I read your story and the subject matter is good. However, to draw in the reader more, try to get deeper into the characters.

Show the reader how the girl felt, rather than telling the reader how she felt.

Margaret's heart plummeted in her chest, it felt like a physical blow and rather than how she had imagined her mother to react - a hug and, "I'm so proud of you, well done!", there was this - rejection, disappointment and resentment.