Grief and Nicotine can - kill

Grief and Nicotine can - kill

August 27, 2018 - Sonja Velvet

I have no idea,
I will be the person who's gonna having panic attack to get on the ambulance,
due to having not being able to even breathe or move my body.

I have no idea,
to put down the grief of losing my father in order to carrying on my everyday life,
is costing me so much stress and pain inside of me,
but only after the doctor analyzed.

I have no idea,
I can't just quit nicotine after using it for over 20 years,
it was depression first seconds of woke up to bed in the week 2-3,
it was also part of the reason why I'm in a total losing control mental state,

Being a good patient, taking the meds, healing now.

Ha-Ha-Ha,

• No one who knows me good, will ever imagine me in a situation like this.

My Mental Health was always in check,- But NOT ANYMORE.
I'm just Human,

My life don't go on without pills for almost 3 weeks now,
I'm healing and I'm trying,
I know and the doctor says it might take 2-3 months to recovered -please just kill me---------!

xxxxxxx x

My life stops.

And it re-Started again,

xxxxxxx x

I will be healthy again,
and getting back to do more of the creative works I love,
but everything in this world matter lesser to me now,

Only the people who loved me and took care of me matters me in my world,
rest of the world,
do not exist to me much anymore.

When I die,
they will be the only ones that matters.

When my father die,
when I saw him laying in the coffin,
my life changed, forever...

I understand what matters in life so much more now.

...I hope I will be able to take care of my dog Happy as long as he live, he's going 6 this year....

Sure I enjoy being a creative person and sharing love and positivity,
but I just know,
in the end,
Everything ends.

I don't matter,
and I don't care to be matter,
I just want to use my life to do something good as much as I can,
and I owed it to my parents...

Everything is this world is a Dream.
But only the Love we received and gave will last forever.

Fuck art and music in this matter,
I choose Life and Love,
always.

xxxxxxx x
S.

btw will try to finished the 3rd single....as a mentally ill:) but not promising anything this year.

God damn 2018 you got me good!

Blessing + Love,
Always...,

https://www.sonjavelvet.com/single-post/2018/08/27/Grief-and-Nicotine-can---kill