Wow @eveokonma, i am touched, the past is the past and letting go of that is hard but it's best to try to forgive yourself and leave it in the past. You are not that person now and your a future does lie ahead of you if you give it a chance but you have to leave the past behind you in order to look forward and move forward. Taking medication for life is not something I'm happy with in fact I hope I don't have to take it for life. Right now, however I need my medication to live as normally as I can to be a mom, work and funcion to as close to a decent quality of life as possible. If you have to take the meds again to have a better quality of life, do it. We don't know if the side effects will hit us or some other disease. We don't know what tomorrow will bring but we do have the power to live for today. It's hard to do but we should try to live in the present, for today. I hope you find some comfort and peace and knowing your life can be better and hope does exist if you hold onto it. Cant wait for your goodnews.