone had seen that.

“You know Papa would throw a fit. What if he saw? Worse! What if his friends saw? They’d make an epic movie out of it.”

“Why are you always so afraid of what people would say? Screw them all… or you could just screw me!”, he leaned in again to kiss her.

Mary Jane wouldn’t have any of that. She slapped him lightly on the face, her face all screwed up in disgust.

“Robert Stephane, that is so ungentlemanly of you! You just keep getting nastier, the longer your hair grows. Is all your brains being used to grow it longer?”

He pulled her close and moved her against the wall. He loved her. But sometimes she was quite exasperating. She’d say things to make him feel small. Her righteousness got in the way. He wanted to set things straight. He didn’t need to keep missing all the right times, while she kept looking and waiting.

“Mary Jane, that wasn’t very nice. And, just so you know, I’m like Samson, the magic is in the hair.”

She suddenly stopped smiling and looked him in the eye. He knew she was going to say something he didn’t like.

“I have been thinking a lot.”

Great, she was breaking up with him.

“And I, I feel God is asking me to wait. I know that you don’t to wait anymore. And I don’t want to be the wet blanket but right now, I … well I don’t know when. That’s best way to put it. So I think you should find someone else. We have had these arguments too many times.”

He couldn’t believe she was telling him to go. They had been with each other for over two years now. He had waited. Two years is forever. And here she is telling him he could go if he wanted to. Just like that.

He took a step back and looked at her a long time. She stood there looking back at him. No words were said. He took another step back. He felt it was a slap on the face. He didn’t think he’d ever hear those words. Not from her. Not from the love of his life. The girl he had been waiting for.

He took another step back. He thought she might stop him now. Tell him it was a joke. But she just looked at him, not saying a word. Not even blinking. Her lips parted. Thank God he thought. She was joking. He could feel the sigh of relief rising up in his chest.

“We can still be friends” she said. He turned around, he didn’t want her to see the shock in his face. He released the sigh though it wasn’t of relief. It was of surrender. He turned back to look at her. Took two steps towards her, leaned in and kissed her cheek.

“Friends”, he said. He didn’t want to say anything more incase he gave himself away. “I got to go now”, he quickly turned and walked away. And he kept on walking, not turning around. Not wanting to see, his heart he had left behind with his first love.

He kept walking, and saw Leann wave at him from the coffee shop. She worked there on the weekends and knew she was sweet for him. He waved back. He kept on walking, angry, hurt, upset, embarrassed, ashamed.

He stopped for awhile, he needed a miracle to let this feeling go. Maybe if he just closed his eyes. He kept it closed and started to feel better. Breathing slowly, feeling a sense of calm.

She opened her eyes, and jumped up. She was in her room. She heard the last beat of the song, and pulled out the earphones from her ears. She threw the ipod and it landed on the bed.
She stared at it as if it was alive. What had just happened there? She turned to look at the mirror. As, it was her. She was Inara. She turned to look at the ipod again. Scared to move, expecting it to pounce on her and transport her back to a hair flicking, strutter who had just been dumped by his girlfriend.

Day 3 - Arm Band

She ran downstairs to get a drink. She kept running through the thoughts and the feelings. They felt so real. Like when you have a nightmare where you are falling, falling and you snap out of it and you have actually fallen off the bed.

She drank two glasses of water. It just gave her something to do. She knew it would be a bad idea to drink so much water. So much water meant, lots of toilet visits at night. She hated that.

Mum had this insatiable thirst. She kept asking for water, never ending all through the night. Everytime, she was ready to go back to bed, she would hear the bell. Mum was given the bell to call them, and she wore it out.

She rang it for everything. Mostly for her thirst. She couldn't get enough. And what went in, had to come out. And so they had arguments over it. Mum begging for water, she trying to convince her that she drank more than any normal person could, and Mum insisting it wasn’t true for if it was then she wouldn't be feeling thirsty.

If she had known then that their time together was limited, she would have given her all the water, anything she needed.

She went back upstairs and gingerly lifted the ipod and placed it on her dresser across the room. She was already feeling silly about the whole episode. She had probably fallen asleep and had a dream. That was the only sane answer.

………………..

The next day, it was back to the rigmarole she had so become accustomed to. She went for her morning walk, and realised she would just have to wait for the next allowance to sort out her phone. She had busted it by buying the ipod.

