Beginnings

Beginnings

A Steemit Original

Written Exclusively By

@imaginedragon

I have always loved beginnings; the beginnings of school, new jobs, vacations, relationships. I was never very good at middles and ends. The middles of things are boring, as most of the time it becomes repetitive. The ending of things is either a relief or very sad and depressing. I am a beginning type of person. That is why I have had a lot of beginnings.

I loved the first days of school, everything was brand new. The books were new, the desk was new, the teacher, the room, my locker; who was in my class. However, after about a week I was bored as I knew it all; they were not firsts anymore. Then I would start dreaming of the new school year, the new beginning; how would it be different. At my first job; as a cashier at a department store; it was so exciting meeting everyone, learning how to work the register, to handle the customers. That beginning got boring on day two. I left that job after 3 weeks and found a new beginning. I changed jobs a lot in high school.

I read Cinderella a million times, when I was a little girl. I loved how she met Prince Charming at the ball, they danced for hours, and then she ran away. I knew at 8 the “Happy Ever After” was a complete lie; my parent’s marriage, my Aunt’s marriage, my Grandparents. If fighting all day; everyday, hurting each other just to do it; with no regard to the consequences on anyone, is happily ever after; I’ll pass. Plus the not having any money, crap job, and just being lonely and angry 24/7 is not the life I wanted. I went to college at 17 and literally walked out the door and never looked back.

When I went to college, it was so many firsts. First time living on my own, first classes, first boyfriend, meeting new friends, and meeting people from other countries. During this time; I realized; that college was great, new classes and professors every 14 weeks, summers off to explore, and new guys around every corner. I really loved college. The only problem was it didn’t last, four years flew by and now I had to go back to work. I got my first job very quickly and quit it just as fast. The beginning was horrible.

It took me three years to find a job I could live with. Can you guess what it was? I became a professor at my Alma mater. It was just like being a student; it was a new beginning every 14 weeks. I was also getting my Doctorate in Psychology so I got two beginnings every 14 weeks. I taught one class to help pay my tuition. It was great, two beginnings. Hi, I am Stacy Libawicks and I am a beginning addict; nice to meet you.

The best beginnings and easiest, were romantic ones. You meet someone and have the awesome encounter. You know the meeting of someone that stops you dead; to daydream about. The memory you spend hours reliving just to feel all the feelings again. The times you wish would repeat again and again. Well for me they did; either in my daydreams or with another guy.

I have had several beginnings and they usually end the same day. I usually don’t exchange numbers, because I don’t want the middle or a second date and I despise endings. Relationships can’t have a forever beginning; so why bother? I just have the beginning over and over. My beginnings of meeting men are usually at a bar, you awkwardly bump into them or they sit next to you, or ask you to dance and you start staring, talking, flirting and you talk for a few minutes or hours, you kiss, have sex and that’s it, over.

Once they introduce themselves or I do, then the nerves start. You are nervous that you are talking like an idiot. That there is something in your teeth or on your face, then you worry you are sounding dumb. Then you get the butterflies when you know he’s interested; then comes the moment he goes in for a kiss and your skin gets really warm, you feel his breath on your neck or cheek, then his lips brush yours and your spine tingles in the anticipation and then your lips touch and you kiss. Kissing is wonderful all on its own, but the sex, is really what we both are looking for. What’s the sense in going through all the steps if you can’t get an orgasm out of it?

Hands start wondering, your clothes start coming off, and he kisses your breast, your neck, his hand on your butt. You are kissing him on his chest, neck, your hands undo his pants and his removes your underwear, you both undress, your skin is sensitive to every touch. Your bodies are so warm and for a brief moment there is an unwavering connection. In that moment in time you are the only two people and all you want is to be happy and reach the same goal, orgasm. If they are good I do.

I relive the feelings, the motions, the connection over and over; some more than others and some not at all. The dreams always seem better than the actual event. I have met men at dances, bars, restaurants, class, on the bus, walking down the street, the hallway of my apartment building. That beginning caused me to have the new beginning of moving; which really sucked because I loved that apartment. It had the most beautiful sunsets, it was different every day.

As the years went on, I graduated with my Doctorate. I started teaching at my Alma Mater full time as a psychology professor. The beginnings continued with men, traveling, and buying a house. One day I looked around and 10 years had passed since I graduated and so many beginnings had come and gone. I remember the best ones and completely forgot the awful ones. The awful ones were like; when your plane is delayed or cancelled, you are stuck in foreign airport for two extra days, the cab doesn’t take you to the right hotel, you lose your luggage, or passport. That delayed me in Tokyo for 3 weeks and still wasn’t as bad as my worse beginning.

