Protecting our children from the damage done by schools
With the 6 weeks holidays drawing to an end here in the UK, I am starting to feel anxious about the drama ahead that I know will come along with the new school year.
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My son has additional needs and as a result can sometimes be a target for bullies, although he has learned over the years to stand up for himself.
He has managed to find a set of friends at school that he loves so I am excited for him to be able to socialise in person again after 6 weeks of sitting in his room with his xbox headset on, talking to his friends via the internet. (Apparently it isn’t cool to meet up face to face these days!)
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But what do you do when it is the school system and the teachers that are the ones doing the bullying?
Last year was a nightmare for us. The school system failed my son educationally and then reported me as a parent for NOT drugging my son after he had an adverse reaction to the ADHD meds that were prescribed to him.
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We were told at the end of the last school year that they were removing all of his additional needs support from the classroom starting in September due to funding, just in time for the start of his GCSE’s. Fabulous!
Luckily, the educational Psychologist was at the meeting and she has said she will support me in fighting to get the help put back.
Why do schools make it such a battle to access the support kids need when they have additional requirements? Surely they want all the children to succeed, not just the most able?
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My son has 3 more years left at school. I hope the 3 years will be happy and drama free, but deep down I am preparing myself for the battles ahead.
I am not a huge believer in the school system and I tell my son that even though the school keeps telling him he is failing, he is NOT a failure in my eyes.
He is talented and gifted in other ways and will do well in life as long as he pursues his dreams and follows his passions in life.
I wish he would come back to be homeschooled, but he enjoys the social aspect of school and who am I to stop him from being with his friends. After all, socialisation and communication skills are so much more important that achieving a ‘C’ in Maths!
If he spends the next 3 years creating happy childhood memories, making friends and learning about how to communicate properly, then school was worth the battles from my point of view.
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The last 6 weeks have been fun. We have spent a lot of family time together and have grown closer as a result. He even looks healthier as he has been eating and sleeping properly.
I will miss my son, but I know he will be happier being with his friends on a daily basis, the only reason for me that he attends school. Isn’t that crazy?
The biggest challenge will be counteracting the negativity from school if he doesn’t achieve the targets they set for him. They will continue to punish him and declare that he is a failure, regardless of my wishes. I have no control over what they say to my son, unfortunately.
All I can do is hope that he listens to the positive messages that we tell him at home, and realises that there are more important things in life than GCSE results. There are so many ways to measure success in life, academia is only one of them…
Thank you to Family protection and supporters for all your support through the hard times last year, I wouldn't have made it through without you!
If you would like to know more about Family Protection and the wonderful things that they do, please head over to their blog to check them out.
Thank you so much for reading! Much love, @beautifulbullies xx
TBH even though schools can hurt creativity, it still teaches the value of hardwork. The latter is super important, though we have to make sure to protect creativity and innovation as much as possible. I think we can make slight tweaks to the system to do that.
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Interesting post - I feel for you and your son. It's such a difficult issue. I have a close relative who has been diagnosed with ADHD and put on medication. My gut feeling is that medication should be avoided as much as possible, especially at such a young age, and I have said this to the child's mother, though not in a dogmatic way, as I simply don't know. When I asked what the symptoms are, I've been told that he's really forgetful and so disorganised without it that he can't keep to a reasonable timetable, etc. I can't see that these are severe enough problems to require daily medication for life, especially given the possible side-effects.
However I know that some adults with ADHD say that they cannot function without their medication, and what do I know? I don't have kids. All I can say is that if medication had been given out so liberally when I was in my teens, I would have been on everything going, as I was a mess! But I managed to get a university degree and then go into years of full employment with no regular medication whatsoever.
As I've said, I could be wrong on this issue. It's a very difficult and complex one, and I don't want to be dogmatic about it. Some people do need medication, sometimes from a very young age. But I can't help feeling that a lot of kids are being drugged up to help them adapt to the increasing demands of the school curriculum.
It is a tough call re meds because each child is different. The meds they give you for ADHD are speed. In my sons case, the speed made him suicidal, but it did help him to concentrate better. School wanted him on it because they could control him better and he was producing more work, but I then had to deal with a suicidal and severely depressed child at night time when he crashed and burned coming down from the drugs. It is a common side effect unfortunately. There was no way I was going to trade his mental health for producing more work at school! Even though the school thought it was best to get other people involved! luckily the powers that could have taken him away from me, agreed that the best thing was exactly what I had done. I feel the school were pissed at this response and to try and punish us, they removed his in class assistance. I think school is a complete brainwashing waste of time if I am honest. I think kids should be able to learn about things that interest them, in a way that inspires them. But schools aren't equiped well enough to accommodate this. :/
It's been exactly the same scenario with my close relative, and your experience makes me suspect that my gut feeling is correct. It's been terrible to watch him going through these cycles of depression and suicide attempts, and his loving parents have been going through hell - yet it's his mother who has been insistent on him taking these drugs, because she is a health professional who has been trained in these methods. I have voiced my thoughts on this in a gentle and non-argumentative way on four separate occasions. I know that his mother wants only the best for him and is acting out of love. But sometimes you need to go with your gut.
When my mum was pregnant with me, she had morning sickness and she was prescribed Thalidomide. My grandmother, who had no education as she was employed as a mill worker from age 14 until her marriage, said to my mum, "Never take any medication during pregnancy". So my mum stopped taking the Thalidomide after a week. Apparently when I was born I had "funny feet" and had to wear built-up shoes for a few months, but that was all. Sometimes the official health advice is simply wrong.
I'm fortunate enough to have a kid who does not have ADHD, but it seems to be getting more common, or is it just getting more media attention than before?
Also, does this affect boys more? I have TWO friends both with boys who have these kind of tendencies.
Statistically yes boys are more likely to be affected. But imho kids are misdiagnosed a hell of a lot. Owen is a complicated case because he has a number of different issues. Adhd is probably the simplest one.
I'm sorry to hear that you were reported for not giving him the drugs that gave him a reaction! I used to be a teacher and was told never to tell a parent that their kid had ADHD, etc. because they could sue me (in the states) to pay for their meds. Pretty crazy. Anyway, I am glad you see that he isn't a failure even if the grading system is telling him that he is. That is one of the many sad things about public schools and grades. A child may not excel in one area but be very talented in another that isn't tested or measured in the schools. I hope the next three years will be good for your son and you!
I am sure that he will be fine and enjoy the time with his friends. You have encouraged him and he has learned a lot from you. It will be just fine. Sending you both lots of love! 💚
I know what you mean & go through. The education system sometimes make it harder for the parents & child. Because it's so academic driven it doesn't helps children who are strong in other areas.
I even got into a arguement with the teachers about how points are given on examination papers. They claim that creative answers is not what they are looking for.
Ugh! Yuk! I hate mainstream education’s attitude! And teachers who don’t bother to take the time to support you and your children really shouldn’t be teachers at all! I wish you all the best with your son! <3
Thank you :)
I don't like the educational system because I don't think that it is helping kids out. Tell them they're a failure at something, and then they'll be scared for life. I wish I was living in Finland and have my kid go to school there!
With your support at home and his friends, he will manage to cope with school.
I know that he is strong willed so that is one good thing that he has taken from the home schooling. he knows his own mind and is not a robot. He will stand up for what he believes, even if it is against a teacher. Don't get me wrong, he is respectful, but he will argue his point if he has one. Thank you for your kind words :)