She went to class and sat behind Kyle. She could now clearly see why he sat up so straight. He wasn’t awkward because of her. He was eager because of Jojo. She sat two rows in front and Guy Fernandez was so tall, he blocked the view of Jojo looking back every now and then. He wanted to catch her smiles, her winks, everything about her. He wasn’t thinking about Inara anymore.

He didn’t even realise she hadn’t come to class for two days. Nothing. He had moved on. When class ended, Kyle made a beeline for the exit and just a little after, waited for Jojo. She watched, and they were oblivious to her. She didn’t exist in their new, blossoming love. She was a distant memory.

She was the last one to walk out of class. She smiled at Mr. Lee who smiled back and quickly turned to rub the board. He would get ready for the next class.

She stepped out into the sun and squinted her eyes. It was glaring and she started to perspire. She looked around and decided she’d go grab her favourite shake. Orange, Grape and Almond Milk. Some of her friends used to say she was weird. She stayed the same, they changed.

She thanked the cashier and walked out into the street. And as if in slow motion, she saw the oh so familiar strut. She froze. Her eyes widened. She looked around, saw a lamp post and stepped behind it. It didn’t hide any, and if anything made her more conspicuous but it made her feel safe.

He was walking right towards her. He flicked his hair as he passed his reflection in the window and took a step back to check his hair.

What was he doing here? Was he real? He didn’t look like he belonged here. He looked, so … so… retro. That’s the word; He looked Retro. The little poof of hair that bobbed as he strutted, his skin tight jeans, and white T-shirt that stuck to him like a glove.

She had to quiet her heart. It was beating so loud, she wa sure he was going to hear it. He walked right past her and then stopped and turned around. She was sure he had recognized her. Surely if someone invaded your thoughts, your feelings, your space, you would know about it. She had been trespassing, and he had caught her.

“Hi there” he said.

She refused to look up. She was scared to look up. Surely he would know her.

“I was wondering if you could help direct me to Curly Sue’s. I am visiting my ol Uncle Donald and he wants me to pick up a couple of things but he might have given me the wrong direction. The senile ol man. hahaha”

Without looking up, she pointed down the street. He looked to where she was pointing and laughed again. Her heart beat even louder.

“Silly me. Right in front of my eyes” he said. And stared at her. She must have looked like she had a stiff neck.

“You ok?” he asked.

“Got to go”, she said and turned and started walking. She must seem like a real dufus. But what the hell was he doing here? Had he always been around? Is that why she had dreamt of him? That’s crazy.

Wait, why would someone, in this day and age, ask for directions. All you needed to do was waze it. Maybe he was trying to make conversation. That’s it. She turned to look and he was still watching her.

Damn it. That’s embarrassing. She waved and pointed at Curly Sue’s. Turned around and broke into a sprint. She didn’t care if she looked stupid. She just needed to get home and clear her head.

She ran upstairs and slammed her room door. Then she cursed and waited for her dad and true enough she could hear him outside.

“Sorry Dad. It was an accident” she called out before he knocked on the door. She really didn’t feel like talking to him right now

Day 4 - Party

Her head was spinning as she sat down, trying to differentiate between a dream and reality. She couldn’t quite tell them apart now. She wondered if she was becoming like her Mum. Hallucinating.

“Hey, don’t make a sound. The kids are sleeping.”
“What kids Mum? There are no kids.”
“In the room. The kids are asleep. I just fed them, showered them, and they were so tired, they dozed off in front of the TV. I just carried them in. Talk softly, I don’t want to wake them”

Or

“Hey, save some of these for them”
“Mum, finish the water, because I am going to sleep now and I am really tired. Please finish the drink.”
“No, the guests are all here. See, they are sitting over there, go give them something to drink.”

And that was three in the morning.

She looked at the ipod sitting on the dresser. Did she want to put it on to see if it was real. She wasn't’t sure. And then again, she realised she must sound like the biggest idiot ever. How is it possible that an ipod, an old fashioned, over priced, probably someone’s rubbish, warp time or is it dimensions, or maybe universes. It just didn’t make sense.

She grabbed it off the dresser and walked over to her bed. Then she changed her mind. She was going to do this standing. There would be no way for her to fall asleep then. She looked at herself in the mirror, there was that look. The look her Mum said was the “Say what you want, I am doing what I want” look.

She smiled and plugged in her earphones. Yes, she would prove how stupid she had become. This is what happens when you stop socialising. What’s that they say about the idle mind. She looked at the ipod again. Where was the play button. She couldn’t quite make it out. So she randomly pressed the buttons, hoping something would start.

