The 3 Emotions I Felt After Quitting a Toxic Job Environment
We've all been there!
We've had a terrible day at work and all we can think about is "leave-o'clock".
We finally make it home, get a few chores finished and before you know it we find ourselves crawling into bed dreading thinking about the next day.
Maybe this is starting to sound like day to day life at your workplace?
I bet you've changed your diet, read a few books on workplace etiquette and even decided to listen to some of that prestine advice your boss mentioned in that last meeting, right? Well...I did. Do you know what eventually happened? I literally broke down and quit. If you know me well enough you may have heard one of the things I have held pride in is that I have always gracefully retreated from every job I've had nearly all of my life. I've always managed to find a way to resign without my exit turning too many heads. However, In my particular situation I found myself genuinely asking "if things were so good...when did they get so bad"? Ironically enough this kind of phrase could be heard echoing across TV sets across America on any sixty-minutes episode exposing abusive spouses. I'm sure you are wondering what led up to the final breaking point? That final point in time where two words echo through a cloud of screamed obscenities in by direction? Ongoing feelings of angst had progressed for months. A lower workplace moral and constant fear of being literally verbally beaten down I held the mistakes I had noticed myself and others around the office making as things that had sometimes literally been yelled at me like "you are working too fast..or slow down" or the likes. Which all usually boiled down to something like " Do not make any mistakes. They are not tolerated." I noticed however the mistakes that I had started making...I hadn't made since my initial training. So what had changed? & Why was all of this just now starting to have an effect on my overall performance? I usually found my co-workers to be very relaxed and outgoing people but over the past several months I've heard my co-workers being brought to tears whilst being yelled at in one-on-one meetings which no-doubt also had a deep effect on their external judgement on the workplace. I once had a customers ask " Is everything okay over there?The ladies have been awfully on edge lately?"After months of changing my work rhythm, analyzing my own attitude, looking for ways to improve, and generally "putting forth the extra effort". I found that things seemed to only get worse..the culprit I later found wasn't me at all...nor was it the toxic co-workers I had started to gain a disliking for. The problem wasn't with the job, or even the tasks within it. The problem was the environment had become toxic. Truth be told most days I woke up wishing for some sort of cataclysmic event to wipe out all roads to the city; and in short I found myself thinking that this shouldn't happen.
Here are 3 emotions I felt immediately after quitting my toxic Job Environment ( & what I learned from them)
Relief - I felt that I had somehow subconsciously made a decision which opened up other pathways to becoming a happier,healthier,more successful me.
Guilt - I felt that somehow by quitting I had let my co-workers down.. Or even worse I'd let myself down for reaching my breaking point.
Disdain - I felt worried that I would no longer be seen as a respectable person for actually leaving the company, or if I would ever be able to show my face around the people I'd worked for/with.
One of the very first things I realized on the drive home was that the decision I had just made had opened up a world of possibilities that I'd let slip by in the past. I started imagining myself feeling better and reviewing recent prospects that I had overlooked. This only solidified the reminder that everything happens for a reason. Except for those reasons we don't allow to ever happen. Overall, the sense of relief I had felt for allowing myself to make this decision shadowed the guilt I had felt.
Of course, that guilt does still shine through in feelings of regret.
I genuinely felt like I had left some of my co-workers hanging out to dry.
In today's society it is seen as some sort of badge to put up with the most pressure but if it isn't just work related pressure it shouldn't be delt with in the workplace .Whilst trying to coax me with advice a friend of mine did manage to speak some truth and that truth was this "If you do not own the company, it is not your responsibility to ensure that the other employees there are happy and taken care of".
As far as if I will ever be seen as respectable by my co-workers after leaving? ...well that isn't up to me.
I've put myself at ease with the fact that I can only control my own reactions and not the reactions of others. I've learned to take this experience as my own way of realizing that aiming to please others that do not respect you will only make yourself less respectable. I've opened my eyes to just how manipulative people can be and I can only hope that more people start paying more attention to these kinds of peoples behaviors.