Why I'm Powering Down (For a Few Times)-Finally Found My Missing Friend

I built much of my steemit account up writing about my theories on addiction and the road to recovery. Much of the insights were extrapolated from my experience trying to help a friend of mine get to rehab to battle her heroin addiction:

Today was an incredibly significant day for her. She could have lost it all. I can't keep giving her a place to stay if she isn't fighting for her life back. She could be on the streets with no friends and family in an instant. The cell phone I got going for her would eventually run out and she would disappear into the streets.

Or, if she got all that done, which she did, she could go up town like she always does, get her fix, and come back, later tonight, late tonight, or perhaps tomorrow morning. Food and a warm place to stay. Conversation, love, communication. She can have a plan, and her stuff will still be here when she is back.

It's two weeks or less to get into treatment, into THIS treatment option. Her LAST option. They know she needs a week in detox, and so she is waiting on a call to tell her to start calling detox. Detox is a 2 – 5 day wait. So if she can be stable for a few more days, she might get this option in her life to open up.

A few more days, but she doesn't know if she will keep herself together. However, she knows now, because of today, all she has to do is make 1 phone call for a few days, and then start making another to detox. She went to detox a month ago (you can only go once every 30 days), and made it through, but her treatment center arrangements fell through, and she's been struggling to stay stable for the last few weeks.

Once she is told to start calling detox, and she HAS bed lined up for treatment, she KNOWS she is home free. From now until then, she just needs to survive.

She did in fact make it away and she did very well for many months. It was a little strange though, a few months later she started to break contact and in fact her mother told me to leave her alone through recovery which I think was also odd considering I played a very key role in getting her there (and her family refused to help in any way).

Unfortunately from my view it seems her mind was already crafting a way out, and sure enough somewhere close to a year in her programs she disappeared. I found this out when I saw her sister pleading on her facebook profile to please let her know she was alive.

I was quiet worried because its confusing to watch someone get their life back and then throw away again. I was worried she wasn't free to make her own decision.

Perhaps she was free though because I recently got an email from her. Of course she was asking for money, but that's ok, in fact I sent her many emails telling her I have money for her and to get in touch. An addict will always ask you for money, they have to, its how their brains are wired. But after that formality was out of the way she shared different sentiments.

She hadn't made it out of the city in which her programs were in. Her and a friend from treatment relapsed together and apparently got a place together. She admits she's now a fentanyl addict. I'm not sure what that implies-I think she uses more frequently, its more addicting, and more dangerous. I can't imagine the scars she's building up if she uses even more now.

Anyways, I did send her some money. 20 dollars she was asking for and I sent her about 25. She didn't have great plan to con me of a ton of money, it was just a formality that an addict has, “Even 20 bux will do, sorry to ask.”

I don't believe in starving our loved ones of love, caring, food, help, shelter, money, medicine, or their addictions.

I think what happens often is our loved one gets addicted years before we realize it and by then we have let ourselves get exploited by their addiction for a long time. We end up bankrupt in many related ways. By the time we recognize the problem we are emotionally and monetarily spent. I think many times as a last resort probably loved ones fork up some money for the “last time”, not realizing how impossible (heroine) addiction really is to beat. Then the family admits defeat (but before truly understanding the scope of the problem to be “fixed”).

Then the common practice is “tough love”. Saying “She has to choose” and then cutting the love one off from all support until they finally get clean.

I don't' believe in this.

It is impossible to get on one's feet without any help. For those that do I commend them but I think its mostly chance. From my experience I certainly wasn't able to get back on my feet without help and support.

Addicts often lose all contact with “normal” people. The mind adapts and forgets what normal is supposed to be and with the social stigma heroine brings there is a great divide created in this regard.

And she can't keep a phone going.

So no family, no phone, no “normal” friends and tied to multiple needles per day before her mind can even function with any amount of sanity. There is little hope for that situation.

But, as I said, I made most of what my account here is today by writing insights about her situation, and I always said that much of the savings I have in steem will continue to go towards helping her. I sent her two small payments just so she knows I really will send her money.

The next payment will be a deal. I will send 20 dollars and if she buys a sim card that I can load up with phone and data minutes then I will send her 50 more dollars. Usually she can find a cheap phone and that's a start (otherwise I'll find a way to send her a phone because if I just give her money to buy a phone she'll spend it on drugs).

The money I send her goes straight to drugs but I truly think its what she needs. Not the drugs, but regular random small amounts of money. I think its what we all need when we are down and out. We each organize our day the best we can and if once in a while something unexpected but favorable happens it really boosts our belief in the world. This is important.

When you think, “I'm screwed, why did I waste my money!? Fuck my life, fuck this world.' and then mom or dad bails you out, or you find a random 20 dollar bill, or someone invites you to dinner etc., this is when you start to think, “This place isn't so bad, and I'll make it through.”

You remember “gratitude'.

And then you start to have more patience and more self control. You start to think and dream about how it might be possible to change. You believe in yourself.

Everyone needs a little money. We tend to think money is the root of all evil. Its not. Its the cure for all evil. Just little amounts. Too much, too fast is obviously a bad thing. But we all need our own money to make our own decisions.

So I will power down a couple times and very slowly give my friend the feelings that she's got help and all is not completely lost. If she just takes it and doesn't try to get better then so be it. But if she starts to use the help to give rehab another shot, then the help from me will increase.

She only gets offered bad deals, bad loans. What she needs is some good deals, and good loans as a counter.

After a few power downs I should have enough to help her for a few months and I am incredibly grateful to Steemit for having that opportunity. She deserves it and her family refuses. She showed before if she had help she would take it for all it was worth and I suspect it wouldn't take much before she gave it another shot.

It's no skin off my back. I'm not leaning on her for anything back. My heart is already broken thinking about all such people in her spot. She is simply the one person that I will help in this regard and she gets that help for free, because that's what she needs and what she doesn't otherwise have.