On my good days I wonder what I can do for the world, for people around me, and in general for those in need. I usually don’t get much past the wondering stage, but hey- at least I try. On my evil days, on the other hand… I still don’t usually get very far. I really think I should try to be more motivated.

A calendar.! I think it's supposed to represent my good and bad days. Or something.

Or perhaps I shouldn’t. Considering the existence of my evil days, is a very fun thing to do, as is adding in unnecessary commas and adding words which unexpectedly change the meaning of an earlier part of that sentence. Yes, that sentence. You know which one I’m referring to, unless you don’t, in which case you’re probably wondering what on earth, or for that matter off of it, I’m talking about.

Nonetheless, there is fun to be had, and I plan to do the having.

To do the having

Wow, that was absolutely horrendous. To do the halving, perhaps? That might make more sense, though I’d still have to figure out the context, or more accurately figure it in. It could work, if only I didn’t know that that’s not what I meant.

Not that that’s ever stopped me before. Why would it, when the world just ends up so much better, or at least more entertaining, when you lie to yourself. Although perhaps you’re enough of an unwashed prune to claim that this only works for other people, you would never lie to yourself.

You’re likely dense enough to fail to see the irony.

You’re lying to yourself about lying to yourself. I might entertain us, if only you weren’t so flippin’ annoying about it. Seriously, what do you think you are, God's gift to mankind?

Probably.

Though of course you're wrong. There can only be one man who's God's gift to mankind, and I already... Wait, why can only one man be God's gift to mankind? ANd why the #$%& do I keep misspelling mankind, in so many entertaining ways? I wrote mankid, which seems to describe me fairly accurately. I wrote manking, which also seems to describe me fairly well.

Why are there so many nonextistent words which describe me so well? And it’s not just these, it seems like every other made-up word I heard was created specifically for me.

And that’s not just my narcissism acting up. Unless… no, I don’t think so. I mean, even I’m not that narcissistic.

Right?

Your know, you’re all supposed to agree with me there. You know what? Just leave. Get out of here. I don’t want to see you again.

(And yes, it probably helps that I haven’t seen you again.)

Also, I’ll probably be feeling less grouchy tomorrow, after I get some fortune cookies for a little ego stroking.
”You are a wonderful person”

”You, and only you, control what happens in your life.”

”Your lucky numbers are 3,7,52,86, and 94”

Oh wait, that last one was from the wrong side. Oh well, at least I’m feeling better now. You can all come back!

Just kidding.

-hypebole out

p.s. – For those geniuses who are still confused about whether or not I kicked you out, that was a joke. Not a very funny one, but a joke nonetheless.