What Have You Been Exposed To? Contributed by @Olawalium
We often confuse people’s good gesture for an ulterior motive. Most of us, including me, we have been guilty of that. We sometimes second guess people’s intentions and I don’t know if it has anything to do with trust issues. I wouldn’t call it trust issues anyway, I would rather say it depends on what we have been exposed to overtime.
Our experiences shape us. I talk more about building ourselves up on the inside because everything we can ever be stems from this. Once we work upon ourselves from the inside, it is hard to keep the glow away from the outside. We become beautiful from inside out, not always outside in.
With a better mindset, I have come to learn that we tend to do more than we initially thought that we can. Okay, let me come back, hahaha.
Our experiences (either things that happened to us or things we have come to hear), shape how we see things. Our constant exposure to a certain view shapes how we view things and it soon becomes our reality.
Imagine a lady who always gets heartbroken due to constant lies from her past boyfriends. It is so hard for you to convince her that not all guys are the same. For such a lady, if she has a friend and that friend shared a discussion she had with her boyfriend, you know the kind of advice that will come from her. Such a lady will find it so hard to trust anything a guy tells her or her friends until she is able to confirm it. With gradual confirmation of the things you tell her, she tends to build up little by little again.
The same can be said about a guy, who got heartbroken many times due to a cheating partner. He will also naturally form his opinion on who ladies are and would also advise his fellow friends based on his own exposure. If he managed to fall in love again and for one reason or the other, the lady’s phone isn’t reachable, or it rang, and it later went off due to low battery, you can understand the kind of thoughts that would spring up right inside him. You wouldn’t understand why he would escalate such an issue with his girlfriend. He might not even accept her reasons as genuine.
The little exposures we have been having here and there always form their opinions in our minds. It is always our choice to accept it as our reality.
When you sometimes gift people something, they tend to feel a bit reluctant in collecting it, maybe they have this exposure whereby they think nothing is for free. I would never blame them. I have given things out many times and after they feel reluctant in collecting it, they think I will place a demand on something. Hahaha.
I have come to understand that giving is an art, so is receiving. I receive without reservations hahaha and I give without reservations too. We should try to stop second-guessing every intention. I know it might take a while and we are, of course, trying to guard our hearts, but I will say, be open and follow your heart without any prior mindset. You always have the choice to say “No,” even afterward.
You will understand why I came up with this message in the next one.
...to be continued...
Thank you for your time.
My pen doesn’t bleed, it speaks, with speed and ease.
Still me,
Olawalium; (Love’s chemical content, in human form). Take a dose today: doctor’s order.
Wow...
I was just reading this on someone's whatsapp status
Its says 89% of men regularly mistake a woman's friendly behaviour for flirting.
At the same time, It looks like this post is directly talking to me. Lol
I know lot of people reading this too(especially ladies) will feel the same way.
Well to me, I feel it might not always be because there's no trust.... I call it "Securing my territory" hahhahaha
No woman or man will wanna see your spouse or so being too close to someone else(especially opposite sex). Thats what simply makes us human.
Having said that, when one starts accusing your partner of what isnt happening is where the issue comes in. Trust is a very little but weighty word. Its vital for EVERY relationship. When trust is missing... Almost all is gone.
Also, what we have been exposed to can make us think otherwise about our partners, especially influence of friends... Hmmmm some friends have destroyed so many relationships. Our ability to stay put, trust and keep keeping on is what makes us mature.
At the same time, men and women too should understand that, no one is saying you shouldnt have friends, but take it cool with other friends. Thank you.
I can see you talking about been jealous here.. Smile
Anyways, a little but healthy jealous is good for the growth of any relationship, if their is no little jealous, I doubt if the love is there.
But, been jealous cannot be said to mean been suspicious. Suspicion comes in when you are using your past to judge the present negatively. Because your ex behaved in a certain manner each time s/he want to tell lies does not mean your current bf/gf will lie behaving in that manner too. Lol
Though, the different between suspicion and jealous might be so little, but they achieve different result.
One is required to grow relationship, another one can destroy the whole of the relationship...
