Casualties Of War
The Vietnam War ended when the communists took the city of Saigon, but the war continued for most Vietnam War veterans long after the end of the war. Many argue that the Vietnam War was a shameful war, a war that the USA had no business entering, and there are those that say it was a noble war, but the impact of the Vietnam War on its veterans is a subject that stifles all other arguments. After the war ended, veterans were expected to simply snap back into society, and more often that not, they would end up labeled mentally ill or they would end up homeless. Many Vietnam veterans suffered from flashbacks, and simply could not cope with integrating back into society because of some of the horrible things they had either seen, or participated in during the war. Many soldiers were lost in the war, and soldiers often watched as their friends were blown to bits trekking through the jungle. Imagine crouching for days under constant gun fire, no sleep and the fear of a painful death always circling you. The impact of The Vietnam War caused long lasting affects on those that survived in the forms of trauma, suppression and delayed recovery, and would ultimately affect re-integration into society.
My step-father served two tours in Vietnam as a Special Forces Green Beret. I remember stories he used to tell me about The Vietnam War, about the way he felt after seeing friends die on the battle field and about how he was hardly able to cope with life after the war. My Step-Father had a very hard time getting back to "normal" after the war, like most Vietnam veterans.
He told me that he still saw the reflections of combatants he had killed during his time in Vietnam in the mirror as he shaved, and he felt that they would stay with him forever to remind him of what he had done, like they were eternally part of him. The poem "Facing it", written by poet Yusef Kumanyakka in 1984, shows evidence that he was heavily impacted by trauma, suppression and a long road to recovery, similar to my step-father's experience in Vietnam.
Kumanyakka's poem takes place at the Vietnam Memorial in Washington DC The memorial, which is made of an almost mirror like hard reflective black granite holds great significance and is used in the poem as a metaphor for closure. The hard shiny granite reflects Kumanyakka's own "dead soldiers" in the mirror experiences, and how he manages to cope with his trauma by facing it head on. "My black face fades / hiding inside of the black granite" (Kumanyakka, 1-2) Kumanyakka is using the faded reflection of himself inside the black granite to describe his feelings of anxiety caused by his trauma, he is afraid of what he might see inside of his reflection, he is also afraid to see himself because he needs to keep his feelings suppressed, like a good soldier. Kumanyakka knew what was waiting for him at the memorial, but in an attempt at getting closure he pressed on as if he were still a soldier, back in the Smokey jungles of Vietnam. " I go down the 58,022 names / half expecting to find / my own in letters like smoke" (Kumanyakka, 14-19) Kumanyakka shows great evidence of the traumas of war by pointing out that he expected to find his own name on the wall in smokey letters. This is a reference to one of several minor flashbacks he endured while at the memorial. A flashback is defined as a recurrent and abnormally vivid recollection of a traumatic experience, as a battle, sometimes accompanied by hallucinations. "Flashback" ( http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/flashback )
Feelings of guilt, fear and confusion and vivid memories are common among survivors of war and are often suppressed in order to maintain some sort of stability.
Like most soldiers, my step-father was trained to keep his feelings about the war suppressed, although he would talk to me about certain things, I was always able to tell when a topic became too emotional for him. I have spoken to other veterans about the topic of being "hard", and keeping feelings bottled up and they all agree that over time suppressing those feelings can cause an emotional explosion. Kumanyaka illustrates his own battle with suppressing his feelings using the memorial's hard stone as a metaphor. "I said I wouldn’t dammit / No tears / I'm stone / I'm flesh" (Kumanyakka, 3-5) The memories of the war that were kept bottled up were on the brink of exploding, but just like the black granite, he remained hard and controlled his emotions, if only just for a moment. Not all Vietnam War veterans were able to successful suppress their memories about the war, some were driven to insanity, others became dependent on legal and illegal drugs, and became clouded men. "My clouded reflection eyes me / like a bird of prey, the profile of night / slanted against the morning. I turn / this way-the stone lets me go. / I turn that way - I'm inside. (Kumanyakka, 6-10) Many veterans were caught between two worlds, often unable to tell which world was real, which is why so many have been labeled mentally unfit for society. Kumanyakka described the onset of another flashback; "I touch the name Andrew Johnson; / I see the booby trap's white flash" ( Kumanyakka, 17-18) The hallucinations that Kumanyakka experienced were not uncommon to veterans of The Vietnam War. Flashbacks triggered from loud sounds, flashes of light, and drug use were often impossible to suppress and in some cases even led to violent behavior. 121 cases of killings done by Iraq War veterans after returning home were attributed to combat war trauma and alcohol abuse. Recovery and societal re-integration is close to impossible for war veterans without a drastic change regarding the in place services that we as a society provide for them when they return. Evidence of the need for a drastic change can be seen in any city in the USA in the form of homeless veterans panhandling for change at busy intersections, and days long wait times to see Doctors in veteran hospitals.
In order to fully recover from a traumatic event such as war, one needs to be able to stay grounded in reality. War changes a person forever, and the events that take place during war will not easily be forgotten and in most cases simply can not be forgotten. Fourteen years after the war, Yusef Kumanyakka was still undergoing his own recovery. Kumanyakka in many ways used his poem to release the suppressed feelings and memories that the trauma of war imprinted on him. "Facing it" was Kumanyakka's personal therapy, and it helped other veterans that did not have an outlet to release their demons. "In the black mirror / a woman's trying to erase names: / No, she's brushing a boy's hair". (Kumanyakka, 30-31) The idea of cognitively staying grounded in reality is something that some Vietnam War veterans still struggle with today. Kumanyakka is showing evidence know that sometimes "you" have to remember, although the memories may be very vivid and even horrifying, suppressing the memories will only hinder your recovery or even worse, they can consume you. Kumanyakka's "Facing it" did not reveal whether or not he received any closure from his visit to the Vietnam Memorial, but it did give a glimpse of hope that he was heading towards it. The recovery process started the moment he decided to open that door again.
Since The Vietnam War we as a society have not done much to change the aftermath that so many war veterans suffer. We continue to train them to be hard as stone, to show no emotion, to never fold. We continue to fill them with medication and drugs when they return to help them suppress their anxieties and fears. We still expect them to quickly re-integrate back into society and quickly label them as crazy if the transition takes longer that we would like. We have not learned much since April 30th, 1975 when the war ended. The Vietnam War should have been a monumental learning experience for the United States but unfortunately it was not. Even today our soldiers who fought in Iraq are stuck in the same dark cycles of war, trauma, suppression and the hopes of a quick recovery.