对一个共读活动的反思（Chinese and English）
最近我参加了一个共读的活动，很个性，是我看了这么多书以来第一本特别想吐槽的。这个读书活动让我有点上了贼船下不来，赶紧把任务完成，交差退出的感觉。
但是又因为这个事足够特别，完了之后会反复想，想这本书本身，想和重读同一个群里其他人写的点评文章，想这个活动组织的流程与细节，觉得越来越有意思，也总结了几点收获。
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首先更加印证了一个选书的方法，看目录，目录不喜欢的书就别看，不要浪费时间。这本书《女子幸福课》的目录我看完就觉得很水，看到书的时候感觉是一样一样的。
再有一个因素就是看出版社和版次，这本书完全没有，它其实是一个内部资料，是“清一新教育”这个机构中参加过“女子幸福课”这个课程的学员的反馈结集，所以没有经过出版社和公开市场检验，其实能披露出的信息就很有限。也让我读的时候有这种感觉，只有内部人士才懂它说的到底是什么，我一个外人只看评论怎么知道这个课到底有没有价值呢。
另外，印证了一点，装帧、封面、设计不认真的书一般质量偏差，因为不注意细节，这也是选书的一个参考的点。
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《女子幸福课》的共读活动也有很好的一面，活动的组织很严谨，晚交作业的惩罚金直接捐款慈善，简单明了，组织方也很用心。
参加读书的人大部分都是拥护这本书的观点的，我也是看到了很多其他群体对于女性角色的认识和需求。群里面已婚有孩子的女性占绝对多数，大概应该是70后较多，她们会很喜欢书籍的观点，也不会觉得书籍的编排有问题，读书笔记很多写的是自己的故事，比如与老公、孩子的互动等等或者对于孩子教育这样宏观话题的探讨。
其实刚开始听到女性主题的读书活动，我还是挺期待的，觉得这应该是一个打开视野的好机会，但看到书还是失望了，依然是女性要柔，女性就该做女性该做的事。观点就是很普通啊，可操作性不强，我妈说得比这也不差，就这还新教育呢，看着似乎学费也不便宜。
每个人的观点都是与自己所处的环境密切相关的，做更好的选择就对了。
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我写的几篇读书笔记，就都从批判性思维的角度入手的，分析了一些我觉得文章中有以偏概全、前后矛盾、没有案例解释的部分。我很克制，其实挺怕我写批评的组织方会不高兴、同一个群的人会不高兴，所以一定要写的有理有据，而且不是去宣泄情绪。
其实结果还挺好的，组织方会鼓励我说你独立思考的意识很强，文章也收到同群的人几个赞。我后面可以大大方方地推荐我的文章是全群最优秀，虽然没人投我。
我还学到了一点，反驳的目的是什么、反驳要怎么反。
反驳的终极目的，往往不是要把别人改造成什么什么样的人，而是保持自己的一个自由、舒服、自洽。
所以最自然的情况就是唱反调不要试图说给别人听我的具体观点，而是展示出来我真实的思维过程，帮助确信现在的方向或者换个方向，感染别人就变成次要的了，或许可以是意外惊喜。
这本书没有让我学到多少，但这个过程是让我心智成熟，更加包容与客观的。
英文版：
Recently,I have read a book in a reading activity with a group of people, which is called *Women’s Positive Psychology *(因为书名叫女子幸福课，没有英语翻译，我就根据哈佛幸福课的英语名字来起).Among tens of books I have read, this is the only one that I want to criticize.Since the activity had a tight schedule, I just tried my best to read and finish the homework as quickly as possible.
But when the activity is finished, I have time to rethink about it. It seems more and more interesting because of the book’s onion, articles from others who also participated in the activity, and the planning and details of the activity. So I come up with some ideas.
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First, I am more convinced that the contents are vital to choose a book. If you don’t like the contents, don’t waste your time to read. This book* Women’s Positive Psychology* has boring contents. When I read it then, the feeling was stronger.
Moreover, another key point of choosing a book is its publishing house and edition number. Disappointedly, the book doesn’t have a publishing house and it is sort of inner materials and customer comments printed by the company of “Qingyi New Education”. So without public check, this book is mysterious and shows little to us. For a person like me who didn’t take a course of “Qingyi New Education”, I don’t know whether it is valuable.
Besides, it doesn’t have a beautiful bookcover and the design is quite casual, too. So the attitude that the book cover and design shows is another point to choose books.
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This activity was not all bad. The promoter put great effort in it and the financial issue was very clear. For example, the punish fund of homework delayed was invested to a charity program and the detail was shown in our wechat group.
Most people in the group supported the opinion of* Women’s Positive Psychology* since this book is suitable for their life stage.They mainly are born in 1970s, have married and got children. They didn’t believe that the book was short of logic and examples were too narrow. Their homework mainly talked about their life stories with their husbands and children, or big topics about education.
In the beginning of this activity, I was quite expecting to see high-level thinking. But after finishing the book, I was disappointed since the main idea is still women should be gentle and do things suitable for their gender. It is normal and lack of thinking. It is not worth of the slogan of new education and the high study fee.
So the conclusion is clear that each one has an opinion which is most suitable for his or her environment. The only thing we can do is to have a better choice.
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The articles I wrote were all about critical thinking. I was quite careful because I don’t want to use criticizing as expressing emotion and make others unhappy. I just said something that had evidence such as generalization, lack of logic and lack of examples.
The comments were out of my expectation. The promoter praised me for critical things and my articles have received some “likes”on website. I was more relaxed that I dare to volunteer my homework as the group best (apparently I received no votes).
What I learn most is why we should criticize and what the proper way to show criticize is.
The ultimate aim of criticize is not to change others in to a certain direction, but to keep ourselves free, comfortable and self-consistent. So showing ourselves is more important and influencing others may be serendipity. The book Women’s Positive Psychology didn’t give me much but the activity did.