Thank you so much it seems that strangers give more insight.

I like what you thought about the water being my emotions and how my family caught up by it emerge okay. It has always been a worry of mine that it would be difficult for them. I have been battling my demons for decades and as much as I love my family I didn't want to involve them because they have problems of their own and so I have always tried to managed myself.

To be honest I really hate the me that I am now. I had so many dreams and at one point seemed to be able to fulfill everything when it happened and I went back to my shell and retreated from society. I became afraid and have not left the house and although I'm trying I can't find a steady job or have the confidence like I used to have.