Those who use their past to judge the present need time to get through it. They cannot just switch all of a sudden. What they have been used to has registered in their mind, and it takes an honest soul to change that, with a lot of patience...but only them can help themselves. They need to deal with it from the inside.
Still on the same matter....
You have to admit something is wrong before you look for the alternative way to get it done....
Our experiences have really shaped us.
I think our response to any situations, and events in our lives are all shaped by our experiences. Our thought process, our mind set, attitude, aspirations, expectations, and social behaviour are all altered or shaped by our experiences.
Hmm, nice one bro. Those are the factors that comes together to form our attitudes. If we are exposed to right ones, we develop good and positive attitudes, the same way we develop bad and negative attitudes when exposed to wrong ones...
There is nothing wrong with marking your territory, but everything calls for a bit of understanding, especially if the person hasn't given you any reason to doubt him. If he has given you reasons to doubt him in time past, then it is understanding that he needs to build the trust, but when he hasn't, its totally wrong to keep holding on to past experiences to judge the present, and the person in question too need to apply a little bit of caution. Everything takes time. Mindset is one of the hardest thing to change. It takes deeper conviction and time.
We all are shaped by our experiences in our lives. And the memories, good and bad have permanently altered our outlook towards our lives and future. We are nothing but a mind over matter that is a product of our experiences under specific circumstances in our lives. If our circumstances were any different our experiences would have been very different as well and would result in a different memory that will remain with us forever.
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
Thanks for sharing @olawalium
This is AMAZING!. Love this. You nailed this brother. Thank you so much for this. Really nice.
Bill Gate once said, "exposure from a young age to the realities of the world is a super-big thing ". Exposure is undoubtedly a great life changer. The kind of friends and media we expose ourselves to eventually influence the kinds of decisions we make in Life. I also used to think I had trust issues until I realized the decisions I make stem from the actions and activities of others that I have been exposed to. Exposure, in this case, can be synonymous to "Experience".
Perfect! Exposure and experience comes from the same root source, so liking one to another is never a mistake.
It's not that exposures or experiences are that bad, it is acting or reacting based on the wrong ones that is bad.
Naturally, we must learn something from our past, we should not just allow our past to ruin our present by building on the wrong part of our past...
You need to understand that it is not as easy as it sounds. How can the person know what is bad if that is the only reality they are used to? It takes the other person to make them see that and it has to be gradual. Both parties need to work; the one that needs to gradually work to change the mind set, and the one with the mindset that needs to be open and objective to judge based on what they see, rather than what they have been used to.
Absolutely. I really love this. Thanks a lot for this. Detailed.
By following what the mind says is why we see break ups
What if you've open many times and you were forced to close back by people?
I attended a new child of a friend of mine naming programme one and it happened most of my class mates at secondary school came too so we arrow around Just to view things of the area,we now saw on of our class mate house so I branched to say HI but she ain't around,i noticed one of our friends has left us there and hid somewhere save so the girl I checked at home won't see her so I asked him why he hid and then he said he dated her after our secondary school days but he left her no goodbye and she has been threatening him he must date her back
You know you can't be with her for so long so why did you ask her out but he replied me with nonsense answer that that's how he do and they would leave everything when he get married
Only God knows how many girls he has tricked cheated, and you expect those girls to trust guys again
It just ain't easy
He has negative thoughts about himself, and believes that the other prospective employees are better and more qualified than he is. Beno gained this attitude because of the bad experience he gained from the job interview he had previously attended.
His mind was filled with negative thoughts and fears for the job for a whole week before he would be interviewed. He was sure he would be rejected. On the day of the interview he got up late, his fear came true. He found the shirt he was wearing dirty, and his other shirt had to be ironed. And since he was late, he decided to wear a tangled shirt.
During the interview, he felt tense, showed a negative attitude, worried about his shirt, and was hungry because he did not have enough time for breakfast. All of these things cause his mind to get distracted and it's hard for him to focus on the interview. His overall attitude caused a bad feeling, and as a result his fear became reality and did not get the job.
Budi also applied for the same job, but he reacted differently. He felt confident that he would get the job. One week before the interview, he often visualized himself getting the job.
