I Am Thinking Of You

It was the most random dream. The next thing I knew, I was in your car, on the passenger seat, stunned at the sight of you driving while happily talking to me as if time and distance didn't tear us apart.

I gave you a kiss. You were delighted. It was both bitter and sweet because I missed you, and weirdly enough, I know it wasn't all true. I was just staring at you the whole time, badly wanting to hold your hand and ask you how's your life after I left.

"Where are we going?", I asked to cut your ramblings that didn't make sense.
"Of course to a restaurant," you answered with childlike enthusiasm, just like the old times.

You continued telling me a million things, most of them I couldn't understand. I just saw your lips move in weird directions as if telling me puzzles I need to figure out on my own. I missed you, I whispered. You just continued telling stories while laughing hysterically, and I silently cried beside you, both happy and sad because you are in front of me yet physically million years apart, as if watching a fictional character I dearly loved and missed.

I was wearing slippers while you looked great in all black, looking dandy as ever. Few more scenes of you talking, then we're in a hotel restaurant. I was overwrought. I could pass as your assistant but you served me and made me feel the prettiest amongst the crowd.

You left me on the table, surrounded by all the judgement from people because of how I looked. I was very anxious, almost hating you again for always making me feel vulnerable. But you came back with a chocolate cake and the silliest smile plastered on your face, "I made this for you," you said while cutting the cake in two. It was my favorite. I smiled knowing how much you dreaded seeing me in slippers and baking by yourself, but you did it, and it was for me. I cried again. You didn't notice it again.

I ate. You told me you weren't really hungry but just wanted to buy me this cake I've been craving for 2 weeks straight. I hurriedly asked, "Where were you in that 2 weeks?" You told me you were trapped in a dark room by yourself. Surrounded by money you cannot use, and things you cannot touch. "How come? You should have called me."

And without a single thought, you cried in front of me. A first time. You told me you love me, sincerely and deeply. You told me you're a coward, and that you don't deserve to be by my side. I was stunned. Very out of words. You continued crying, telling me things I wanted to hear from you many moons ago.

And in a split of a second, we were back in your car. You were talking and smiling and laughing yet again. I felt like I was still trapped in the former scene. Your cry of forgiveness resonated the whole car. Until your laugh grew quieter, you voice softer.

Silence.

I woke up with palpitating heart. Questions grew stronger and I almost asked you via text message, just like the old times whenever I dream of you. Then I remember, the last time we talked, years and years ago, you told me, "I think you need space from me."

I didn't ask. You suggested.

I missed writing! Did you guys like it? Comment your thoughts down below. I'd love to hear stories about dreams of a loved one. It doesn't happen to me all the time, but yesterday was so vivid I think I can draw his face from the memory alone.

It was so bittersweet, but life goes on.

Cheers,

@olaivart