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MEMORY # 2

The mist came, the mist went away.

We were there, the two of us, Mommy and I. Hand in hand. She was very big and I was very small. The pit was very deep. I wanted to ask her why we were there, but she cried all day and I knew my little question would make her cry more. I looked around. There were other people around me. They were all big. I was the only child; they were all taking an interest in my well-being. I looked at the pit. Why had they dug a hole here? The people were next to the soldiers. Daddy was a soldier too, I knew it. Maybe these people were his friends.

It could be.

Some of them looked at me. Those whose glances I caught turned away from me quickly. They whispered among themselves. One of them pointed at me, but he hurried to hide the movement when I caught him looking. I looked up at Mommy. She was still crying, still blowing her nose every now and then. I let go of her hand. I approached the edge of the pit, looking in. Why did they dig such a big hole here? And if so, where were the bucket and shovel? Because I wanted to play too.

But I was sad.

I waited for Daddy. I hadn’t seen him for a long time. I wanted to see him. All of a sudden, all the adults looked at me. Suddenly I grew cold. Suddenly it became quiet. Some of the men had rifles. They aimed them up into the air and fired. They were soldiers. Daddy was a soldier too, I knew it, but he wasn't with them. I felt like something bad was going to happen.

The mist came, the mist went away.

THE PUB

We arrived at the pub at night.

No, the sun didn't go down. It was night because, at that particular place, it was just night. At the same place, always night. And it was always a wonderful night, smelling good, starry. With bats flying among the dark treetops, a comet blazing in the sky, and an amazing orange moon, impossibly huge.

The pub was situated inside a large cave carved into a low mountain. Over the entrance was a big holo-sign, medieval style, showing a leprechaun dressed in green and drinking beer, sitting on a golden barrel. Every now and then a rainbow appeared out of the barrel and reached for the sky, flickered twice, and disappeared.

The entrance was through classic pub doors, swinging on hinges. The scent of alcohol and cigarette smoke wafted out, accompanied by typical pub music. I thought I recognized an old classic of 1D. Or was it U2? I could never really differentiate between the two.

"Are you coming?" Jackie asked after noticing I was lingering behind.

I came.

The music was substantially louder once we were inside. It was hard to hear each other, the smoke made it hard to see, and it was quite crowded.

Not that I was suffering. This was still Heaven, after all, and cigarettes were apparently acceptable here. They had an amazing aroma and caused zero damage. The music was high quality, and almost seemed as if it was coming right out of your head. In a way, it sort of was. As for the crowdedness… it made it so that I was constantly touched. Pleasant touches, accompanied by inviting smiles, with minimal clothing.

Jackie grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. We found a vacant table at the end of the bar and, within seconds, a smiling waitress was standing next to us. What does a waitress do in Heaven? Takes orders, of course. Guinness for José, Bushmills for Jackie, and for me…. Honestly, I didn’t know what to order. I couldn't remember what I liked.

"Give him a Bushmills, too," Jackie instructed the waitress, who eyed me carefully before she left.

-"Bushmills. How long has it been since they stopped making it?"

-"In Heaven it exists. Pretty much all European drinks still exist. Italian wines, Scots whiskey..."

-"Nostalgic. So how's the taste?"

-"Like the pineapple. It might be called by the same name as it is downstairs, maybe the taste is even a little reminiscent, but that’s where the similarities end. It’s so much better!"

"Okay, so what is this place?" I demanded to know after the waitress had left.

"The Leprechaun," José answered. "One of the best pubs."

"Why are there pubs in Heaven?"

They exchanged glances again, each hinting at the other to start first. "You explain it, lollipop. He’ll understand more quickly," José urged his wife. She nodded, sighed, and focused her attention on me.

I felt myself starting to get excited. Her eyes were big and clear, her cheekbones were well defined. And I noticed that she, in her cheetah way, was very beautiful. She smiled and everything became much more pleasant. Above all, she was about to tell me something I didn't know. Something important.

"You don't remember anything from when you were alive?"

"Nothing. I told you. Not even one little detail."

