RE: THE BREAK SYNDROME - My Entry to "Memories of my School Days Challenge"
Dear Chriddi,
This is hilarious. Reminds me of something Mark Twain might write. There is truth and caricature (but then, caricature is truth exaggerated) in each of your "types".
Some of the best parts:
With an artificial, vague smile on their pale faces, they wait tense for the relieving bell signal
That's funny, but sad, because it captures the demeanor of the insecure in any situation.
Also:
they line up again and again at the end of the long queue in front of the milk bar.
That's just so clever...so visual. I can see them in the eternal loop :) And since teachers are focused on anything but the kids, no one notices!
I remember cold winters on the playground when I was in primary grades. This was a farm community, where you tough it out and don't complain. We used to huddle around the utility shed and hope to get a bit of warmth from the doorway. I can still feel the chill!
Thank you for referring me to this. I try to check up on Steemit everyday and use my votes, but I was obsessed with making that collage since Thursday. So many versions didn't work. Persevering is my strength, and my weakness :))
Have the most wonderful, healthy Easter.
Warm regards,
AG
Dear AG,
the comparison with Mark Twain seems to me to be an incredibly huge compliment that makes me a little ashamed. Thank you!
In any case, I'm glad that the caricatures are well received even by a native speaker - thanks for the time and attention you gave my text.
Thanks also for the little excursion into your own memories. Of course, those were very different times - it is always exciting to learn about them from contemporary witnesses.
Stay healthy,
Your Chriddi
Dear Chriddi,
I spent years at the highly unprofitable exercise of literary analysis--my graduate school course of study was comparative literature. So, my mind is filled with obscure references--even though the mind may not be able to pull up those references nimbly anymore :))
A comparison to Twain came to me immediately. For example, check out this passage from his autobiography,:
It's a delicate balance, seeing humor in the exaggerated truth without being cruel.
In your piece only one word struck me as less than ideal: 'sayings', in this line
There might be an more apt word for that sentence...comments, suggestions, rebuke ...I don't know exactly how you would want to weight the word, to keep it humorous and accurate. 'Sayings' works find, but isn't perfect, I think (personal opinion).
I was delighted to do this exercise. Once there was a writing group at my local library where we used to offer critiques of each other's work. Unfortunately, our group leader passed away (he was 89!) and there was no good replacement.
Hope you don't mind the attention I paid this piece...it really was fun.
Be well, be happy and of course continue to be creative.
Very warm regards and happy Easter,
AG
Oh, thank you for your continued efforts, dear AG.
Well, Twain, who was a brilliant writer, uses a more colorful language... ;-)
The biggest problem with my slumbering English skills is the frequent lack of vocabulary. And then again there are words that are difficult to translate. But this is another reason for the fascination of linguistics: Every language has words that are not directly translatable, that cannot convey the real intention. Sometimes these words do not even exist in the other language, they have to be paraphrased.
What I mean by using the word "sayings" are spontaneous "word paintings". In German we use the word "Spruch". None of your suggestions really expresses what I wanted to say. Wow, it's an intellectual challenge!
Especially in the field of satire it is quite difficult because you try to present reality in a humorous way without hurting anyone (sarcasm). In addition, not every reader understands the points, because the sense of irony is not very developed.
Dear AG, of course I don't mind, constructive criticism is always welcome!
I wish you a nice week,
stay blessed,
Chriddi