A Cheese Log Makes the best Pillow

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I have to confess something, once I unknowingly slept on a cheese log. I say unknowingly because had I actually intentionally slept of the log of cheese, this would be a completely different kind of story. But it is not that kind of story.

This story is kind of filthy, but everyone’s knickers stay on, so if you are looking for that sort of filth, you’ve come to the wrong place. Once, when staying at my friends house, we pilfered a cheese log from the Bunco party that his mom was hosting. The women at the party were more or less done with the snacks, and we were famished gamelords in need of a snack. Taking the whole log was a bit of a ballsy move. If the women weren’t done with the snacks as we thought they were, there could be repercussions--his mom might have sniffed us out and force us to return our gaming rations. Still, with a whole log of cheese at our disposal, we would be spared further embarrassing trips to the Bunco match, so we pilfered it along with a bunch of crackers and let the cheese-chunks fall where they may.

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At some point in the night, in between eating from the bountiful log of dairy goodness and playing Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne, we lost the cheese log. This distressed us, at first, mostly because we were still hungry, but we eventually forgot about it went on with our games. My friend wasn’t the tidiest person in the world. Dirty clothes, diet-Coke cans, and dirty dishes were all known to end up on his floor. When I spent the night, I was also known to end up on the floor, which didn’t bother me. I’d been homeless for short periods of time by choice, slept in my car and in weird places like basements and attics, so I was able to sleep more or less anywhere.

The next morning, it turned out that anywhere included on top of a cheese log (and to save you the horror, no we didn’t continue to eat it). We found the missing log, still intact, beneath my makeshift bed-hovel on the ground. Now whenever I see my friend and spend the night (rare these days because he is gone! /cry) he jokingly offers me a cheese log in addition to a blanket and a pillow, and since I know just how comfy they are, I graciously accept.