Diary of thoughts #1 - Unspeakable thoughts

underthetree (50)in #writing • 7 years ago (edited)

ADHD and the need of novelty to concentrate

As a person living with ADHD, I go through periods where I have no capacity to concentrate. It happens mostly when I loose the emotional purpose of the projects I'm doing. And it happens everytime I stay in a routine, because I thrive in novelty. It's the passion in discovering and imagining unfamiliar things that keep me motivated and gathered mentally. Otherwise, when I remain in the same environment for a long time, my brain loose its focus, my thoughts becomes blurry and colors of life fade.

Blurry thoughts are unspoken words.

I cannot speak clearly my voice because all my thoughts bubbling in my head are in disarray. Those thoughts, they cannot cross the borders of my throat, they amass themselves in a dense ball putting on weight on my shoulders. A ball with which I cannot play.

This is a quite frustrating sensation when I want to share my thoughts but cannot make them clear. I feel like the identity I have within myself cannot be grasped and understood by the world, thus I sense no harmony with the image I project and the person I am. I have no belonging to the world, the cluttered wall of foggy thoughts imprisons my soul in a sea of solitude.

Sounds bad, eh? Well, this wall can be destroyed. In many ways.

There are many ways to express those thoughts

I may be struggling to communicate orally this soup of confusion, but eventually, by allowing myself a space and a moment to create freely, the fog will dissipate and I will see the picture reveal the ideas and the feelings that were previously elusive.

I praise creation as an antidote to express the unspeakable, to create a bond with humans, to leave a mark into the material world. It is important to me, and I will struggle as long as I need to make my point.

I hope you guys have a good day full of creation!

Love ;)