The Dream of a Soulmate Part (5)
Specifically the Dream of a Soulmate Infatuations
Through the wide windows of the Taj Mahal, he can see fast-moving clouds and, in the far distance, a hesitant sun casting rays on the volcanic black domes of the Pentlan Hills.
He could restrict himself to thinking that Kirsten is rater a nice person with whom to spend morning solving some vexaing issue of municipal administration. He could curtail his judgement as to what depths of character could plausibly lie behind her reflections on office life and scottish politics. He could accept that her soul is unlikely to be casually discernible in her pallor and the slop of her neck. He could be satisfied to say that she seems interesting enough and that he will need another twenty-five years to know much more.
Instead of which, Rabih feels certain that he has discoverd someone endowed with the most extraordinary combination of inner and outer qualities - intelligence and kindness, humour and beauty, sincerity and courage; someone whom he would miss if she left the room even though she had been entirly unknown to him but two hours before; someone whose fingers - currently drawing faint lines with a toothpick across the tablecloth - he longs to caress and squeeze between his own; someone with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life.
Terrified of offending, unsure of her tastes, aware of the risk of misreding a cue, he show her extreme solicitude and fine-grained attention.
I'm sorry, would you prefer to hold your umbrella ? he asks as they make their way back to the site.
Oh, I really don't mind she replies
I'd be happy to hold it for you - or not' he presses
Really, whatever you want!
He edits himself strictly. Whatever the pleasures of disclosure, he seeks to shield Kirsten from all but a few sides of his character Showing his true self is not, at this stage, any kind of priority.They meet again the following week. As they walk back towards the Taj Mahal for budget and progress report, Rabih asks if he might give her a hand with the bag of files she is carrying, in response to which she laughs and tells him not to be so sxist . It dosen't seem the right moment to reveal that he would no less gladly help her to move house - or nurse her through malaria. Then again, it only amplifies Rabih's enthusiasm that Kirsten doesn't appear to need much help with anything all - weakness being, in the end, a charming prospect chiefly in the strong.
The thing is half of my department has just been let go, so I'm effectivley doing the work of three people, Kirsten explains, once they are seated. I didn't finish till ten last night, though that's monstly becaue , as you may already have picked up, I am something of a control freak'
So frightened is he of saying the wrong thing, he can't find anything to talk about - but because silence seems like proof of dullness neither can he allow the pauses to go on. He ends up offering a lenghty description of how bridges distribute their loads across their piers, then follows up with an analysis of the relative braking speeds of tyres on wet and dry surfaces. His clumsiness is at least an incidental sign of his sincerity: we tent not to get very anxious when seducing people we don't much care about.