When your work mates stop being mates: The Office Edition
Weeeeeell....
So, recently I quit my job at a global investment bank to join a small, local and recently established firm. I thought 'Why not?' as life was slowly seeping out of me due to stress and unpaid overtime, at the developed world's equivalent to a sweatshop. An acquaintance of mine, who I knew from a previous position and had hung out with a few times, told me about the job opening and I thought 'Okay, she likes it there and as far as I know, she's alright.'
Walked out of the interview with an offer, and accepted shortly after.
Link
Now, I should have suspected something when she referred to it as working 'under' her, when in reality we were to be on the same level, doing the same thing. But I had nothing to lose, right? HAH! I was wrong...
It turns out this person has a rather odd view on how to get along with people.
Her - 'I'm just blunt.'
My brain - 'Uhmm, yeah, that's not an excuse for being a condescending douche.'
My mouth - 'Oh, well that's good, I guess.'
I will point out that I have no issues with taking direction and learning from someone 8 years my junior, but when they try to make it out like I'm thick, constantly nitpick and instantly shut down suggestions for improvement (that make ALL the sense), I'm checking out. Not to mention when they present me with a list of things I've done that they didn't like, including for example me asking another co-worker for advice, I'm not interested anymore. I can see myself reverting to caveman speech where she is concerned.
Mhmm, yeah and ok seem like the best vocabulary to utilise, in order to keep our small team on an even keel. And it's not just me who has this opinion... which makes me feel less insane and less of a horrible person. However, I am the poor sod who has to work closest to her.
8 hours a day is a LOT of time to spend on edge.
Everyone else is nice, and I like the job. So I'll probably just grin and bear it. Maybe she'll quit in a few years. ;)
So why am I ranting about this? I just needed to. And I also wanted to fish for stories from you lot. I could use a strategy to avoid any more agitation.
Have you ever had to work closely with someone who rubbed you the wrong way? What happened?
Over and out, and TGIalmostF.
get meditative about it.
What is that person trying to teach you (and I dont mean finance)? Perhaps she is meant to train you on being more relaxed when confronted by a condescending douche. So learn to be relaxed, its better for both of you. Maybe you can even figure out how to train her on being a nicer person. By being nice whatever she says or by sying things like "You are right, I would feel more motivated if you say it like this...."
Good point of view. Perhaps she is meant to teach me patience and communication? She's not trying to be a bad person, I know that much, and maybe I can teach her something too! Thank you for the input!
I agree with that approach in most trivial situations, but work is different. If a group of people is to spend so much of their lives together, they might as well push each other to be their best. It doesn't seem like she brings the best out of you. I am in a leadership position right now, but that does not privilege me. I take great care to listen to my teammates and facilitate a discussion. When someone is acting like your boss might, I will be honest with that person about the effects of their attitude on the project. Asking others for help and sharing your thoughts are very constructive things, please don't be discouraged.
Yea all the time which is why I would love nothing more then to quit, I share these feeling upvoted.
It seems like it's not an unusual issue, I have friends who are currently experiencing conflict in the workplace too. Are you on the look-out for anything else or are you 'stuck', in lack of a better word?
Thank you for your post. I think you must find some subterfuges to minimize the impact of that behavior. For example can you imagine or provoke an event that may lead you to change to another desk?
Well, I'll still have to work with her on many tasks, but eventually there may be some room to move desks. I'll have to see what the future brings I guess! Thanks for your input!
Always ask yourself why there's an opening.