Live Confession... continued...
This is the continuation of the story I'm creating entitled "Live Confession..." links to previous sections located above...
I wrote earlier how my teachers seemed to know me personally (which they very well could have), and how I could fit in almost anywhere with sixth sense like abilities. There's more to it all...
As I grew older, I began to notice more and more coincidences that seemed something more than just mere coincidences... It wasn't anything big or spectacular, moreso, little nuances that made me wonder a lot...
I would often finish people's sentences, and would have my sentences finished by others. I couldn't tell if they knew what I was thinking; or if it was just that I was that damn smart that I had everyone around me mapped out, down to the very words they would be speaking...
On occassion, I would venture to inquire from my most trusted peers as to what they thought might be going on... The usual response was that I was "special" and "gifted", as far as intelligence anyways; never any concrete stuff...
One person in particular told me that I had a very expressive face, though; and that maybe I communicated my emotions a lot more than I even realized. That got me fixated on exploring eyes, at least in the sense of paying attention to my own and to others'.
Those closest around me would sometimes joke with me; telling me to "quit using my jedi mind tricks on them", or that "my voodoo bullshit wasn't going to work this time"... I always dismissed these things as witty retorts used within intense discussion, and nothing more...
Normally, I would still be able to dismiss all of these occurences as some giant, mad delusion, nothing needing confession... and I would... only there's still more...
After moving into Shogun's, the occurences intensified in frequency and strangeness. There were other housemates and after a short time, I began to suspect that they knew my thoughts as well...
At first I thought I had moved into a house of gifted, clairvoyants. Later, I thought it to be witchcraft. After several of the housemates moved out, I thought it might be the house itself; with it's energy tormenting those who resided within...
It very well could have been a combination of those and many other factors, but hypotheses of those natures are best left to be laughed at... and it still didn't explain everything I was experiencing...
Looking back on what I have written so far, I fear I still have not painted a detailed enough picture of things to fully explain why I believe something to not be quite right... I have though, given enough away to make myself seem like a brain damaged substance abuse victim...
My heart truly aches for this... and still, I know I need to continue with the confession...
For years, I struggled with the idea: that others might know my thoughts. It almost drove me to insanity...
I became aware of more of these strange happenings after some of the drugs; but once aware, it didn't matter if I was sober or fucked up...
As stated earlier, I ended up leaving Shogun's a little before my 33rd revolution... I have this whole story cooking up about that ordeal, but I'll get to that later too...
In any case, the confession... I'm almost there...
So the strange happenings, they continued to intensify; even after becoming somewhat homeless for a while after leaving Shogun's...
I struggled mightily, trying to maintain my sanity while I thought I observed such impossible things. I cycled through different states of "reality", actually living out some of the fantasies I imagined...
One moment, I thought myself delusional and irreversibly brain damaged. The next minute, I would think, how could my brain damage effect those around me? Then I would think that my psychosis could be severe enough that it might even be deluding the way I perceived reality...
It was pure madness... I even contemplated suicide once or twice...
The drugs helped a lot in my estimation, giving the means to temporarily escape... They also drove me into deeper contemplation, furthering the madness; so I'm not so sure I'm judging this coreectly...
In any case, I began reading incessantly and meditating frequently. I had always been a reader and a deep reflecter in the past, but never to this degree...
The topics I would read about increased in number and scope. One topic in particular, the pineal gland or third eye, absolutely fascinated me. It forms much of the foundation of what I believe might be going on with me today...
The pineal, in conjunction with something I read about explaining how the heart produces some kind of electromagnetic field; form the basis of my current theory... It's just a theory of course, and is most likely bound to change once I learn more...
Other outrageous theories I have considered include: a curse through voodoo or witchcraft, a blessing from the heavens, a cruel reality television show/prank, secret government psy-ops, genetic mutation, alien abduction, extra terrestrial origins and even being the rebirth of christ!?
I know that that last one sounds the most ludicrous of all, but I had my reasons. It ties in rather nicely to the mdma topic I wanted to get to as well, so I think I'll get to that part now...
...to be continued...
GIF courtesy of giphy.com...
Heart article courtesy of duck duck go search... I couldn't find the original article I remembered, but this one did the trick...
Third eye reading came from various books I've come across, and should be done on your own and at your own risk...
Anyways, Peace
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