Passport
You'll love this:
ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER-----HILARIOUS!
John Weston
4 Corinthian Close
Hatch Warren
Basingstoke
RG22 4TN
01256 358932
07722 840681
This, apparently is an actual letter received by the UK Passport
Office.
Dear Sirs,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and I am losing the will to live. How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a fucking satellite dish from them back in 1977, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was fucking born and on what date.
For fuck sake, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have
on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed
for the past 30 years. It is on my National Health card, my driving
license, my car insurance, on the last eight fucking passports I've had,
on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out
before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all
those insufferable census forms.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's
name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely fucking astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!
I apologise, because I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this shit! You send the application form to my house, then you ask me for my fucking address!!!!
What the fuck is going on? Do you have a bunch of neanderthal arseholes working there? Look at my fucking picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I just want to go and park my arse on some nice sandy beach somewhere and would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?
Well, I have to sign off now, because I have to go to the other end of the fucking city to get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, to the
tune of £30. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the
same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too fucking easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then have to find some arsehole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not
allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic fuckin' morons) Hey, do you know why
we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally hacked off!
Signed
An Irate Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 .......... I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive work all over the world and the UK
......... However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am
- you know, someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FUCKING PAKISTAN !
Sincerely,