"And what about the world? What happened in Europe? The Caliphate?"

I took a moment to think. Yes, I knew what was going on in the world. I knew Europe was a ridge of ruins, I knew about the Caliphate and the new Jihad, I knew about Japan, and I knew about Russia and China. I also knew about what was going on in the United States of America, about the wave of Christian refugees, about the Newborn. I nodded my head.

That satisfied her. She took a deep breath, started to say something, paused, then started again.

"Okay, look. You’re not in Heaven. I mean, not the fairy-tale Heaven, or religious Heaven. It's -"

"That's U2," I interrupted her, completely surprised I was able to recognize the band.

"What?"

"This is an old U2 song, am I right?"

She nodded her head. But I was very excited.

"How do I know it's U2? I’m not supposed to know anything! Maybe my memory’s coming back to me?"

"Maybe… but I don't think that's the reason…"

"What do you mean, no? It’s a well-known fact that music brings back memories. And I obviously love U2, or else how would I know it was U2? They’re an Irish rock band! One of the most successful ever, active at the end of the twentieth century and two decades be…"

My voice died.

Deep inside I realized that wasn’t how a real person who loves a rock band would speak. It sounded exactly like…

"Pedia," Jackie said. "That is information from the Pedia. The info’s built into the system here. It has nothing to do with your personal memories."

I kept quiet. Took another sip of my Bushmills (a blended Irish whiskey brand, made continuously since 1608 using the same methods and recipes), and then I stayed silent for a little longer.

"What system are you talking about?" I asked quietly.

"Heaven," she replied, also quietly. "It's not the Heaven you thought. It's…"

"It's digital." I suddenly knew. "It's not real. An illusion."

"It's not an illusion, it's not. It’s completely real for us."

"You're not real either. You only exist in my imagination."

A wave of cold sweat took over my body. Suddenly, I felt all was lost. I was sure I’d had an accident. Yes, yes. I was probably somewhere in a hospital, unconscious. Perhaps there was a whole team of doctors trying to resuscitate me. Perhaps I was just thrown onto the side of the road and was waiting to die. Perhaps I was a captive of the Caliphate and they were experimenting on me. Maybe -

"You're wrong." José interrupted my morbid thoughts. "This is not in your imagination and it is completely real."

Jackie nodded and they kissed, which made me even more upset. "But it's not real," I insisted. "You’re a computer program! You're just... a digital recording of a brain!"

"And what are you?" he shot back. "You feel real to yourself?"

-"It doesn't change the feeling completely, when you know you're not real."

-"But I am real."

-"No, you're not."

-"Let's not argue about it now. I felt completely real. I still feel like that."

"You think, therefore you exist," said some ancient philosopher I refused to check on the Pedia. There was no doubt I existed. From the moment I rose to Heaven I was packed with thoughts, opinions, sensations, emotions. Yes, emotions.

"Emotions are thoughts, too," said Jackie, and woke me up completely.

"But I didn’t say that out loud," I said in a loud, bitter voice.

They looked at each other again, as if they were two heads of a frustrated dragon.

"Don’t pretend you don't know what I’m talking about. This trash has happened a few times. I thought of something and you answered my thoughts directly. The conclusion is obvious: You are not real. I’m dreaming you. I must be lying somewhere, unconscious, and this whole thing is - ouch!"

Jackie pinched my nipple. Pinched so hard I thought it was going to fall off.

"That doesn't mean anything," I blurted out, rubbing the sore spot. "So I dreamed you pinched me. In dreams, unexpected things happen."

"The man in the cave." José chuckled. I knew it was another philosophical reference and I refused to check it. Ignorance suddenly looked like a pretty good shelter. Especially since this pub was carved into a cave, which didn't seem like a coincidence at that moment. "Listen, hmm…. I don't know what to call you. Dude. Noob. Although you should be at least ninety."

I tried to interrupt, but he raised his hand and silenced me. His eyes were angry.

"The reason we can read your mind is that the system understands them as part of our conversation. We’re in Heaven, for Heaven's sake. Like you said, we don't really have bodies and we don't really talk, or drink the best trashing Bushmills ever made!"

