The Source of Your Emotional Pain in Relationships Stems From...
Here’s what I’ve learned: the root of this feeling has nothing to do with the other person. Like, EVER.
As easy as it is to blame them for not thinking the world of you, it takes a blow to the ego to realize that even this truth is not really at the heart of your pain. It has everything to do with the habit of seeking validation and looking outside of yourself and seeking confirmation of your worthiness in others. .
Alexi Panos says it best. We all have goals because we strive for the high that we get when we reach the top of the mountain. But that feeling of wanting to be loved is available to you, right now, at the bottom of the mountain. Yep, you don’t have to wait to receive it in a couple months or five years from now or when the right person comes around. It’s a choice you make to accept your worthiness, today. And you show others how worthy you perceive yourself to be when your actions and words reflect the kind of respect & admiration you keep wishing others would show you. .
What if I told you that you could get that feeling of being loved and accepted right away? Without having to dress up, without having to put makeup on, without the gainz, without having to do something different to your hair, without losing weight, without having to know the right answer, without having to say something funny?
You don't have to earn that attention from anyone, let alone search desperately for it those who don’t appreciate your special kind of crazy.
It’s not for everyone, okay? Your crazy. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Or that you’re actually crazy. But you telling yourself that he’s the jerk for not appreciating you is an emotional cop out. And the more you keep repeating that idea to yourself, the more that same kind of situation will show up in your life.
Take it as a gentle nudge to move in another direction, toward something better.
Create that feeling of worthiness now. How? What does that look like? Redirect your energy and your attention toward the things that inspire you. Redirect your energy toward the people that already love you and lift you up. Fill up with all of that energy. Make a note of all the people and all the beautiful things in your life and take time to be consciously grateful for them. Keep riding that wave of your own momentum and in time, as a learning device, you will look back and realize how far you have come and what a difference you have made because of where you focused your energy.
Your thoughts are powerful. You cannot diminish their power, you can only choose in which direction you decide to focus your attention toward. Focus it on the good, the exciting, the people that love you. Onward and upward friends. Lessons learnt one too many a time from your girl.
Great article!
Maybe we all go through this, after all, we seek validation from our parents when we're little. But a sign of maturity is to give up this thinking. We're each responsible for our own happiness and sense of self worth. It's unrealistic to expect someone else to keep us happy and feeling good about ourselves. That's our own job. Expecting our partner to do it leads to dependancy or co-dependency, which usually puts so much stress on the relationship that it ends.
My random thoughts on your awesome topic. Thanks for posting it! :-)