All On My Own - Open Diary Series.

saysme (52)in #writing • 7 years ago

Part Two - My Leap From The Nest.

There is a pivotal point in our lives where we shed our adolescence and leap-- or sometimes drag ourselves, into adulthood. In literature and film, it's referred to as a coming-of-age story. We watch/read as the protagonist undergoes a period of psychological and moral growth, leaves home behind, rebels against their former guardian(s) and defines the future for themselves. Like the baby bird leaving the nest for the first time, it can be a scary, awkward, ungraceful leap.

The best description I've found for the last 5 years of my life is this kind of story. It's been the least graceful, wings-flailing-to-hold-me-in-the-air period of my life to date. From Day One out of my parents' house, I was off to a college I couldn't afford to attend. I was determined to make a nose-dive right out of the nest. Partying quickly became my priority over studying and within two years, I was a hungover, half-starved, very depressed shadow of my former self. People noticed. So many people tried to help me. But I pushed them all away. I wanted independence. I thought it meant being completely alone.

Somehow I managed to graduate on time. With the help of very patient professors and mentors, I finished my degree without a single credit hour to spare. Mentally, I was an absolute wreck and I knew it. I hated the city. I was ashamed of who I had become and claustrophobic of everyone's concern. So I pulled an Eat. Pray. Love. I got rid of everything I owned (mostly clothes) and bought a one-way ticket to a place no less than 2,000 miles away. That's how I ended up in Philipsburg, Montana.

This would be my moment to truly find myself. I was happy to be out in the wilderness, climbing mountains, eating organic and doing yoga. I was ready to patch myself back together both physically and mentally and regain my trust in myself to create a meaningful life.

What I didn't realize in those initial days, is that I had chosen a town that prides itself on being a"Small Town With A Big Drinking Problem," as my new home. Within two months, I was back to partying just like I had in college. I was in the Neverland of the Northwest, running with a whole fleet of Lost Boys. That year, I managed to get myself into an abusive relationship that would leave me mentally broken in more ways than I knew possible. My trust in myself was lower than ever. I started to doubt that I would ever get out of the hole I had been digging since I left home.

Then I met Austin. And instead of facing the future and my problems alone, I had someone to do it with me.