Yoga with Cows! and Thoughts on Hiding Behind Our Accomplishments

It's easy to hide behind my yoga practice. I think we all do that to a certain extent: hide behind what we know for the sake of protecting how vulnerable and truly uncertain we really are.

The ego says, just tell me I'm doing this one thing right and maybe that means I'm right and I'm okay. But I won't show you that part of me beneath the string of random facts or the accomplishment because then I'm vulnerable to attack, and that is to be avoided at all costs. If I share what I'm good at, there's no space for you to criticize my accomplishments...and at the same time, there's no room for you to truly see me. I've lived like that for most of my life, operating most productively behind a title or a role, rather than as a human being.

I thought that I didn't have the skills or experience to just show up as myself. I needed to bring some trait, some feat, some story, some comfort, some form of service in order to feel comfortable in showing up.

I think that idea is at the heart of unintentional social media usage and I think that mindset was at the heart of so much social anxiety I've experienced: what mask am I supposed to hide behind if I have no role to play? You can't honestly think me showing up empty handed is enough!

Now I know better. I know better, but it's still something I'm actively working on. Believing in myself enough to know I don't need to hold onto anything I've done in a room full of strangers. Ever. Because it's more about what I'm meant to do when I get to that place:

be and love.