It sounds like the overwhelming guilt is crushing you. If your parents are willing to forgive you maybe you should try to forgive yourself. You are not perfect and no one is. we all have bad things that we have done, people that we have hurt. You are worth forgiving. And part of that is committing to being upfront with your parents. They love you and only want the best for you. That is all that we as parents want for our kids, no matter what they have done. And yes it is just money. You are more important than money. I am not just saying that to make you feel better. This is the way that I feel about my two kids. You can make this better. And being honest with your parents is a great place to start. Maybe then you can forgive yourself for all that you have done.