Whole30 - Day 20 – Eat Monkeys, Eat!

Whole30, Day 20, Sunday 1/21/2017

This is a story about a piece of French toast. It made me think.

This is day 20 of my month of clean eating on the Whole30. A month eating none of what is generally considered to be the fun stuff: sugar, alcohol, dairy, grains and baked goods, and some other stuff. I'll write a post on Day 30 about all the benefits I've seen. For now, just know it has worked well for me, weight loss, better sleep, happy body, happy happy.

Then came the French toast, butter and maple syrup

This is not what you are thinking. If you're thinking I'm writing a confession about "cheating" on my diet, I'm not. I'm not interested in perfection. I don't expect it from myself, adorable wastrel that I am, and certainly not from others. I'm more interested in that piece of French toast.

So here's what happened

I had a great week on the Whole30, a few things tempted me, but I was a rock. The more benefits I get from this thing the easier it is to stick with it. Yesterday morning, before anyone else got up, I made eggs for my husband and me. We ate, he dashed off to a morning dental appointment, and then the rest of the house got up. Please note, I had already eaten breakfast. This was not about being hungry.

My 18 year old daughter loves to cook and loves to eat. She also loves to have people love her cooking. And since she generally cooks with most of the things I am not eating this month, my doing the Whole30 has been a little challenging for her. She and I have talked. She is trying to stop pushing me to have just a little bit of this or that. She is trying to be supportive.

Just one bite

After my husband left, my daughter made French Toast for the rest of the household, her brother and their dad who is staying with us for a while. I sat with them to drink coffee and chat. My daughter asked if I would have just one bite of the French toast. I said no thank you--giving her a maternal look in reference to our prior conversation. She looked disappointed, but let it go. I stuck to my guns for about half an hour as she proudly brought one batch of French toast to the table, then another. In the end, I had a piece of French toast, with butter and syrup, no part of which is allowed on the Whole30 plan.

It was just a piece of French toast, no one died

I'm not that worried about the French toast. What is interesting to me about this whole thing is the Why. I wasn't hungry, and I don't like sweets for breakfast much anyway. So why did I have the French toast? At 18, despite what she thinks, my daughter is still a kid and has a lot of growing up to do. Is she just wanting me to validate her choices by making the same ones myself? I'm her mom, so that throws a dancing squirrel monkey into the works here, but yes, I think that is some of what is going on here, a request for validation. The subtext is, "Eat what I am eating, or you will ruin it for me with perceived judgement or lack of validation."

But that is not the whole story

.....because full-grown folk do it to, a little pushing to get me to eat what they are eating, a little disappointment when I don't. With adults, it isn't a recurring mini-struggle as it is with my daughter. With friends, it happens just the once, the first time they find out I am not eating the fun stuff this month. At a potluck with friends or a group lunch at work, when they offer me food and I say no thank you, if they push a little and I say why I am declining, there is this little perceptible zap of disappointment from them.

I used to think the zap was just disappointment over lack of personal validation, but I think there is a social component to it too. We are primates. Primates are social. Eating is social. When you don't eat what the tribe is eating you create a little rift. Gluten free, dairy free, soy free, vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian, paleo, or Whole30, whatever diet you are rocking my friend, you are creating little rips in the social fabric. Or, at a minimum, little missed opportunities for bonding with your fellow primates.

So, what do you do? If you have special dietary requirements, whether dictated by your health, or your conscience, what do you do if your diet dictates you not eat what other people are eating? Especially when it is a choice. I don't know about you, but I think people with celiac disease or peanut allergies (both potentially lethal) are forgiven more readily and completely than those of us who are just being a pain in the ass.

I don't think anyone needs to apologize for their food choices. We should all eat what we want and thank the universe if we are lucky enough to be able to do so. But if we aren't eating what the tribe is eating, maybe reach out a little more to our fellow monkeys. Find other ways to bond. There are few social bonding rituals as deeply rooted as breaking bread together, but take it on as a personal to-do. The social fabric is worth preserving.

So, I think I had that French toast yesterday because after almost 20 days of little zaps of disappointment from the other monkeys in my barrel, I was just tired of it. I wanted to be part of the gang and bond over a shared meal. It is a basic human need to bond. My challenge is to figure out how to do that without maple syrup and butter in future.

What I ate yesterday:
Breakfast: Eggs, a piece of delicious French toast, coffee
Lunch: Berry banana bowl, almond milk
Dinner: Salad, ground beef, apple
Snack: Walnuts, almond milk

pixabay images