Bad things and other various goings on in the asylum I like to call "my mind" because some idiot decided it was a good idea to nominate me for Comedy Open Mic Round # 39 (2 idiots actually)even though I already played so I figured I'd drag this title out
Don’t you just love it when bad things happen? No, not to you, to other people!
…
What? You expected me to provide an example? That would be a nice thing to do, so why on earth would I do it?
Ok, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, you may gaze upon this picture of a bunch of ducklings drowning in a stream.
Enjoy that? Well that’s rather annoying, I find that other peoples’ enjoyment tends to get in the way of one’s one.
Unfortunately, they survived.
Not unfortunately for them, of course, but unfortunately for me. I do, after all, enjoy when bad things happen to other people.
And had they drowned, I would have been able to bore and annoy a large number of people immensely by telling and retelling it, and then I could enjoy the bad thing that is me happening to them.
And that gives me the perfect opening to move on to my next topic - doors. Because, y’know, doors cover openings.
Well, that was a terrible segue, in fact it was such a bad segue that even a segue about segues would be a better segue, because really, segue is a rather interesting word seeing as a great many people know the word segue, in fact they even use it, they just somehow don’t know how to spell segue, to the point that even if they saw the word segue they wouldn’t know it said segue, even if they had just segued off of segues by talking about segues because they don’t know how to spell segue and they realize that I’ve written the word segue far too many times in this sentence as well as the fact that this sentence has long since become a run-on sentence, to the point that the segue about segues has segued entirely off topic, so I should probably switch to talking about doors so we can get off the topic of segues, and thereby segue off of segues, thereby making everyone who long since stopped since reading this segue and is simply waiting for another segue feel satisfied because we'll have segued off of segues and onto another segue, and will finally have fulfilled our quotient of writing segues…
Ok, I'll stop. So… doors?
Doors are rather interesting, they open up a world of possibilities. Indeed, one has to remember that much as a door keeps others out, it keeps one in. You know what they say
"If you close your door to the world, you close yourself in as much as you close the world out, and if you open your door to the world, you open the world for yourself."
Nobody actually says that – stop making up quotes.
Be quiet! I thought I told you guys not to interrupt when I'm speaking, I-
But we also want a chance to talk, we-
Oh, be quiet. We don't want to disturb the nice people, do we?
It's your fault for inviting us in by saying "we" so much
Ok, I suppose I'll just say I from now on, and keep the mic for myself.
Now where were we?
** I thought-**
Shut up!
(Ahem!) Sorry 'bout that. They sometimes get a bit out of hand, you just have to rule with a … tight fist, as it were. Is. Was. Will be. Whatever.
-hyperbole out
I'm really hoping nobody noticed that I was lazy and didn't change anything from my usual style of post for this entry
@mimismartypants and @insaneworks, thouest may consider thyselves nominated.
Hi hyperbole,
Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)
Judges:
If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here
Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
One moment... You're giving the guy who I just called an idiot a judging position? .... NOOO!!!
@dollarsandsense - Please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me...
I rode a segue once, it's both harder and easier than you would think.
Was it an interesting segue? Did it involve doors, or just revolve around them?
Heh. That last pun not intended.
You did change the style of the title, maybe some spunky influence I think. Baby steps. Unless the baby is dead then you would need to do that whole put them on your feet and pretend they can walk thing. So normal steps, that segue into baby steps. Did I use that right? It has been a week or lifetime of did I use that right.
I would be pissed if the ducks died but replace them with actual people and it just doesn't seem so bad. I suspect that the only lazy part was not finding drowning people and settling for ducks.
The title was intentional, 'twas a joke, 'twas a prank of sorts.
Oh you evil evil evil person. To go and nominate me. Who cares about the ducklings, people eat birds and treat production animals far more crueler than drowning them.
And you know what, lazyness is what makes the world go round.
Kindly run your segue into a closed door. I always say misery loves company, so when something bad happens to me, I find it satisfying when something bad happens to other people. Especially when I join them in their misery.
Eh, all you need to do is cause the bad things to happen. Heh heh...
No you didn't, your titles usually don't push the limitations of the blockchain :P
shh!!
And it's not pushing the limitations, it actually hit the limit. Meh. I didn't realize there was one, I was going to go on a monologue in the title then I hit the limit and had to rewrite a bit.
I heard the guy who invented segues drove his segue off a cliff and died.
Hello @hyperbole, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!
lol cute post dude! The rainbows and puppies are floating around in my head! Also, I can understand the frustration with being nominated! Why be pressured to be funny, it's supposed to be spontaneous! JUst like my spelling is widely unpredictable, so is my sense of humour - and mics? Only thing I do with them is drop them! Like Oh no she didn't!