Maybe one day....

Hi all, I apologize for the silence! Let's get on with the story then shall we?

The rain was coming down hard on the roof above my head, I closed my eyes and moved closer to the fire that was burning beautifully right in front of me. 

I took a deep, slow breath, letting the smell of damp grass and fresh rain; flood my lungs. When I was a child, I used to wake up in the middle of the night, simply awoken by the heavenly smell of rain. 

I opened my eyes and focused them on the flames, the glow against the walls, the popping of the wood, the way the flames danced across the wood like a beautiful ancient ceremony. 

The door slammed behind me, snapping me out of the euphoric haze I was comfortably slipping into. 

I turned around to see Mia, my roommate, putting the groceries on the counter, she pours herself a glass of wine and slouches on the floor next to me.

"Shitty day?" I mumbled, "When isn't it?" she snorted.

Neither of us said anything for a while, comfortable in our silence.

The sound of a match being lit, broke the silence, out of the corner of my eye, I could see Mia lighting a cigarette.  

"I thought you were gonna quit" I said, instantly regretting how cold it sounded. "I thought you didn't care" she responded without a hint of emotion, "Of course I care Mi, why wouldn't I?" 

We fell back into silence, less comfortable than the last time. 

I started drifting out of focus again when Mia asked what I wanted to eat, I told her I wasn't hungry but she seemed determined to cook, which I didn't mind because she was a great cook. 

I stood up and walked over to the kitchen, where a cold metal seat waited for me, I sat down and felt the chill run all the way up my spine, I shivered. 

"Did he call you again?" Mia said so suddenly that I hadn't yet focused on anything other than how cold the seat was, "Hmm?" I mumbled back.

 "Oliver, did he call you?" she asked.

"Is it that obvious?" I let out my most convincing chuckle, judging by Mia's face, it wasn't that convincing. 

"Let me guess, Aila, I love you, I miss you, I'm sorry?" she said with a hint of irritation in her voice. 

"Yeah, that's pretty accurate," I muttered, while thinking about the rest of the conversation. 

"Did he, you know, bring up the..." I cut her off before she could finish.

"No, he didn't, and I would appreciate it if you didn't either," I spewed out as I stood up, getting ready to disappear into my bedroom before I burst into tears. 

"Aila, you need to talk about her, you can't keep pretending it didn't happen" she said in a voice so gentle, I could've sworn she thought I was made of porcelain. 

"There is a time for everything, it was not her time." I said with tears burning in my eyes, "I'm going to bed" I said and before she could argue, I was in my room with the door shut. 

I felt it wash over me, the pain, the grief, the helplessness, all the things the doctors said pierced through my heart as if it was the first time I was hearing it. 

" Miss Lacey, this is not your fault"

" She was just too small"

"You couldn't save her"

I put a pillow over my mouth just in time to stop the scream that came bellowing out of the hole my unborn baby had left inside of me. All of the memories came flooding back like a tidal wave. 

TWO MONTHS EARLIER 

"Oliver, I'm craving lemon meringue, could you grab me some from the store?" I asked, barely drawing my attention away from the tv series I was watching . 

"Sure, honey, let me just finish up with this paper work and I'll head out" Olivier responded. He was running for District Attorney and work had piled up to crazy standards that not even a human that never slept could complete in time. 

 I was really starting to get to the stage where I felt like a whale in anything, 6 months into it, and I was absolutely content with the man I was starting a family with and my life seemed perfect. 

All seemed perfect until the day I was baby shopping with Mia, when my entire world shattered as my stomach seemed to flip and I almost fell over in pain, I screamed as I began to feel dizzy, like my world was spinning around and I couldn't control any of it. I look down to see the familiar scene of an unexpected  crimson surprise. I felt as if my chest had collapsed and I could barely breath. 

The next thing I remember is waking up with Oliver and Mia standing around me and the familiar smell of a hospital sunk in. Hazily, the thought of my baby darted into my head, "My, my baby" I said groggily, Oliver flinched, he didn't think I noticed but I did

 "It's okay baby, just go back to sleep, you need to rest" he said with a half smile. The panic grew within me and I started to sit up, with struggle, I started screaming for my baby, when the nurses rushed in with sedatives. 

The next thing I remember was the doctor telling me that I lost the baby. From that moment on, I have never been the same. Nor will I be. 

Thank you all for reading this rather emotional story, I again would like to remind everyone that this is purely fictional writing, I write to connect with people, in the rawest form. 

I would appreciate any comments. 

Thank you