The Secret to Happiness

When most of us think about what makes us happy, we tend to focus on the “things” in life that we crave or long to own. These things may be concrete consumables or they may be intangible resources, such as “time,” “inner peace,” or “true love.”

It is easier for us to create a list of what we want the world to give us than it is to think in terms of what we can give back to the world.

We live in a world of instant feedback and conspicuous consumption. It may be experienced firsthand through the “Buy Now” button on Amazon’s website or through the obsession with following celebrities’ tweets or video reviews of products, films, and life, in general.

It is amazing how many “things” everyone seems to have in their lives – and how many more things we might desire that we believe will make us feel even better about ourselves in relation to how we think others feel about us.

It is perhaps the paradoxical desire to divest to have more that has created the hot new trend for “tiny houses” or the online tales of people who are living “off the grid,” (ironic, isn’t it, that we hear about these folks’ experiences online?), or the movement to make do in life with 100 possessions or less. Actually, now that our cellphones can do just about anything that we need them to do – from finding our potential mate to preparing dinner via online ordering from nearby take-out places – making do with less isn’t as austere as it once might have been.

“Down-sizing,” “right-sizing,” or “de-cluttering all reflect the same realization that is gaining momentum – possessions simply won’t bring lasting happiness to our lives.

Happiness is a state of being, not a pile of stuff.

So, I’m going to share with you the Big Four Happiness Factors.

Disclaimer: I’m a counselor, a counselor educator, and more significantly, an unashamed optimist. So I’m going to assume that I am planting the seeds of unimaginable levels of personal growth and development through these next few slides.

The Big Four practices that can change your life for good are friendliness, cheerfulness, compassion, and gratitude.

Let’s break these down.

Friendliness First

Some people can be described as “the type of person who’s never met a stronger.” These are people who meet the world with a pleasant temperament and an openness to new people and new experiences – regardless of who may be placed in their path on any given day.

Friendliness is about offering warmth and good humor to those around you.

It is about being willing to make the first move socially while recognizing that others may be a little slow to warm up and that the rewards for friendliness are not always immediately enjoyed. I once worked with a vibrant and delightful woman in her 70s who avowed that “every day is a new opportunity to add to your collection of friends!” She couldn’t count the number of friends she had and she couldn’t find words to describe the pleasure they brought her in life.