Untilted Series: Bloodsport 1.0 [An Intro. ~600 words]

in #fiction8 years ago (edited)



A slender hand, wrapped in leather, reaches for a stiletto blade. As it grasps the blades’ handle, it touches a muscular metal-infused palm grabbing the neighbouring katana from the rack. “Let’s spill some blood” she says.

“Alright, doll-face. Go for the throats first? Let's enjoy the new luxury together."

“You know me; novelty before Art.”

At hearing her voice speak his thoughts, he reaches for her hair and roughly clenches a fistful to pull her close. Grabbing her hair tighter, he kisses her deeply. She bites his lip and draws blood. He spits red on the ground.

"You are eager, aren’t ya, hon? Can’t wait a minute more to taste iron?”

The pair laugh and flirt as they walk down the narrow hallway to the arena gate, stopping in front of its metal bars. Beyond them is an oval field of dirt, surrounded by a clear wall which guards the spectator seating. The seats are full. The smell of sweets mingles with the smoke from barbecued meat. People eat fast, knowing once the combat begins, all anyone can taste is iron.

The speed and volume of the crimson spillage requires a dedicated group of cleaners. The best or worst task in Lemuria, depending whom you ask. They crouch against the arena sidelines, always ready with their rags, wipers, bottles and buckets. Some wear safety equipment and some don’t. Enforcing regulations isn’t the Lemurian way.

That’s how Sade likes it. Never one for fighting, Sade is happy to get this gig and be part of the messy action without having to use any muscle. It’s a good day for him; two fan favourites are back in the scene and everyone in Lemuria would give an arm to get as close as the cleaners do. Some would literally give their arm and spend a day as a Senti just to feel the heat off of Antigony and Pyrean’s bodies. Sade would gladly bleed into a Near-Death state just to smell their sweat and see their lust for violence up close. Lucky for him, he doesn’t have to, since his mom used her connections to score him this spot. Sade knows he owes her more than that; if his mom wasn’t the best smooth -talker on the planet, he wouldn’t even be alive right now. He grimaces at how he’s among the few who still call someone ‘mom’. The anxiety triggers a worry that he’d forgot to service the machines. Sade’s knees imitate the wobbling of the bars as he sees the gates tremble out of the dirt. This is what he’s been waiting months for.

“You better not be rusty, I don’t want to be covered in mostly your blood.” She eyes Pyrean head to toe, feeling like it's been forever since she’s seen him armoured-up. “Oh, I ain’t rusty, but I made sure to pick this dull-ass katana for the extra challenge.” A ring echoes as he hits the blade against the trembling gate. “Limb count bet still on?”

Antigony smirks in agreement before she walks out in the open arena twirling stilletto in hand. The sound of cheering fills her ears, making her dizzy for an instant. Pyrean joins her in the arena center, raising his fist at the crowd. The cheering grows louder until calming at the sight of the Orator walking up to the microphone. Sade waits in his corner, still trembling from anxiety, impatient to hear the Orator reveal what the Sentis’ Stats are for this battle.


Due to a Typo, I found a name for the series, which will do for now. "Untilted" lol

Sort:  

Good work. Keep it up. I'd like to see where the story goes.

Is there a reason you don't put paragraph breaks when different characters speak? It can be a bit confusing without them.

For Example:
“Let’s spill some blood” she says.

“Alright, doll-face. Go for the throats first? Let's enjoy the new luxury together."

“You know me; novelty before Art.”

Wasn't sure if it's always best to do, thanks for the suggestion and encouragement

Oh, bloodsport! I like it! Let's see you work some dark comedy into this! ;)

Dark comedy comin' up. Some of it I hope to be so subtle it makes me question my conscience for laughing at. :) thanks for reading

Having no conscience is preferable to questioning it. That's how I feel anyway. :)

better to have no conscience at all, than to have one sometimes and other times not.

It has a lot of potential. I hope you don't mind me pointing a few things out that may help your writing?

Facts: Research everything. Even if you don't think they're important, something you may get 'not quite right' will jar an enthusiast out of the story. A stiletto is usually a knife or dagger, not a sword as it wouldn't be sturdy enough in the length. A slender blade would probably be a foil but again, that wouldn't be much use if she was wagering limb-counts - it would kill easily (the point beats the blade in combat) but it wouldn't remove limbs.

This is personal preference: past tense works better than present tense because you can get more detail in (I know, it's a bizarre notion). Present tense is immediate, happening now, with no way of getting hind-sight in.

One last tip: Read your dialogue out and record it if you can. When you play it back, you will be able to hear where it rings false, making your dialogue tighter and more believable (that tip can be used for the whole novel).

Good Luck, I look forward to reading more of this.

Thanks for the 'pointers' :D

Viewpoint is so challenging! It's something I took for granted when reading, it's not something noticeable just being a reader. I like using present tense, somewhat natural to me. I started using it writing for a character who lives 'in the now' only, and just got a habit of it I suppose, as I didn't think about it when I started this. Your tip about hindsight not working with it is really valuable to me, something to look for when I write in present tense, so I can try my best to make it work. For a writing excercise I will take a stab at past-tense. I appreciate the read and thoughtful comment, Michelle.

You're most welcome. Thank you for taking my advice gracefully :)

Sounds interesting. Good luck with this. ...and I hate typos, but I think we're all allowed a few mistakes from time to time.

Thanks :) Inspiration can be found in the most subtle of things. Are you doing NanoWriMo?

NanoWriMo seems interesting. Not sure about making that commitment though.

failing word count is an option lol

since your a fan of word play, maybe you can help me find a title for the ring master? i just had Orator, which I switched to vile-Orator...then, shortened Vile-Orator to Vilorator, which I dont think works,though it's real damn funny if you look at the word Vilorator with squinty eyes. thoughts?

It looks like Violator. Vilorator hits about number 6 if you looked. Vilobrater. There's only one.

Riddles are fun.

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.20
TRX 0.14
JST 0.030
BTC 68140.53
ETH 3250.90
USDT 1.00
SBD 2.65