Hollé is normal that fear is present in you, and that issue which you were dealing with helper, is a very sensitive issue because sexual evolution is something that includes us all, and on the other hand as you say yourself from small we are taught in our teaching the meaning of the feelings or rather we ourselves realize when they are presented, you have to think that yours with helper is something strange but true and above all it is something that you decided to do and you have to keep going . And a tip for the next do not fall asleep hehehe.