Six Ways Developmental Trauma Shapes Adult Identity

How common is developmental trauma?

Developmental trauma is more common than many of us realize. According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, 78% of children reported more than one traumatic experience before the age of 5. Twenty percent of children up to the age of 6 were receiving treatment for traumatic experiences, including sexual abuse, neglect, exposure to domestic violence, and traumatic loss or bereavement.

Adults who suffered from developmental trauma may go on to develop Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or "cPTSD", which is characterized by difficulties in: emotional regulation, consciousness and memory, self-perception, distorted perceptions of perpetrators of abuse, difficulties in relationships with other people, and negative effects on the meaningfulness of life.

Although we do not have statistics on the rates of cPTSD, risk factors for cPTSD are disturbingly commonplace. According to the CDC, in 2012 there were 3.4 million referrals to state and local child protective services for cases of abuse or neglect. It is estimated that in 2012 alone, 686,000 children, or 9.2 per 1000, were victims of maltreatment. However, experts believe these numbers under-estimate the true frequency, and up to 1 out of 4 children may actually experience some form of maltreatment. It is estimated that the total lifetime economic cost of child maltreatment in the US is $124 billion. While thankfully not all children who experience maltreatment go on to develop cPTSD, many will - and recovery is challenging even for those who do seek treatment.

How does developmental trauma impact identity formation?

Identity formation is an important part of normal development, and takes place across the lifespan from birth, through childhood and adolescence, adulthood, and old age. Identity - including one's sense of self as being good enough, integration of emotion and intellect, basic awareness of emotional state, feeling secure and coherent as an individual, and even the basic experience of who one actually is - is disrupted by developmental trauma because basic survival takes precedence over, and uses resources ordinarily allocated for, normal development of the self. Early trauma shifts the trajectory of brain development, because an environment characterized by fear and neglect, for example, causes different adaptations of brain circuitry than one of safety, security and love. The earlier the distress, on average, the more profound the effect.

The task of identity development in adulthood, challenging enough (though rewarding) for those with a secure, safe and enriching upbringing, is especially fraught for those grappling with the aftermath of developmental trauma. Because of developmental delays and adult consequences of trauma, which often included substance abuse, eating disorders, depression, and difficulty in personal relationships and professional development, identity development gets stuck.

Identity for adults with unresolved developmental trauma is often organized around being a survivor and maintaining basic safety in relation to others, leading to re-traumatizing and disheartening repetitions, preventing growth-oriented experiences. Individuals in this situation become highly identified with a "traumatic self", at the expense of a more inclusive, flexible sense of self. People with significant-enough developmental trauma dissociate from their environment, and from themselves early on - a last ditch survival mechanism - and may remain disconnected from themselves throughout childhood, adolescence and early adulthood - only recognizing what has happened when there is no other choice but to do so.
With these considerations in mind, I am highlighting key ways that identity tends to be shaped by earlier traumatic experiences. Understanding these basic themes, which are often a result of dissociative effects on the traumatized personality, can help people recognize areas of difficulty so they can take steps toward doing the work of recovery, repair and personal growth.

1. Loss of childhood: "I never really had a childhood" or "I can't remember much from growing up."

People who experience a very distressing childhood often can't remember big swathes of their childhood. They may remember particularly vivid moments, sometimes called "flashbulb memories", which don't have any context to them. They often don't have a clear story of themselves as a child, up into adolescence, early adulthood, and sometimes later in life. This autobiographical sense is called a "coherent narrative" in attachment theory, and can be absent, under-developed, false or oversimplified. Many people have told me they feel like their childhood has been stolen, and without such a foundation, adult identity is compromised.

1. Missing parts of oneself: "I've always felt like something was missing, but I don't know what it is."

With chronic developmental distress, children often disconnect important parts of themselves in order to survive, a form of dissociation. They may come to rely on one major persona in order to have stability and make it appear as if everything were OK - such as being an exemplary student - while having little or no real personal life. Later in life, they may feel like parts of themselves are missing. Through personal growth and therapy they may rediscover and even create anew these missing parts. Sometimes they are there, stowed away for better times if you will, but younger-feeling than the their everday persona. It's common for these missing parts to be associated with particular emotional states and memories, and reuniting leads to a fuller sense of identity.