An African Proverb on apportioning Blames - Sankofa Creative Competition 3

This is my entry for the third Sankofa Creative Competition

OKUKO NA-AROGORO ITE ONU, CHETEKWE MMA GBURU YA.

(The Chicken Frowns At The Cooking Pot, Ignoring The Knife That Killed It)

This is an Igbo proverb. Africans draw their lessons from around them. That explains the constant use of animals in proverbs, like the chicken.

I'm going to talk about this proverb in the contest of apportioning blames. We find ourselves in this situation many times, We blame others, almost by default. Forgetting that we do not have all the facts. Most of us hear of situations and instead of finding solutions, the first thing we do is to start judging who is responsible for this or that.

Here's a short story:
***
Why didn’t you wake earlier? He raged. “I’m almost done” I replied. "This morning isn’t just right", I muttered to myself. I quickly turned the scrambled eggs into a plate and headed to the dining with his breakfast. I just feel so tired, but that’s the least of his concerns now. "I cant believe this!" I turned, startled by the outburst. He continued, “You mean I waited all morning for some tasteless food? What kind of wife are you? In my next life I wouldn’t allow my mother choose a wife for me”. I had forgotten to put salt. Good Lord! Going by the time his visitors left last night, he should cut me some slack. What’s all this? Did he have a nightmare? These are the thoughts that flooded my mind. But what he said isn’t something I haven’t heard before so I didn’t know when I blurted out, "I’m really tired of hearing that cliché. You need to get a new one."
He glared at me, picked his briefcase and stormed out without a word.

I try to fix things around the house. And when I get to the bathroom, I decide to check the pregnancy kit I got last week. I look at the result with mixed feelings. Are we really ready to have a kid right now? We have to talk things out before I break this news to him.

I wake up with a start. Someone is knocking. Why didn’t he just take his keys along with him. "Welcome". I greeted in a cold voice. "Honey, how was your day?" "Fine. Your food is on the dining."
"Thanks. But we need to talk first."

"Sure you don’t want to eat first?"
"I’m sure."

"Baby, I’m sorry about my outburst this morning"
I interrupted, "I'm sorry…"
"please let me finish. My boss called me to his office this morning and talked some sense to me. He noticed I haven’t been as cheerful with him as usual. He asked me what the problem was and after some probing I admitted that I had been feeling that he has been mean toward me recently. And he pointed out that I haven’t been a good employee either and that I've lost the zeal he first saw in me. He quoted a proverb in our native tongue. He explained that I should focus on my priorities instead of looking for who to blame for the things that are wrong in my life. He also added that If I adjust, I'd be up for the promotion I've been looking forward to.

I thought about it and realized that he’s right. I apologized to him and I’m here now. I’m sorry for the harsh things I said to you."
"What about that part about your mum, the cliché?"
"Baby, I made the decision to spend the rest of my life with you, and it wasn’t just based on your beauty…I'm sorry"
"It's okay. We're fine. I got some news for you Guess what?."
"You killed the rat in the kitchen?"
"No! be serious."
"Hold on, if you want to go shopping you have to wait till next week."
"Baby!"
"Fine what is it?"
"I’m pregnant!"
"Oh my God! Let me lift you now that I still can"
"I love you"

---

Humans love to apportion blame. Everything has to be someone’s fault. Someone’s got to take the blame. But sometimes we dish out all the blame and forget to leave some for ourselves. We blame everyone but the one person responsible for our mistakes and that is no one else but ourselves. If he had not done this, if she had not done that… Oh please!

Let’s just remember something. We CAN NOT control people’s actions. But we CAN control our response to them. And most times, the response makes all the difference.