Without going into detail as I am fixing to lay down to rest for the night... or should I say weeee hours of the morning lol, I just wanted to tell you we have a common bond. I understood you so clearly as you spoke of your mother. I too endured the same upbringing and into adulthood till I broke free. But the subconsciousness does stay with me always and it's a daily battle, but I battle it fiercely and as you, I have my reminders in place in one form or another to work through and eliminate self doubt.
It's almost freeing to hear another even speak of it here in our world of steem where I spend so much time. A reassurance that, Yes, it is the reality of what happened, and No, it wasn't my fault-the direct results of programming. Regardless, I think it gave me a better sense, an instinct, an understanding. It's hard to put what I want to say in words without delving into places I at the moment am not willing to go. But I'm virtually hugging you, I can undoubtedly say that I understand with great sincerity. I try to live my life joyously as much as I can surrounded by music, nature, family and yes... solitude at times. Without creativity I would probably dwindle up and die lol It is a huge comfort.
I say, You are just lovely, a beautiful spirit and soul with creativity and heart, shielded by more strength that you probably know. Do things that bring you joy and live within a realm that you feel secure in. Night Sweetheart ♥