Sex beginnings seem to be easier to forget. I believe it is the less stress of it. It doesn’t take you 3 weeks to walk away. You are not stuck sleeping in a dirty airport or crappie hotel room because of a man you just met. When you have a new beginning with a man and it goes wrong, you walk away and go about your own life. Your life doesn’t stop. For me I forget, before I get to the next place. I remember one time I was talking to this gorgeous man, who was built, had the six pack and all. I met him at my gym and the conversation was going well, flirting was starting, and I went to take a drink of water and missed my mouth. It was a good laugh but I walked away. I could only imagine how stupid I looked and from that point on, I would have only been thinking of that. The beginning was ruined.

Another time, I met a man it was perfect, perfect meeting by bumping into each other on the street, he was lost, I helped him get to where he needed to go, we talked, laughed the whole way. When we got to his destination he was already late, so he suggested being even later and we started having sex in the bathroom. I had just had Indian food for lunch and… well…. I farted. It just came out. I don’t think he cared or even noticed; but moment ruined; I was out of there. If it ruins the playback later it’s just better to leave it. I laughed that day all the way back to work.

My friend Beth says; “You will meet the perfect man, with the perfect beginning, that you will not be able to forget him and he will make you want the middle.” I laughed and I always answer I love my life. All the feelings you miss and talk about wishing you could have again; I have on a daily basis. I don’t go home to the boring life of repetition. I get to have butterflies in my stomach, getting all warm, flirting, and enjoying a new touch, having a first kiss over and over again. I get to see the look in their eyes when they are nervous and can’t wait to kiss me, when all they want to do it jump me and have passionate sex or just have a great fuck. You know the perfect fuck, where they grab you kiss you so intensely it hurts slightly, grab your hair, lift you up quickly to get inside of you as fast as they can. They just have to have you in that minute, they can’t wait any longer.

The ones I love the most are when they want you again right there, they want you to wait, kiss and go again. That is the best because it is always slightly different. The second time is sweet, sweet kisses where your lips barely touch, your tongues play tag and slowly touch and then turn passionate when they just graze each other. The sex is calmer and there is more touching and caressing; there is kissing all over your body. It is two different beginnings in one encounter. Then you leave and you are off to do it all over again; new beginnings, new butterflies, new people, new places, and brand new first kiss or the prospect of a new one. Your nerves at full throttle when the kissing and hands are moving all over each other’s bodies, the vigorous removal of clothing, knowing you can’t get them off fast enough, the moment it begins, the difference in each movement from the one before, the moment you orgasm and the warmth floods your body and you shiver all over. Who would ever want that to end? Not me.

One morning, I was running late for a staff meeting at work, we were discussing changing the focus of the lectures and I was in charge of the pastries. I forgot and had to run back to the bakery by my house. Instead of taking a cab, I decided taking the subway would be much faster and easier. I entered the car and like always it was packed. I walked up and down the car looking for the best seat. I didn’t want to sit next to someone who smelled because I really wanted to eat the pastry I got for myself and I didn’t want to lose my appetite. It was a choice between two men, no, that was not on purpose, it literally was the only two seats available; now on with my story.

Both of them did not smell, both were nice looking, but one was better built and more my age. I sat next to him. I turned on my phone to listen to music. I heard the song he was listening too. I asked him who was the artist and the name of the song; no I was not trying to start a new beginning. I really could not miss my meeting. I had heard the song before and I really liked it but I didn’t know the name or who it was who performed it. He was very nice and answered my question. Then he asked if I had heard their other song, which he felt was much better. I said no and he put it on and he gave me one of his ear buds. We listened to the song and I said; “thank you, I love it.” We began talking and I have to say in all my experience it was the best conversation I had ever had with anyone. We laughed and talked for over 40 minutes. We were both going to the same street and we walked together. His building was first; from the subway entrance; we talked for a few more minutes. When I went to leave; I kept saying goodbye, hoping he would kiss me or try too. I did not know if he wanted too, which is very weird. After saying my 10th goodbye, I turned and walked away. As, I went to walk away, he called me back and asked for my number. I instantly gave it to him and before I walked four buildings away he texted me his and asked me out to dinner.

That night he picked me up for dinner. He was in an awesome blue suit and I had on a white dress. We were going to a very expensive restaurant in the city. As we walked to the elevator the butterflies in my stomach were so intense; I thought I would trip or do something equally stupid. I have never been this nervous or this excited going on a date. We talked endlessly on the car ride and when we arrived he opened my car door and helped me out. When we walked up to the restaurant he opened my door and pulled out my chair. I have never felt this special before. The whole night he made sure I knew I was all he was thinking about.

