Hanging From My Rearview - Chapter One - Part 1

CHAPTER ONE

I awoke in a most awkward position.  Apparently, I had doubled over on myself in the middle of my living room.  The last thing I remembered was planning to commit suicide and crying out to God.  I looked to my right and there was the knife but there was no blood anywhere.  I must have passed out.  I began to hear a voice in my head.  It told me to take the next opportunity that I get.  Feeling strange about the whole situation, I no longer had any desire to commit suicide.   

I was filled with a strong urge to discover this new opportunity.  My thoughts began to race.  I can’t believe she left me like this.  She had a minor in psychology and had the nerve to tell me she thinks I’m bipolar and then breakup with me.  I thought you were supposed to care for someone when they begin acting erratic, not abandon them.  I can’t believe she lied and said she loved me.  Just another case of someone who was not actually in love but rather she was just in love with the idea of being in love.  

I pulled out my phone and was looking for someone to call.  “C’mon William think!” I said to myself.  I decided to call an old friend who lived in San Francisco, Abel Saritas.  This guy was a close friend and I thought of him like a brother.  He would most likely help me if he could.  I had gotten into my Ford Explorer and began to drive when I called him.  He answered the phone right away.  It was like he was awaiting my phone call. 

“Hello?” Abel answered. 

“What’s up brother?” I asked. 

“Nothing much, just smoking some dabs.” He replied. 

“Dabs? What are Dabs?” I asked. 

He said, “It’s like hash kind of, it’s concentrated THC that is processed from the buds.  It’s the latest way to smoke man, you have to try it.”

I was very intrigued but completely emotional.  My eyes began to tear up.  

I gave a tearful response, “Man I’m losing it out here.  My girl just left me.  My dad lost his job and said we might lose the house.  My mom is dealing with this cancer and I just got off probation.  I haven’t been drinking for like 18 months and I just realized I’m driving towards a bar.” 

Abel responded, “Man, fuck that! Don’t do it.  You need to get out of there and take a vacation.  Come stay with me.  You can sleep on my couch while we figure this out.”

I immediately replied, “Really? I have a car.  I could be out there tomorrow.”

He said, “I’m totally serious! Come out here tomorrow then.”

I accepted and told him I had to take care of some things then I would be on my way.  

I turned the Explorer around and raced back to my house and began to pack.  It was at this time that my dad was returning from a trip to visit my mom who was recovering from a follow-up surgery related to her cancer.  When he left he had said that I should round up all the valuable items in the house because it might be necessary to sell them in order to keep the house.  Later my father would claim that he never made such a statement.  

At the time, however, I was unaware of how psychotic I was acting and I suppose that it could be possible that this exchange was a hallucination.  But, it was because of the statement that he made or I hallucinated he made, that I ransacked the house trying to organize things by likeness and value.  The point I was at in this process had turned the living room into a warehouse type scenario and the best way to describe it would be like a scene from an episode of one of those reality shows about hoarding.  I had placed tables in the living room with boxes stacked tall and valuable household electronics like out dated stereo components and DVD players. 

I was completely emotional when he showed up from the airport.  Fighting through tears, I tried to explain what I was feeling, but all I could do was express that I was not all right.  I had been using this illicit substance known as “spice” in place of the marijuana that I normally smoke when I’m not on probation.  I had no idea that the side effects of it were psychosis, so I didn’t make the connection that I was experiencing a break from reality.  I truly thought God was communicating with me and I could hear him telling me, “Take the next opportunity you get.” 

I then told my dad that I was traveling to San Francisco and that I was going to try and move out there.  He told me to do what I felt I needed to do.  He was doing his best to hide his shock from what I had done in the living room.  To him it made absolutely no sense and he was sure that something was wrong psychologically but he didn’t have the heart to say anything to me about it. 

I had a nice collection of clothing at the time.  I had built my collection around the brand known as LRG or Lifted Research Group.  I had purchased many matching shoes to compliment the clothing in order to make quite a few outfits also known as a “fits.” I grabbed a suitcase and packed up my seven most recent fits I created.  I wanted to look as fresh as possible for San Fran.  At the time, I was driving a 1999 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer edition with an all leather interior.  Considering it was now 2011, the truck was in excellent condition.  The only thing it really lacked was a killer stereo system. 

I loaded up my vehicle with my suitcase and a cooler with some essentials in it.  I took a lap desk and secured it in the passenger seat and placed my laptop on it.  My vehicle had an old cassette player and I used an adapter to play the sound through the vehicle’s speakers.  This was awesome because I planned to drive the entire way to San Fran without stopping and was going to do it by myself.  This allowed me to use my computer to play movies as I was driving to help pass the time.  I had recently obtained a copy of the popular movie “Drive,” which seemed like a fitting title to watch as I traveled.  Once I got everything secured in my Explorer, I used my phone to Google Map a course from Albuquerque to San Francisco. 

(To be continued...)