Dear Jordan Owen (an open letter)

This is my big "fuck you" to the YouTube community. Here you'll find some personal reasons why I think Steemit is such a game changer. Finally we can easily support one another in a way that's actually beneficial. Transcript beneath video.

TRANSCRIPT:

Dear Jordan Owen,

I’m a long time fan of yours. I really used to love your epic takedown videos and I wish you’d start making them again. I’m such a fan of your work that I have absolutely no regard for you as a person. My corporeal reality is so utterly detached from the media I consume that I’ve completely forgotten that its creation is the result of many hard hours of work. That’s why I’m asking you to make great videos again. And more importantly, I want you to do it for no money.

After all, you got $54,000 to make your documentary and I think that’s all the money you should ever get for your hard work because I’m completely incapable of understanding that nearly all of that went to production costs. Your documentary was poorly lit and as such I’ve decided that none of that money was spent on production.You obviously still have 100% of it. And that’s okay because $54,000 is more than enough money to sustain you through the remaining 50 years of your existence. So stop being so greedy- and make me videos to watch for free.

I just won’t be happy unless I know that you’re alienating friends and family with your eccentric antics all while flushing your professional reputation down the toilet. Oh what am I saying- if I was aware of any of that I’d never have the gall to ask you to do this in the first place.

Come on, Jordan, I want you to spend countless hours using your talent for the written word to come up with hilarious put-downs for internet nut jobs that would have probably gone away a long time ago if you hadn’t been giving them so much attention. But most importantly, I want you to do it for no money.

I mean really, who do you think you are, Jordan? Just because a truckload of bloggers jumped on the bandwagon you’d already been driving for years and parlayed their flagrant copycattery into lucrative careers and the financial security of making thousands of dollars every month doesn’t mean you deserve to be compensated for your time and effort. You should be happy with the meager support of a tiny handful of loyal followers while all the guys that came after you smoke cigars lit with burning twenties.

And really, Jordan, don’t you realize how pathetic it was when you basically told your enemies that they’d won and crawled away to be forgotten? I mean, that was really painful to watch. Too bad I lack even the most basic semblance of basic human empathy or it would have occurred to me that as painful as it was to watch it must have been, like, a million times worse to experience and as such I probably shouldn’t randomly show up and rub your nose in it.
I mean, really, Jordan- who needs a personally fulfilling life of productive work and real human connection? Why be satisfied with feeling like you’re actually making real people’s lives better every day when you could sit alone on your computer and think of sarcastic put downs to be levied at fascinating and worthwhile people like Kevin Logan? I mean come on, man, isn’t it worth the countless nights sitting up remembering all the teachers who told you what a great writer you’d become and feeling like you’d let them down so that you can throw witty jabs at psychologically deranged also-rans? Isn’t that better than being able to support yourself as a bestselling novelist?

You really have to understand where I’m coming from here, Jordan. I’ve never failed at anything as hard as you did and so I have no frame of reference for what it’s like to hit rock bottom and have to start over again in your thirties to be forever haunted with the truth that you squandered the best years of your adult youth on petty garbage.

What really blows my mind, though, Jordan, is that you’re a fan of Ayn Rand and you’re still e-begging your viewers. I mean really, would Ayn Rand have approved of your begging your followers for money? Would SHE have done what you do and try to lecture us about how doing free work is making you financially destitute and we need to compensate you if we want to see it continue? Of course not! What you should be doing is spending countless hours wasting your time on something that you no longer enjoy that makes you no money out of a sense of duty and obligation to a bunch of ingrates that that want free entertainment. THAT is what Ayn Rand would have wanted for you.

So go on, Jordan- get back on that camera and go back to saying all the things that I don’t have the balls to say myself. Having supposedly legitimate news outlets print lies about you is something I’ll never have to experience and I have you to thank for that! And really, isn’t that kind of gratitude better than money? I think so.

Who needs a life when you’ve got the internet and a bunch of viewers who want to pay you no money for the privilege of having you tell them what they already think? Stop and consider what really matters in life, Jordan. Why wouldn’t you want to the latest victim of a gossip obsessed culture that thrives on building people up only to watch with mastrabatory glee when they come crashing down? I mean, Britney Spears and Vanilla Ice were millionaires when that happened to them but you’re one step ahead of the game- you get to spend your whole life hitting rock bottom AND never have any money weighing you down.

And whatever you do, don’t post a deeply sarcastic video where you pose as a fan that’s ironically oblivious to their own inconsiderate behavior. I’ll never have enough self-awareness to actually stop and wonder if I’m out of line. Just keep pouring your soul into the bottomless pit of my forever unsatisfied neediness and feel good when you can’t afford to feed, clothe or shelter yourself as a result.
K, Thanks!