Who are you?

in #whoareyou7 years ago

Most of my life I've answered this question in a baffled tone. "Who am I?" I would think, "I'm Rachel. I'm a dancer, I'm a music lover." This past weekend I took a journey and came out of it asking myself "Who are you, really?"
I've been letting the answers roll around in my noggin for a few days, and I think I've finally collected myself and my thoughts enough to put it all into words.
I am a lover. I love people and animals and plants. I love them and I care for them, I want to help them be their best selves. I want to love those who don't know what it feels to be loved. I crave to make other feel warm and full with a hug or a song.
I am a lover, but I'm also afraid. I'm afraid of getting hurt, I'm afraid of being broken. I've been broken and I'm afraid I'm not fully healed. I'm afraid that the people I love in my life don't know just how important and special they are to me. I'm afraid they'll disappear someday and I will be left alone.
Alone. I hate being alone. I don't mean in the sense of spending time with myself - because I love doing that. But in the sense that there's nobody who wants to listen, nobody who seems to care about what goes on in this little head. I don't always feel this way - more often than not I don't. But when I do have this feeling it's the toughest to shake, it takes me days to get out of that space.
I often feel like I was born in the wrong era. Not that I was meant to live in a time that has already passed, but that I was meant to live in a world far beyond the trials and tribulations of modern society. I feel like the human brain is capable of so much when it's not restricted to deadlines and 5 day a week work schedules. When you stop worrying about money and items of physical worth, the mind can take you to miraculous places. Just by attending to nothing but your breath, your consciousness can be teleported to other dimensions. But all of that is stripped from us in this world today. There's not enough hours in a day to stay mindful and connected while you're juggling errands and work and school and friends.
Where did we go wrong in our modern society anyway? Who came up with this ludicrous system of spending your most valuable able-bodied days behind a desk in a 5x5 cubical answering phone calls and praying for the weekend - only for it to be over faster than it begun and another Monday is on your doorstep? Feminists have it wrong that women should be working the same jobs as men - I think nobody should have to work at all unless it's at something their passion drives them to do. But more and more I feel my passions slipping away from me as I get further entrenched in this great scam. I no longer have the time to devote to my craft of jewelry fabrication or to seriously practice my flow arts or yoga. I don't get to spend the hours I would like curled up with a book while I listen to my partner's heartbeat.
So I am a revolutionary. I see the potential for greatness that lurks behind the corporate cogs in Washington. I see the abundance of natural beauty just waiting to be saved from devastation. I see the potential greatness in our youth, and I see how teaching them to do yoga grounds and centers them. I see how easy it is to turn on the TV and fall victim to all the hate. But I also see how rewarding it is to indulge yourself in love. I feel the powerful connection I have to this earth when I stop and breathe it all in. I feel it. I see it. I am it.

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