RE: Stop Running.
I really do appreciate the different perspective. It's really eye-opening. I know I can play dumb and just say that that was my perspective, but I will admit that update could've been delivered in a more precise and clear way.
I consider something done when I've subordinated it. I will admit most of my yesterday's writing even confuses me, which of course I know it shouldn't be, they are my thoughts but they weren't greatly organized. I will admit everything kinda felt out of context, which shouldn't be enough excuse for my lack of better organization.
The picture with the guy lifting weights was supposed to depict the load being easier, something more manageable. Of course, I could have managed to get a better pic to depict the same, but yeah it happened and I really appreciate your lengthy insight. My intuition kinda felt the article off, and with your questions, I now have a clear picture of what was really off.
And yeah I even did not get to show the cheerfulness, I know it's wrong to make an excuse, but yesterday my creative side was just off. I had a tight schedule during the day and I wanted to keep my promise of updates on a daily basis, but now I realize that I should just take a break when I really need one, let my ideas organize and only create an update when I have got a better and clear picture.
I did return home, and I admit the comparison of courage to food wasn't the best. The thunderstorm is really a long story, I will try sharing it with time, I'm guilty of feeling affection in the echos of the thunder.
I found peace in the storm, found solace in the chaos, the only control I had was of my reaction to my surroundings, there was nothing else that I could change no matter how much I wanted things to be different.
I did survive and yeah it is remarkable, of course there those times I wished that everything would come to a stop, I'm glad I never got lost in the feeling of everything being still, nothing to worry about.
Anyway, I deeply appreciate your constructive criticism, I mean I knew I could do better but your insights instill the point, also I know this reply is not that much detailed, but I hope it is a bit eye-opening and somehow explains my perspective in a much better way.
Oh, but no, all I wish is for you to feel the sheer pleasure of being alive. Do you not think that you can neither escape nor subordinate the weight on you, but that a beautiful and liberating act would be to reintegrate the weight? It is not because of me that you can give expression to that which makes you alive in becoming, for you you can. No organization and presentation is necessary for it. I'm talking about a practice that opens up to you anew every day, in the living encounter of everyday things. Nothing heroic, nothing special, just a spark of humour that lives in all of us, don't you think?
Good night from here. :)
I'm learning how to enjoy the feeling of being alive, so far I can't complain, it feels great, I believe that I can subordinate the weight, I have actually been doing so, but I believe it will take time, but I'm positive I will get there. It is really not great reintegrating the weight, yeah I did learn very important lessons but I don't think to carry it on is the best thing. What practice would you suggest to help with opening every day a new?
...
By re-integration I mean something other than subordination.
Let's say one of the qualities you consider to be lacking is discipline. If you imagine it as a written word on a thick stone that is very heavy and solid, and it is also tied to your leg. How do you want to conquer this stone? You cannot carry it around with you all the time, nor can you run away from it because it is tied to your leg. So what can you do so that the stone called "indiscipline" is no more? If you want to smash it, you'll see how you hurt yourself. You beat your indiscipline to kill it. Then again, you turn away and you want to ignore it.
Can you turn that stone into something that you can reintegrate? For example, the stone and its chain will become a glass of water that you drink. You are integrating a thing that fits naturally into your organism.
So the question would be: Do you only feel great when you have subordinated yourself to something, defeated it and it took a lot of effort? But where is the experience where you did not have to force yourself to discipline? What exceptions to the rule serve as a signpost for you to realize that you may be quite good at getting things done at the last minute, and that you can see in it a strength rather than a weakness?
The daily practice ... is probably to consciously experience all thoughts you have about yourself (and others). Wherever a judgment threatens to manifest itself, check whether it is even necessary to judge. ... For me personally it helps to listen to Buddhist lectures, reading. To see the daily stories I experience in the light of their potentials, which cause me less sorrow and worry than they do when I exclude these potentials.
The practice of finding my humor within daily situations I otherwise would have considered bad or difficult. Starting with the more easy things.
Hello,
A very late reply here.
So at first when I read the reply it did not make total sense. It has actually taken me some time to fully comprehend the message that you were trying to send across.
Also with attending classes and working to meet project deadlines, time seems to fly and hence the late reply.
I did read your recent article on THE ART OF HONEST SWINDLING and from there things started making more sense, coming back to your reply and it was a light bulb just went off in my brain and suddenly everything was clear. I really connected with the writing, It was this thing that I was not sure I needed to read but after reading it, I couldn't be gladder that I did take some time to go through it and try to internalize the content.
I could now understand why you emphasized on me understanding how to reintegrate rather than to conquer.
Because in reintegrating it is the only way I can move forward towards totality otherwise in trying to conquer means I will be trying to overcome that which I am supposed not to conquer but use to the betterment of me.
I have tried running away from situations and not trying to figure them out and experience has taught me that even though it may be a solution in the short-term in the long-term it only causes more pain. The pain I would have not have gone through if I stood my ground and faced whatever the situation was.
I need to be more conscious and definitely learn how to reintegrate rather than running away or thinking that conquering is the only time that I have overcome. My childhood may not have been the best, I never really thought that the things that were happening to me then would have any effect on my well being in the future, but I now understand that mental well-being matters a lot, acting like those things never happened means I'll still be in denial, because how can I integrate that which I don't acknowledge of its existence? But with insights from people really selfless like you, I know that tomorrow will be brighter than the past.
I'm also trying to explore and learn more about my shadow, but I know that it will require effort and patience, but I believe it will all come good at the end. I believe it is of importance because I definitely have had those situations that I do things without even knowing why I'm doing the things, and it happens when I least expect it. I see no point other than to learn all I can and work towards reintegration with the aim of achieving individuality in the end.
I really do appreciate you taking your time to offer your counsel, not many are that selfless, and from the deepest part of my heart, thank you.
Oh, i am very glad to hear that answer. Thank you very much. Knowing yourself and getting to know why some things seem so difficult is a challenging task in life. Thank you for your formulation regarding the integration of the shadow and for sharing your insight here. This is certainly as valuable to me as it is to you and possible other readers. I send you best wishes!