My Life's Juggling

I understand that words
Are just words
They can be taken down
I understand that feelings
Come and go by themselves
Or sometimes just fade
I understand that things
Change their course at any moment
I understand that beginnings
Are not the entire journey
So I always call them the honeymoon phase
But I'm waking up from this honeymoon phase that took a toxic twist
Into an oblivious limbo
And I remember
The words
The feelings
And the things
They couldn't be more far from where they are now

I understand that time
Heals most wounds and settles dust
I understand that forgiveness
Comes from within first
I understand that people
Can just walk away
Like they never had a nerve
I understand that relationships drift away
And apart
I understand that it's better to be able to count your true friends
Than your peers
But my heart does not change over time
I forgive and forget too fast
The two times I've walked away from people
I've regretted them so
I've gone back and let them leave me again
I like to believe it's not me
It's my heart that's so loyal
But am I loyal to myself?

Am I really there for my true people instead of trying to expand my agenda?
Making a greater and greater disorder with others and myself
It's time I sort things out
Starting with me
With being able to stand in my two feet
With gravitating towards what really calls me
And going after it even if I'm on my own
Instead of getting void distractions
Around too many people
That only leave me anxious
People call it a process
I call it my life's juggling