A Solution to the US vs THEM Game
How much energy do people expend fighting each other about politics, religion, race, and gender? What would we gain in terms of time, peace, health, efficiency, and prosperity if we could come together?
Does it sound like an impossible task? If not, what's the first step? How about: Acknowledging we want those benefits.
OK. Fair enough. Then what's the next step? How about: Awareness of how we contribute to the problem.
Check out this thought process:
Look at the way the Other Side thinks. Instead of focusing on big issues that are important to the people, they relentlessly spew distortions, misrepresentations, distractions, and lies.
Just look at the amount of fake news created by the Other Side. They take perfectly reasonable statements and actions by the supporters of Our Side completely out of context to make it seem as if we are saying and doing something nefarious. This shows you how desperate the Other Side is and how willing they are to mislead the People.
The Other Side also has certain beliefs about taxation, health care, and wages that are completely out of whack with reality. They don't seem to think through how many people will be negatively affected by the crazy policies they support.
Finally, the Other Side has unfair ideas about property rights that are a major contributor to big problems we face today. They say they want peace and prosperity, yet they do not see how their ideas contribute to violence and poverty.
Does that sound familiar?
This strife between Our Side and the Other Side drains our resources. What if we can do something different? How about we try to understand why the Other Side thinks as they do, so we can empathize and perhaps find common ground?
SCEPTIC: "What? But the Other Side is wrong about so much! Like for example-"
You don't have to give up thinking you are right. You don't even have to pretend. We merely listen to them and understand them. We take a short break from our ridicule, derision, and moral judgment. Just because we are pausing in our evaluation, does not mean we are agreeing with them.
It might sound like this:
"Hey I'm thinking we both want the same things; peace and prosperity, right? We have merely been disagreeing over how to get there. If I promise to listen without judgment, would you be willing to share with me and teach me how property rights work best from your perspective? I am not promising I will agree or change my preference. I AM promising I will at least temporarily put aside my opinions about the topic so that I can fully understand your reasons."
SCEPTIC: "Why in the world would you want to understand their crazy wrong ideas? Why waste energy empathizing?"
Fair enough. You don't owe them anything. Why expend your energy for what may seem like a lost cause, with no return on the energy you invest? Have you heard the term, 'Know thy enemy'? Surely, you gain some advantage by understanding another person's perspective, whether they are enemy or friend. And bonus, by understanding one more person, you increase your understanding of humans in general. You can only benefit from this.
At first, it can be difficult. Every time we practice listening with empathy - especially when it is difficult - we strengthen our 'empathy muscles', making it easier and more automatic next time. Eventually, giving empathy will actually charge our batteries.
The alternative, carrying anger or resentment, is no fun and affects our health and well-being. When we choose to give empathy, we are choosing to walk away feeling lighter and more healthy.
And if there is a chance of repairing or strengthening the relationship, empathy increases the likelihood of this happening. How likely are you to listen to a person who tells you that you are wrong versus a person who is willing to understand why you believe as you do?
What does your inner sceptic say? Do you worry that use of empathy will further enable, encourage, and empower the Other Side? What other pitfalls do you see in practicing empathy? What benefits?
Finally, if you see value in practicing empathy, and you want resources for how to practice, I've created a web site for you. At https://ClearSay.net you will find articles, games, animations, and videos.
Related articles:
Six Ways Practicing Empathy with a Stranger or "Enemy" Benefits You:
https://steemit.com/empathy/@scottermonkey/six-ways-practicing-empathy-with-a-stranger-or-enemy-benefits-you
Language of Liberation:
https://steemit.com/voluntaryism/@scottermonkey/language-of-liberation
Punished by Rewards:
https://steemit.com/parenting/@scottermonkey/punished-by-rewards
Getting from Anger to Peace:
https://steemit.com/anger/@scottermonkey/getting-from-anger-to-peace
Recipe for a Peaceful Revolution:
https://steemit.com/voluntaryism/@scottermonkey/recipe-for-peaceful-revolution
This is really good! I would like to add a few things, though:
First, self examination is a necessary aspect of this, but it could also cause your view to change. We humans have an inherent need to be right, which you talk about in the post in a way. But, examining what you believe and why could actually lead to you realizing where you are wrong on a topic.
Second, realize that a person is not the sum of a single one of their opinions. A person may have a position that you despise, but there are likely many other things that you agree on, or are simple not relevant to you at all. Aside from this, respecting the person as a person, instead of seeing them as personified by that one opinion you don't like, can go a long way to helping dialogue.
Third, look for common ground. Often, you can use that common ground to at least not be at odds with someone, but at most, you could make a friend that you can have really good conversations with.
Fourth, you dont have to be right. Its ok to be wrong occassionally, or in the very least, acknowledge where you simply have an opinion, and it is not required that the other person agree with you.
Fifth, apologize when you offend or wrong someone unnecessarily. I don't think I need to elaborate
Lastly, learn when to separate from someone. You cant run a house with someone who has a completely different way of handling money than you. It will lead to fights and problems between the two of you.
Just some short additions to an already great post. :)
Heh you would probably dig some of the other articles, somewhat related to this one that I linked to on the bottom. Yes, here I summarized some of what you are saying under the term "empathize" where in other articles I expand on how to do so. Not to minimize your excellent ideas, which I do value! :-) Checking out your stuff...
Oh wow thanks for resteeming it!
Good things should be shared :)
Great. Thanks for sharing. I vote for you and begin to follow you. And Resteemed...