blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years agoStudent Finds Pen After Digging Through Backpack for 15 MinutesMEMPHIS, TN – During Dr. Jennifer Fisher’s lecture on mitochondria, student Candace Anderson decided she needed to…blueparrotnews (25)in #cryptocurrency • 7 years agoTeen Buys Bitcoin on Coinbase, Now Cryptocurrency ExpertTOLEDO, OH – Yesterday, 17-year-old Ethan Wright purchased 0.002 BTC on Coinbase with his debit card. “I’m…blueparrotnews (25)in #fakenews • 7 years agoMan Finally Gets Capri Sun Open Using JackhammerAfter attempting to open his Capri Sun juice pouch with the appended straw for 20 minutes until it bent and broke…blueparrotnews (25)in #tidepods • 7 years agoDangerous New Trend has Teens Washing Clothes with Mister Salty Handi-SnacksInspired by the Tide Pod Challenge, teens and young adults have been participating in yet another dangerous activity:…blueparrotnews (25)in #humor • 7 years agoFruit Salad Remains Untouched at BBQPLANO, TX – Guests at “Burgers by Burglars”, a community service event where local felons serve hamburgers to young…blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years agoWaffle House Open During Nuclear WarNORTH CAROLINA – The 24-hour breakfast food chain Waffle House has decided not to close its doors during the latest…blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years agoMan Writes Inspiring Facebook Post about Getting off FacebookSILVERLAKE, CA – A man by the name of Alex Clapper has written an awe-inspiring post on his Facebook wall about how…blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years agoEarth Quarantined from Rest of UniverseMILKY WAY GALAXY – In a unanimous decision among the other planets, Earth will be placed in isolation from the rest of…blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years agoBernie Spotted at Library Browsing Craigslist Free SectionBURLINGTON, VT – On a trip to check out The Maple Syrup Museum, Vermontian Mariah Bennington was unexpectedly struck…blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years agoOpium Poppy Sad Its Tears Are IllegalGOSTAN VALLEY, AF – Earlier this week, Polly the Opium Poppy was crying sappy tears about how she couldn’t immigrate…blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years agoCat Unimpressed With New Dry FoodPORTLAND, OR – On the morning of January 18, 2017, Graham Cracker the cat rose from his slumber and did his usual…blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years agoMath Teacher Unsure What to Do With 57 Plus 14 WatermelonsABBEVILLE, LA – Early Monday morning, 3rd grade math teacher Patrick McCooley loaded up his car with 71 watermelons.…blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years agoResearch Suggests Brussels Sprouts Still GrossBRUSSELS, BE – New research findings from Katholieke Universiteit Leuven suggest that Brussels Sprouts are still…blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years agoVeterinarians Desperately Try to Revive Burger at Annual Office BBQOMAHA, NE – In an unexpected and unfortunate turn of events, the veterinarians from Greenwood Vet Clinic were…blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years agoStudy Finds Happy Meal Toy More Nutritious than Happy MealCAMBRIDGE, MA – Researchers at Harvard University have concluded that the toy included in a McDonald’s Happy Meal is…blueparrotnews (25)in #satire • 7 years agoMacbook Pro 2017 to Have Chip Reader as Only InputCUPERTINO, CA – The controversial decision to remove everything useful on the 2016 Macbook Pro has continued with the…blueparrotnews (25)in #introduceyourself • 7 years agoThis is Blue Parrot News!Hi! Blue Parrot News is a satirical news website kind of like The Onion, except with a parrot. You can find our…