The dinner was wonderful and we talked, laughed, and closed the restaurant. I believe we both did not want the night to end. Damian walked me back to my apartment. Once there, I asked him up and he declined. He said; “I never stay the night on a first date.” My brain was like; I never not. I asked; “How about a kiss?” He smiled and leaned in lightly brushed my lips; before he kissed me so sweetly. The kiss ran shivers up and down my spine, I literally almost had an orgasm right there. My brain was going crazy and I was trying so hard not to freak out and jump him. I motioned again, to go inside and he stopped kissing me, put his forehead on mine and said; “Not on the first date, that’s not how I work. Breakfast, I’ll pick you up at 9?” My brain was still going mad, that I nodded and said yes. We kissed one more time, my brain turned to jelly and we said good night. I walked into my house after watching him get in a taxi. “What the fuck was that?”

Damien picked me up at 8 and it was a wonderful day, the sun was shining, it was Spring. We went to breakfast in a café set off the street. We ate outside and enjoyed the day. During breakfast he asked me if I would like to spend the day with him, without hesitation, I said yes. I actually almost screamed it. We went to the park and we walked around looking at the plants and flowers. Damian is a botanist and showed me that day the love he has for botany. Gardening is a hobby of mine and something I love. It was nice to know we had this in common; even though mine was nowhere near his level. As we followed the path and came around the bend I saw an open field with a blanket spread out. Damian placed his hand on the small of my back and guided me to the blanket. He had planned a picnic in the park. It was so beautiful and let me just say I became a goose bump girl in that moment. I was hooked. After the wonderful park we went to dinner. I realized at dinner, I had spent the whole day with a man and there was no sex.

The day ended with kissing and brain mush, but NO fucking sex. He said,”When I really like someone I want our first time to be when we are in a relationship and I give her my heart. Sex is a very special, beautiful time and not to be rushed or given lightly. I have more respect for a woman and myself.” You have never had a one night stand?” He laughed and said; “No. Have you?” “That is all I have ever had.” I proceeded to tell him of my love for beginnings and my theory. He smiled so caringly and said;”you have never been loved. When you are loved beginnings, middles and endings are all those feelings and so much more. Stability, strength, devotion, and love can bring you all the butterflies you can handle every time you kiss; from now until one dies. You have to trust and share all of those feelings with me. I’m not saying it will be butterflies and sex all the time, there will be mountains, hill, and bumps but how we care for one another during those times will make the butterflies fill our bodies.” ‘I have never seen that, so it’s hard for me to believe you.” ‘Give it a chance, what will it hurt? I do have to ask; if you do try; you have to stay faithful to me; as that will end us; permanently. I do not believe or forgive cheating.” I agreed. I had never had my brain turn to mush with kissing or sex. I could only imagine what the sex was going to do and if trying a relationship let me find out, bring it on.

We spent every day together and usually did not say good bye until almost dawn. We would stay up late talking and he would sleep on the sofa; even at his house. He believed a man shows respect to a woman by making her comfortable. We split time between his house and mine. We met each other’s friends and gained approval from all. We had almost everything in common. He was a botanist and my apartment looked like a garden. I loved human nature and he loved to people watch and tries to figure out what their lives are about. We both loved to be outdoors, no matter the weather. One difference was, he loved kids and wanted 30 and I did not see the need. I saw children as a leech sucking you dry of money; time, sleep, and I didn’t want to get fat. We were together a month and I was dying to have sex. We had kissed, been naked in bed, and did everything my wild imagination could dream, but no vaginal sex. In my mind there was no difference in jerking each other off and have vaginal sex; his views were not the same. Damian saw vaginal sex as a lifelong commitment, because it could produce a child. He believed the relationship must be able to move forward together if a child were to become involved. Abortion was murder to him and would never be an option. Did I tell you he didn’t do drugs or drink either? I was living with a freakin saint. Saint Damien, the healer of a perpetual beginner. Still no sex!

Three months later and almost at the cost of my brain; he asked me if I wanted to move in together. I could not believe I was in a relationship, in one for over four months, and that I was even remotely considering living together. Oh and let’s not forget I had not had sex in over four months and that is a record, since most days I did not go longer than 8 hours. It was a question I knew was coming and a question I really thought I would have to think about and before I even took a breath I said; “yes, what took you so long to ask?” I hugged him and thought to myself; what the fuck is wrong with you, where is Stacy?

I kept asking myself that question all through dinner. I started to worry that I only said yes to have sex. To finally get what I wanted. I got my answer that night. We were going to watch TV and he came over to the sofa and instead of lying down; he pulled me into a lying position, took my underwear off, and made love to me. I had three of the most erotic orgasms I ever had. I would like to say it was the waiting was the reason; but 5 years, a house, marriage, and a baby later; he still turns my brain and vagina to mush. Damien gives me butterflies and made the middle so much more interesting than all the beginnings.