The night before the interview, she prepared the clothes she would wear and slept earlier than usual. On the day of the interview, he wakes up earlier than his usual, so he has enough time for breakfast, then arrives at the interview before the schedule.
He gets the job because he thinks positively of the things he does. Surely he also qualified for the job, as well as Beno.
What can we learn from these two stories? Is there a magic used in the story? No, everything is natural. If we have a positive attitude, these attitudes will produce positive feelings, constructive images, and we will see in the eyes of our mind what we want. This will give you enlightenment, more power, and happiness. Your self will also radiate goodness, happiness, and success. Even positive thoughts will also provide various benefits for your health. We walk upright and our voices are more authoritative. Our body language shows our feelings.
Thank you so much for this story. They both got presented with the same opportunity and they had different experiences. Our mindset goes a long way to determine what we would get, or not get. We should all learn to build it over time. I really enjoyed this story, and i am sure others do too, thanks a lot.
To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.
Brought to you by @tts. If you find it useful please consider upvote this reply.
This is really detailed and insightful. We misconstrue people's honest gesture to mean something else. We judge rather quickly based on what we have been exposed to overtime. It will take a conscious effort as deduced from this post to get it right.
You are one fine writer and @communitycoin should be proud of you.
When we change the way we think or gradually leave behind what we have been used to over time, we see and view things differently and it gives us peace.
Thank you so much for your kind words sir. It means so much to me coming from you. Duly appreciated and thanks for your contribution to this.
I don't know if id call it trust issues; but I've found the best way for me to deal with it is to try to see everyone's intentions in a good light unless proven otherwise; but rarely to fully rely on it. Unfortunately, empty promises run rampant in humanity, so it's always best to have a back up :)
What if there ain't back ups too?
Best thing is just don't rely on it,if they fulfil it, that's fine and it's still fine if they don't, it's only God that promises and fulfils
:|
No lie about that, what we exposed to surely have a big say on how we behave or react to situations.
I've seen people judging the actions of another simply before they perceive the motive could be wrong based on what they have been exposed to.
We need so much work to do in controlling what we are exposing ourselves to. Just look at the examples you sighted in the post, many are just passing through the present, their original self still dwell in the past.
They suspect everything even if you mean nothing more than just to help them. They still suspect. You hear them saying people are wicked even with mean no harm.
It wouldn't have been a problem if they stick to it and keep trying to get a way out of their problems, but they impacted the same set of believes on the coming generations.
Imagine people saying you should not marry from a particular tribe or community just because of what they have been exposed to? Smile
Just because someone sin from that tribe or community does not make all of them a sinner. But people hold on to this as enough reason not to have anything to do with people from that tribe or community again and they keep passing this to the generations after them.
That's just another instance, we have numerous of them... Smile
Thanks @olawalium and @communitycoin
This is key. It is hard to blame these people because what they have been used to over time is messing with them, so like you said, with conscious efforts, it will get better too, over time. Efforts, openness and patience are key.
Thanks brother.
...very true. Nonetheless, learning to develop a free mind is key. There's such a thing having a "childlike" approach to people, things and life at large. By having a childlike approach I mean being free minded. Take a study of children, they are care free, apparently they know nothing as yet, and they are yet to be exposed to experiences that'll eventually shape their lives to start reading meaning to things. This is in no way a case for being careless.
Let me sight an example: there's a certain man that has approached me for money about three times. Each time he says he had lost his fare to take him home, hence, he has no money to go home. The first time he approached me, I gave him money, but upon his second, third and consecutive attempts, I ignore him or simply tell him I don't have cash to spare, apparently, he has been lying to get money from people. Now, this experience may condition one into thinking that every person who is stranded and asks one for money is out to extort people and we eventually don't get to help those who are genuinely stranded.
There's what we call discernment. With time, and usual exposure to people with such character, I can discern to tell if one is lying or speaking the truth. I've not fully mastered the art, but, I believe it works. I believe it applies to other aspects of life. Trust, relationships, choices, etc!
Cheers!!
Absolutely.
That is key. Be open. Don't condition your mind only based on the experience you had, try to evolve.
Nice illustration there brother.