i never expect anything.

Okay.. Well When you said this here it gave me that impression.
"if id known it was going to be like this i might have thought harder on my involvement in all this."
That sounds like you had expectations that didn't work out the way you would have liked, but I guess I could be wrong.

so my post was not to bring all this out but it always feels like you are ready to be defensive and be like this, i've seen you respond like this many times and its not all about that. people try to bring up ways to make it easier or suggestions but its taken wrongfully. apologies for me trying to say something LOL i will never do so again. i guess through it all, i never really was understood.

Sorry you felt like you were not understood.
I feel similar, I feel like you're not reading what I'm saying at least partly cause a few times now I've had to sort of repeat myself and just in this previous message to you I explained how I want everyone's voice to matter in this community, so I don't know why you feel like your voice does not matter.

Additionally when you say I've done this to others, I'm not sure I understand. I actually feel like I've been being a LOT more peaceful and diplomatic than I used to be when younger. I feel proud of myself I've been so peaceful and able to control myself, and now it's like I get called out even when I'm being nice and friendly.. it's weird. I feel like I can't win, even when I'm extremely nice and patient and respectful, people still feel like I'm not listening to them. I'm sorry. I don't know why that is. I've been working on non violent communication and listening to where the other person is coming from, and I feel like I would have handled this discussion and others much worse in the past. So.. Just like how the contest is being refined over time and improved, I do the same with myself.. I'm sorry again that you feel that way. I wouldn't be spending all this time talking to you if your voice did not matter. Everyone's voice matters and I try to listen to even my harshest critics. Even the people who have nothing constructive and only insults.. Everyone has a message to tell. I try to listen.

I'm not sure why you felt I was being defensive and unfair with you. I took a lot of time to try to respond to all of your points and explain my reasoning and how I feel about things, and.. It just doesn't seem to be good enough for you. I don't know what else to say besides I'm sorry things weren't good enough. Maybe in the future things will be better and we will continue to try to evolve and improve, and if not.. Hey.. At least we tried! And it was a lot of fun doing this experiment. :) Even if I didn't make 1 penny on steemit, it was worth it to me to do this contest. Thank you for everything you have helped with and I hope you can try to more understand where I'm coming from. I welcome your opinion, and I thank you for it. Your voice does matter to me and to the community in general, even if you decide to not be a part of it anymore. Peace to you eaglespirit. <3