And on came a scream… a screach… it didn’t matter, she was still in her room. Her reflection starring back at her. A high pitched, graty voice hit her.

“I was dreamin' when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astray
But when I woke up this mornin', could've sworn it was judgment day
The sky was all purple, there were people runnin' everywhere
Tryin' to run from the destruction, you know I didn't even care”

She saw the light flash just in the corner of her mirror. She turned to look behind for the source of the light. Nothing! And when she turned back to her reflection, she froze. She reached out to pull out the earphones, but there were no earphones, only hoop earrings.

She touched herself, and she looked closely. Her head was spinning as she sat down, trying to differentiate between a dream and reality. She couldn’t quite tell them apart now. She was definitely becoming like her Mum. Hallucinating.

She was wearing tights, and a short crop top. She felt lightheaded. This is the worst outfit ever. She'd never be caught in this outrageous flashy under dressed attire. What was this girl thinking... what was she thinking? Maybe she can change out of it. She was going to be late.

She opened the wardrobe and more of the very same clothes. There were tights in leopard print, a gazzilion tights folded neatly, laid out neatly on one side. The other side, rolled up in neat rows, tiny tops that barely covered her bossom. Who was this girl?

She heard the car honk outside. She walked over to the window and looked out gingerly. He caught her looking out the window and waved at her. She was in a room on the first floor of the house, with her window looking out to the front road. She turned to look behind her, as if there may be someone behind her that he was waving to.

How ridiculous!!

She looked back at him and her heart did a double skip. It was him. Except she wasn't him anymore. She was... she turned and went back to look at her face and she swallowed hard. She was LeAnn. She knew the face looked familiar. This can't be happening. She was back in someone else's head.

She heard the horn again. She went back to the window and waved at him to keep it down. What was he doing here. Wasn't he heart broken that Mary Jane had broken up with him. Wasn't he walking away from his heart. What was he doing here honking for LeAnn to come down.

She heard her Mum, LeAnn's Mum, she just knew it was the Mum.

"Honey, he's here. He needs to stop honking or the neighbours are going to complain."

"Yes mamz, coming right down."

Mamz? She called her mother Mamz? Why was she in her head. She is really going to have to take that ipod back. She wondered if she'd get a refund. And the honk went again.

She ran down the stairs. And her heart was beating very fast. She wasn't sure if it was because she was worried she was going to get Mamz upset or if she was excited to see Gav.

Mary Jane was such an idiot. She didn't know what she had. She was so caught up with being Perfect Ms I Live The Word of God. Did someone stick a ruler up her arse? So stuck up, so prissy.

Mamz came out of the kitchen. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail that was coming undone. She had a glass of wine and leaned against the door beam.

"Who's that kid outside? Isn't that Mary Jane's guy?"

"They broke up."

"Did they now? And you are going to be the one to cure his broken heart?"

LeAnn bit her tongue. She knew there was no point saying anything. If she did, it will be a war of words and she was sure Gav would start honking and that would make it worse.

"Mamz, we just going out for a drink. It is nothing."

"Yeah, that's how it always starts and then you end up alone with a baby to take care of."

"Mamz, that won't happen. I promise"

Mamz just sneered and took a gulp of wine. Didn't people sip and savour wine?

"If you are not home by midnight, I will personally turn you into pumpkin puree"

LeAnn nodded. And stepped up to kiis her mother on the cheek but she as she reached her, she stepped away and walked towards the the TV and switched it on.

"Don't be late."

LeAnn, nodded and walked up to at the couch and kissed her on the cheek. Even though her mother didn't respond, she knew if she didn't she probably would not have allowed her to go out.

She quickly made her way out before her mother said anything else.

The story goes on through LeAnn quite a bit. Somehow, her story really unfolded and suddenly the story was about her. Because Inara kept going back in time, I wanted some historical references, and I needed time for that. I am just going to stop with the excuses.

I did want to share everything I had written which was close to 15k words but maybe I should save some for next year. I will just be a lot more prepared now I have been through it once.

NaNoWriMo didn't discount my efforts. Here's a screencap of part of the email they sent me.

An email from NaNoWriMo

Also a big Thank you to @mariannewest for inspiring me to at least give this a try. Something I would have never thought of at the start of this year. I mean, I am not a writer.... hahaha. Ok, I should stop here... imagine if I had actually won hahaha. Thank you for entertaining my nonsense and reading til the end :D

All Images and Videos are from my Photo Gallery unless stated

With Much Love,

❤️👇🏿Part of these Tribes with Pride 👇🏿❤️