He paused for a breath and then continued, "When you think you’re talking, you aren't really talking. You're just moving some quantums from side to side in your core code. When you think you’re thinking, the same thing happens. I don’t even know what parts you’re thinking about and what parts you’re saying out loud. To me it all sounds out loud, understand?"

-"I needed another bottle."

-"And did you get one?"

-"Sure. It's Heaven."

Heaven or not, the whiskey had the same influence here. When we left The Leprechaun, the air continued to be sweet and chilly, the night continued to be perfect and dark, and the moon continued to capture hearts. I was drunk and the world spun around me nicely. I sat on the grass and they looked at me, worried.

"Are you really dead?" I asked Jackie.

"José died from lung cancer in 2111. Luckily, we were rich enough to fund his ascent to Heaven. We sold our houses, everything. The kids helped too. It wasn't a process that could be come by easily back in those days, and it didn't always work. But José survived the process and came up here. After a couple of years he convinced me to join him, even though I was healthy."

José smiled. "It wasn't easy. She's a stubborn one, as you've noticed."

"How did you convince her, really? You were here and she was down there. Still alive."

"It's different from a regular death," Jackie answered for him. "I was already ninety and so many friends were dying around me. Permanent death. Like the old days. But José… it was like he had just left on a trip. We talked every day. Sometimes a few times a day. I didn't feel like others around me felt. And he constantly mind-trashed me on how good it was here and that I should come to him."

"What baloney!" José interjected. "It was you who wanted to come, after you saw I was young and beautiful again."

"Well, what did you expect? How could I have stayed old, when you were jumping around like a young goat, the same age as our grandchildren?"

They blew each other a kiss in the air. I rolled my eyes.

"But how did you talk? I mean specifically how. He was here and you were… there."

"Bounce back from your whiskey. We'll show you."

-"Twenty minutes later we beamed together to the Plain of Souls."

-"The what?"

-"The Plain of Souls. Where I’m at right now."

The Plain of Souls was completely different from the forest and the cave. It was a desert, utterly flat and in a permanent state of twilight, with crimson skies and occasional lightning. ("This is what it's always like here," said Jackie.) Thunder rumbled in the distance, supplying a steady soundtrack. The noise did not disrupt the chatter, but sent out a creepy vibe through the whole area. A combination between a horror holo and a visit to a holy place.

And there were souls there. Thousands of them, all glowing white.

"It’s just the light coming from downstairs that makes them look white," José explained when we passed next to one of them. It was a rather short man, perhaps six feet, with Asian features. He was absorbed in looking down into the ground, occasionally mumbling something while lightly gesturing with his hands.

I tried to go near him, but José put a furry hand on my chest. "That's rude," he said. "He’s probably talking to his children or someone else down there."

"We’ll show you," said Jackie when she saw my brows furrow. "Here - an unoccupied well."

We were standing next to something that resembled an ancient well, a circle of charred red bricks, a little over four feet in diameter, around a dark hole in the ground. I leaned over, trying to see how deep it went, but it was too dark.

"Now, watch." Jackie smiled and the well lit up.

The light almost hurt my eyes. White, bright, solid. "I hope someone’s home," she said. "This is an unplanned visit. Let's hope someone answers." It took a few seconds, but someone did answer. The holo showed a young man, overly tattooed, with a band of piercings on his face and a shiny bald head, dyed purple. He looked up at us.

"Hey, Grandpa, Grandma," he said in a hoarse voice. "Long time…"

"I know, Earl. That's how it is here, you lose track of time. How's everything? Did that test work out?"

"Which one? The one from two years ago?"

"Ah… yes."

"Actually, I failed, but it doesn't matter. I’m not counting much on the degree. Who's that guy next to you? He looks like coal."

The purple, tattooed guy looked straight at me and suddenly, for the first time since I had come up to Heaven, I felt naked. In a negative way. Suddenly I realized I, too, probably had grandchildren somewhere on Earth… downstairs. And if not grandchildren, then at least children, still living down there. Maybe they were looking for me? Perhaps they were waiting for a sign of life from me?

