Sleepless Nights

What to do when you can't sleep. Yes, it's another one of those nights where just as I'm about to nod off to sleep I pop up in a panic state and inevitably end up habing to get dressed and go for a late night walk. Some nights I find myself wandering around the streets crying in fits of depression and anger for not being able to find rest.

Thankfully the depressive fits aren't with me tonight and now that I'm sitting in a happy place I'm reminded of the 80's chick band The Bangles. In the song "Return Post" (link below) the words are ringing clear as they say "well it's cold it's wet and it's been raining all night and there's a letter I've been trying to write..." So here I am writing.

Most of the time I'm fairly happy and content with my somewhat eclectic life. Nights like this.....not so much. I can't seem to find the off switch nor the mood regulator valve to tone down the shifting from one thought of overwhelming joy and the next breathe contemplating ending my meaningless ecistence on this planet. If you suffer from this kind of madness then I indeed empathize with you and hope these words help you to find some solice in knowing your not alone.

The yawns have started coming my way so soon I'll make my way back to my bed and pray I don't pop up out of bed again in a panoc stricken state. If so I'll probably end up walking the streets until the sun comes amd force myself to stay awske throughout the day. Usually that works and tends to reset my clock back to a normal schedule but who knows when the mind won't shit off and the crazies kick in.

I had a pastor friend of mine ecplain to me his thoughts on insomnia and panic attacks as being a spiritual issue, that one might be feeling detached from God or lacking a spiritual connection to a higher power. I've thought a good deal on his words and perhaps there is some validity to it as spending time in prayer and experiencing a cathartic emotional reconnection does tend to help. Spiritualist might call it getting grounded or finding your center or some other new age term but whatever it is it does seem to be effective. Prayer, tends to change things and there's some pretty good science to back it up. So, I think I'll close this letter and spend some time in prayer, cry a few tears and find my wsy back home to a nice warm bed.

Blessed Be.