My thoughts....
For days now I have gone with out talking to the one person I have Loved the longest.... My mind tells me I am doing the right thing; but my heart says other wise. I lay awake some nights wondering if he misses me or just the things I would do for him. I wonder if he even thinks about the need that our daughter needs besides his needs and wants. All I have seen has been his addiction to electronics; since we started our relationship. I wish that it wasn't so; but everything got worse after I became pregnant. I started to feel neglected and pushed away at the same time. He would spend so much time on the computer that he didn't help me with any of the house work. By this time I had cleaned the kitchen and the living room top to bottom on my own. I wish that he would have helped me with out being asked multiple times to do so. In the mornings before I headed off to class I would have to write a list of things I would like help with and hope that he would wake up before I got home. I am not sure what all caused the relationship to end other than the lack of communication on both sides and the distance growing between us emotionally.
With in the last two years alot has happened and we both lost people we loved and cared about. We let our own feelings get between us and tear us apart. Now I am just over 35 weeks along and getting everything set for her to be here. Yes I did leave him and yes it broke my heart to pieces; but our relationship became unhealthy and all the fighting put so much stress on me that it was affecting our daughters growth. She was smaller than she should have been; only after removing myself from the environment and into my fathers house across the country did she flourish and start to grow rapidly. I don't want to force him to be a dad if he isn't ready to be one and with all of his actions that have been shown that seems to be the case. Which makes me sad..... I have put my feelings and wants aside to make sure my daughter has a stable place to be brought up in. I have also made it so that my daughter will know her grandparents even if I don't stay living here in Illinois to make that possible. However I will let her get to know her grandfather and all of her family here. I would love to have her father here for her; but he doesn't seem to want to do that. Makes me even sadder to know that he is making the choices that he has been.
Dear @gogogadget;
I want you to know I forgive you and all the things you have said and done to me. I love you and will always love you and care for you. However I know you may never feel the same for me and you only see me as a monster for taking my self across the country. I really only wanted to see how far you would go for me and our soon to be a daughter to show you loved us. My thoughts before I go to sleep are of your arms around us when we would fall asleep. I miss the embrace of the safest place I have found. I miss you and wish you would come around and start seeing things differently.
Love who once was your Kitten.
Enjoy and keep on steeming.
You are so full of it. I was there when you flipped out. I watched as you screamed and yelled, all the while never asking for assistance.
How dare you say anything about my decision to put my child up for adoption. I did my job providing my child with the best environment I could. Fuck you.
I can't believe you are so myopic. A child isn't a weapon of control. How about how you manipulated him and lied to him? I was there for that too.
I hope you realize you are just a whiney little child trapped in an adult body.
You ran away because he had too many valid points you couldn't refute. You are pathetic.
You really need to stop lying about what happened on this platform. If you really "loved me" you wouldn't have me blocked across all forms of social media so that I can't talk to you. And you wouldn't insist that I have to talk to your father. He is not the hero you keep trying to make him out to be. How can either of you say that what your mother did to him was so bad, but now he is helping you do the same thing to me? If you wanted me to be part of MY DAUGHTERS life, you would put my name on the birth certificate. The only reason you are NOT putting my name on the certificate is to try to create a separation between myself and my daughter. The behavior you have displayed since before thanksgiving has been truly horrendous. How dare you attack me with your filthy lies. Telling me that you are never going to let me see my child if I don't drop my entire life and move across the country because YOU ran away is BULLSHIT. And I never said that I wouldn't move, or that I wouldn't make the effort. In fact, I told you that I would do those things, but I just can't do them YET because of my legal obligations to the estate of my deceased uncle. I told you that I would be happy to move. Obviously you don't remember the many many times we talked about wanting to move away from here. Obviously you don't remember me talking about wanting to move closer to my dad, as well. And saying that I should have already had my uncles house sold is pretty bullshit, too. I didn't get the official "personal representative of the estate" until right about the time you left. If I had tried to sell the house before having the legal authority to do so, I could have gone to jail for theft or fraud, or who knows what a judge would have tried to stick me with. And now that I am the representative of the estate, I have an obligation to the property, and houses don't sell overnight. And this is ALL stuff you knew before you ran away. I would love to visit and be there for the birth, but you have insisted that you won't even let me see her if I don't move there. I am getting really sick of your games and your attacks. Yeah, let's not forget that you treated me like shit because I was in a depression when my uncle passed away. "He's dead, just get over it". Remember that? I do, cause I couldn't believe you could say something so callous and uncaring. It wasn't me who wasn't thinking about my child, it was you who didn't think about the baby when you stole her from me. Now I have been quiet and let these attacks against me on Steemit slide, but I am tired of it. I am not going to let you continue to slander me, and tell people these disgusting lies that you have concocted. You are a liar, and a terrible person for separating an unborn child from her father, and constantly using her as a weapon against me. If you try to deny ANY of this, I WILL POST pictures PROVING everything I just said true. Now, if you would like for me to delete this comment, you know what to do. You just have to unblock me and message me like an ADULT, and stop attacking me on Steemit.
Nothing to see here, just personal matters that should never have been aired on this platform.
You all can go fuck yourselves. All you guys are nothing but selfish fucked up people. @gogogadget I never said you couldn't see your daughter. And you can all just stay the hell away from me and my daughter. Oh gogogadget you need to apologize to my father and stepmom for how you talk to them. So sometgingnifty and justinashby you are never going to be allowed to see my daughter ever. So yes you all can go to hell.
Stop attacking me on this platform. I am not ruining your account. You and your actions and behavior and lies are ruining your account. People do not like liars on this platform. I really do not want all of this negativity between us on this platform. This is a positive place, not another arena for your childish games. If you have something to say to me, you can unblock me and say it to me in texts. Unblocking me long enough tell me to "fuck myself" and then blocking me again is a really childish game, and I am sick of playing it. Stop attacking me, and act like a damn grown up. You are about to become a mother, stop acting like a spoiled little child throwing a temper tantrum because she didn't get her way.
Our personal matters DO NOT belong on steemit. If you continue to attack me here, yes, I will continue to downvote you. If you can manage to attempt to be positive and NOT ATTACK me, I may even upvote your posts. But I will not continue to let you be nasty on this positive platform that you have insisted more than once that you hate. I can post proof of that, too. If you continue this foolish behavior.