I felt guilty. Jackie and José had been dead for over sixty years, but had never really left their family. They kept in touch, they took an interest, and they were still alive… in a way.

What about my children? I had only been dead for a few days, that's all. They were probably expecting me to call. To let them know. Maybe they were worried sick down there. It was probably not a cheap process, getting up to Heaven. Not everyone could. Probably only very wealthy, or very important, people could go where I had inexplicably arrived. So my children were waiting for me. Probably worried. Perhaps even mad. Maybe they would sue the system? And if they sued, what would happen to me here?

One thing was certain. I had to find out who I was—and fast.

"That's our friend," Jackie answered and looked at me for a moment. "He’s new here. His name is… his name is Black."

"Because of his color? Come on."

"He chose the color, we picked the name."

"Good for him, at least he died in time."

"What do you mean?"

"I can tell you haven't visited in years. And why would you, really? I’m referring to the Caliphate fanatics and the trashing Newborn."

-"Talk about detachment!"

-"Yeah, after you go up to Heaven, there isn't always a reason to keep in touch with those downstairs."

-"But… I thought that was the main reason to go up to Heaven."

-"Maybe. But when you're actually here, things look different."

-"How strange."

-"When you're here, it's not that unusual."

-"So… it was the first time you heard about the Newborn?"

"It’s because of those lunatics you should finish your degree. The world needs talented Bionaotics."

"Hmm, yes." Earl hesitated and then looked up courageously, his head held high. "I thought about enlisting."

Jackie stomped her foot on the ground. It was clear to me this was a sensitive subject. José just turned around and moved out of sight, mumbling curses at the ground. I had no doubt there were some juicy words in there, but all I heard was, "Trash, trash, trash-trash."

"Don't you understand?" Jackie eventually said. "Those who enlist could simply die! There's no supervision! How will you get to Heaven that way?"

"There are more important things than eternal life."

"Oh, don't talk nonsense. We worked a lot of years to have money for the whole family to come here. I won’t permit you to enlist."

Now it was Earl's turn to get frustrated. He raised his hands up and smacked them down on his waist, huffing angrily. The piercings covering his face clattered. After ten seconds, he was finally able to answer.

"Someone has to look out for you two, you know. Your eternal life won't be very long, otherwise."

José heard this and hurried back into the well's line of sight, pushing Jackie aside.

"This place is supposed to be protected!" He jabbed his finger in the air in his rage.

"And Europe was supposed to stay Christian!" yelled Earl.

The words echoed in the air for a few seconds, eventually fading into silence. Jackie and José didn't know how to answer him. After a few more seconds of silence, Earl's gaze softened.

"Listen." He tried to reason with them. "You know that just last week there was a rough battle at the entrance of the compound?"

"We heard nothing about it. Someone must have accidentally fired a shot. These incidents have been happening for decades."

"This time it's different. The Newborn are a lot more organized today. They mean business."

José did not look like someone who believed his grandson's words, but something in his body language changed nevertheless. His hands dropped to his sides. His fists clenched.

"So the terrorists won?" he asked in a quivering voice.

"If they’d won, we wouldn't be talking today -"

"So, you see?" José interrupted, but Earl raised his voice and stubbornly continued his sentence.

"- But they managed to booby-trap one of the supply trucks, and after it blew up they came in helicopters…"

"Helicopters? Where did they get helicopters from?"

I heard concern in José's voice. His cheetah forehead wrinkled a little. He scratched his head. I had questions, many questions, but I felt it was better that I stand aside, be quiet, and listen. Especially to Earl, who seemed a lot more connected to reality.

"They're military surplus. There are rumors about a wave of desertion…"

"Now you're just talking nonsense! We’ve heard nothing about it."

"Because you two are deaf! Now I guess you’re going to tell me you haven't heard about the battles in Boulder."

"What battles?"

Earl's eyes widened in disbelief. He turned around, trying to find the words. His face was soon flushed a deep crimson.

"You guys are just unreal. You haven't heard? The Newborn have carried out assaults on a few of the neighborhoods where Heaven's workers live. There were dozens killed! I could hear the shots from my balcony!"

José turned a questioning gaze toward Jackie. She shrugged and shook her head. She didn't know anything about it either.

"Can I ask a question?" I interrupted carefully.

Earl looked at me, then back to Jackie. She nodded. "He's okay," she said.

"Ask away."

"Who are the Newborn?"

José burst out with a sad laugh. Jackie's jaw dropped. Earl raised his purple brows.

"Are you for real?"

Once again, I felt like the new guy at the party, who doesn't understand what the conversation is about and what exactly everyone is laughing at. And when that happens to you, as you know, they're probably laughing at you. I had no choice but to speak the truth.

"I’m sorry. I’m just new here, and nothing about the Newborn exists in the Pedia."

José stopped laughing. His eyes focused on a point in the distance, as if he was trying to think of something but couldn’t.

"He's right. There's nothing about them in the Pedia." He turned to Jackie. "Can you find anything?"

"Nothing," she said.

"Perhaps a malfunction?"

Jackie returned a sad smile and shook her head. "No."

"Now it makes sense why you haven't heard," said Earl. "They don't want you to know what’s really happening."

"So what is really happening?" I brought his attention back to me. "Who the trash are the Newborn?"

"Basically, they're religious men who object to Heaven," Earl explained, after letting out an impatient huff. "They think the whole idea is blasphemy."

"Lousy terrorists," José barked out in fury and kicked at a pebble nearby. "A negligible minority, nothing to fear."

"They're not so negligible anymore, Grandpa. I told you, just last week they -"

"Yeah, yeah, I heard. That's bullshit."

Earl shrugged, understanding there was no point in adding anything more. I personally had many more questions, but it was not my conversation. And he changed the subject.

"Say, are Mom and Dad around?"

"No," said Jackie. "I haven't seen them in months. I think he’s still on his journey to Moria and she's working on some ecological project."

"Alright… tell them to contact me. I miss them, and the little guys want to see them, too."

"We’ll let them know. Bye for now, Earl."

"Bye," he said, and the well darkened.

-"A difficult conversation."

-"Yes. If there was a moment when I finally understood where I really was, it was then."

-"Welcome to reality."

-"I'd rather not. And there was something else. For the first time since I had gotten to Heaven, I thought not just of myself, but of the world I’d left behind."

-"That's exciting."

-"And then I went back to thinking about myself."

"Are your children still alive? Or are they here too?"

I asked that after we had moved away a little. We were still on the Plain of Souls. I wanted to get the feel of the place a little, to experience it. That's not something you can do if you just beam out. So we walked, even though the Johnsons—that was their last name, apparently—grumbled a little.

"Our daughter, Elvira," Jackie explained. "And her idiot husband."

"He's not such an idiot, my stevia."

"He is, and stop defending him. Only an idiot spends that much time in Moria instead of doing useful things like our Elvira."

"I don't know," José continued. "Sometimes a man needs to just go and clear his mind. Besides, you have to admit, it's pretty fun, with all the orcs and the -"

"And the what?" I interrupted. "What orcs, exactly?"

I was shocked. I had not yet processed the whole Newborn thing and now this. Who were the orcs anyway? Another religious faction I didn’t know about?

"The orcs of Moria," he answered patiently. "What other orcs would there be?"

They exchanged another look. I was getting tired of being the one who didn’t know anything about what was going on around him. For a moment I wanted to connect to the Pedia, but didn't; I wasn't feeling comfortable enough to do that yet. I wanted them to tell me. I wanted someone human—more or less— to explain all this nonsense to me.

"You know Tolkien?"

I did.

"Well, they brought his world to Heaven. Middle-earth. Moria is the place where the dwarfs lived, but then they had a disaster and -"

"I know what Moria is," I interrupted. "And you can visit there?"

"You can live there, too. In fact, there are quite a few people who just live there. Dreamers, we call them. It's a very popular place."

I promised myself that I would do go there at some point.

"Are there other places like that in Heaven?"

Jackie smiled. "Yes. But tell me, aren't you tired?"

I yawned.